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#donaldtrump
#community
#joebiden
#election2024
#kristinoem
#media
#supremecourt
#scotus
#republicans
#openthread
#gaza
#election
#dogs
#elections
#israel
#cartoon
#healthcare
#abortion
#2024election
#russia
#ukraine
#democrats
#presidentialimmunity
#education
#climate
#culture
#cricket
#law
#gop
#gotv
Trump’s new initiative for women in the military and other news.
by
Alfredo Martin Bravo de Rueda Espejo
Community
(This content is not subject to review by Daily Kos staff prior to publication.)
Thursday, Jun. 07, 2018
Thursday, Jun. 07, 2018
at
7:52:05am PDT
1.Chief of Staff John Kelly revealed the new Trump’s initiative “Make our Female Warriors Win!” part of the President’s vision to make winners of women serving in the military. They will be allowed to enroll in the Winner Cavalry Unit, created especially for them. As part of this elite unit, they will be allowed to ride horses operated by quarters (Quarters not included in allowance) and they will have the opportunity to use combat tactics while raiding their male colleagues’ barracks in their absence to practice drills simulating barrack housekeeping and uniform laundry techniques.
2. Former Director of the CIA and current Secretary of State Mike Pompeo has announced that The Battle of Algiers, Pontecorvo’s movie used so far to teach counterinsurgency, will be replaced by The Hunger Games, as an internal poll revealed that the Pontecorvo’s movie was being interpreted the wrong way and that our future spies had been extracting the wrong conclusions all these years. The same internal poll revealed that CIA graduates believed 9/11 was the result of the Soviet Union having converted to Islam. This is part of the Trump’s initiative to overhaul training inside the CIA.
3.Press Secretary Sarah Sanders announced that the White House had uncovered a new conspiracy consisting on The Young Turks main commentator Cenk Uygur actually being pro-wrestler Samoa Joe. The details of the conspiracy were kept classified.
4. The Center for Immigration Studies, to which the Trump administration is turning to fill immigration-related positions, has made the following projections of the effects of Donald Trump’s immigration policies on the American Society:
a)The native born will see their wages increase between 50% and 200%even though illegal immigrants are just 5% of the population.
b)The native born will see their wealth increase significantly not only because somehow that will be a result of Trump’s wealth increasing but also because they will receive periodical newsletter advice about how to diversify their portfolio between SuperLotto and MegaMillion.
c)The weather will be nicer and cows will produce more milk.
d)The average native born will be able to look at himself in the mirror and find himself more attractive.
e)The native born will be at last free of Mexican diseases.
f)The native born will find that the blond of his dreams will finally pay attention to him despite his Budweiser belly and his Coors breathe.
g)Rick Santorum, Marcus Bachman and Ted Cruz will be able to finally defeat Satan, who all this time has been visiting them in their dreams with temptations in the form of males with wide shoulders and strong hands.
h)Trump’s tax cuts will result in Trump’s wealth increasing, but that will make the average native born feel richer.
i)Jesus and Santa Claus will make a pre-Rapture cameo in Fox and Friends to announce that they were white after all and that they are happy when brown people cry.
5. Press Secretary Sanders also announced that Chris Christie will retain his position as White House Orange’s Slave.