I always grab the mail on my way back from work. In the usual pile of junk, bills and assorted charity begging, was a letter for my mother. I was pretty surprised since she has been dead since 2007. This was a surprising missive from Chuck Schumer!
It’s kind of hard to read. But the first sentence just got me.
Like you, I started 2017 unsure of what the future held.
Oh, Chuck WTF! Mom, unlike you does not feel unsure about a single thing in her future. Because you see, She is dead! Been dead since 2007. What voter rolls are you mining for this unusual demographic to milk for money? Was she ghost voting and I never noticed? Why would she do that, visit or talk to Chuck, but not her own child!
...but we can’t do it without your help. Can we count on your support.
Well, I guess Chuck is fucked. Because he is saying he can’t do it without mom’s support. But she’s been dead, for 11 years!
If you’re as fed up with the Republicans’ inaction to hold the president accountable as I am, you need to act now.
Christ on a cracker Chuck. How is my dead mom supposed to act now. She is dead.
…..You and I have the power to stop this……….
Sure, sure, super dead people power. Awesome.
Wow, this letter just gets better and better. Let’s move on to the closer. Chuck should not have any problems counting on old dead constituents in Alabama. They vote right?
Will you join this movement and donate today?
First of all. My mother never gave a dime to any political campaign. She voted sure, but why does Chuck Schumer have such a shitty campaign strategy, that he hits up dead people? Old dead people. Mom was 78 when she passed, so if she were alive today, she would be 89 years old. I guess Chuck is counting on the really really old folks, who haven’t voted in 11 years! This is the guy who is Minority Leader in the senate. Nothing like counting on dead people to vote, and donate from money that doesn’t exist, from a voter who has not voted in 11 years because they are voting from the great beyond, or more commonly known as deceased.
And with your help, we can take back our country.
Lordy, help us if Chuck Schumer is counting on elderly dead people to help him take back our country. Unless we are living in a Walking Dead episode, last I checked, dead is dead. You don’t have a body, you can’t donate money, and you sure as shit can’t vote. Besides I have never seen a single zombie who carried a credit/debit card or cash.
Of course he wants mom’s opinion. Give him hell mom. She was pretty loud, so maybe if she shouts really hard from that other plane of existence Chuck will hear her voice. I hope it scares the shit out of him.
This is the part of this stupid mailer that pisses me off the most.
...they say we don’t have a plan. Well, how’s this for a plan? In Doug Jones’ Alabama race, Senate Majority 2018 invested $6 million in research-driven strategy, hard-hitting advertising and building a diverse and powerful voting coalition for Jones.
Yeah, you read that right. Chuck Schumer is taking credit for the Doug Jones senate victory. Not only that, he is taking credit for $6 million that was spent on the Jones campaign. As I recall, there was a huge grassroots movement, a ton of black women, bloggers like me going on about Doug Jones. The postcards to vote folks. And money from a whole bunch of small donations and the Hwy 31 Group to Elect Doug Jones. The national democratic party did share their voter info, (well, gee thanks for the help) but the bulk of work was done by local volunteers and non-profits, and Doug’s campaign organization. Indivisible was essential to the GOTV for Doug Jones. Chuck Schumer didn’t do shit, and this letter to my mother proves he is a lousy leader and severely out of touch, with old outdated voter info. That is why we need new blood. He invents a new group,(Majority Senate 2018) takes credit, and sends letters to really really old people who are probably dead, and like my mom, definitely dead. Disgusting.
The upside. We got this, the people have got the peoples back. We just need to keep on doing what we are, resist, agitate, navigate, network, send postcards, blog, and share. Donate and go to town halls. We didn’t count on Chuck Schumer to help Doug Jones win, and we aren’t going to count on him to help elect our governors, or senators, or house reps, etc. This is on us people. I am proud of all of you. I know we got this thing.
Oh, and mom, I love you and miss you.