So denuclearization talks between the U.S. and North Korea appear to be at a standstill, which is odd because I could have sworn I saw Donald Trump carrying Kim Jong Un around in a Babybjörn two months ago while regurgitating partially masticated DQ Oreo Blizzards into his ravenous maw. Or that they had a verifiable and irreversible agreement. Or something. Then again, I get all my news from Sean Hannity’s column in Juggs.
So, yeah, the talks have stalled, mostly because Trump never had a clue what he was doing in the first place. The guy traded U.S.-South Korea joint military exercises for a piece of paper, FFS.
And now North Korea is pissed. But, appropriately, not at their useful idiot in the good ol’ USA.
From Vox:
On Thursday, North Korea’s foreign ministry issued a scathing statement accusing some (unnamed) members of the Trump administration of “going against the intention of president Trump” to improve relations between the US and North Korea.
“[S]ome high-level officials within the U.S. administration are making baseless allegations against us and making desperate attempts at intensifying the international sanctions and pressure,” the statement says.
The “high-level officials” they’re referring to are almost certainly Secretary of State Mike Pompeo, who is leading the negotiations on the US side, and National Security Adviser John Bolton, who also coordinates efforts related to North Korea.
North Korea is mad that Bolton effectively blamed Pyongyang for the sputtering nuclear talks and because the US continues to restrict North Korea’s interactions with the world.
That’s upsetting to Pyongyang, the ministry says, because it has already made some concessions — like stopping missile tests and returning the purported remains of 55 American troops who served in the Korean War — and hoped Washington would do the same by offering concessions of its own.
“Expecting any result, while insulting the dialogue partner and throwing cold water over our sincere efforts for building confidence,” the statement adds, is “a foolish act that amounts to waiting to see a boiled egg hatch out.”
Boiled egg hatch out? Where do they get this stuff? Do they think that’s an American expression? Is that something Jed used to say on The Beverly Hillbillies? I confess, I’m lost.
Of course, the DPRK is reserving the bulk of its vitriol for Bolton and Pompeo (who are deserving, don’t get me wrong) while letting Trump off the hook:
Interestingly, though, the statement goes out of its way not to criticize Trump himself, and even praises him.
“The message is carefully crafted to ensure the blame for these actions does not fall on Trump,” says Jenny Town, a North Korea expert at the Stimson Center, a Washington think tank. “This leaves room for Trump to call for a course correction to get negotiations back on track.”
Translation: Can you put that cotton-candy-headed idiot back on the phone for a sec?
I — and anyone else who’s ever watched three minutes’ worth of “fake news” — knew that this whole North Korea rapprochement was the geopolitical equivalent of ordering X-Ray specs from an ad in Boys’ Life. And most of the rest of the country has caught on by now. The one conspicuous exception is the actual president of the United States.
And if Trump does take the lead on negotiations? Oh, God help us all:
US officials told Reuters on Thursday that the North Koreans “view Trump as a softer touch.” According to those unnamed officials, when a meeting in July between Pompeo and his North Korean counterparts hit a snag, the North Korean negotiators asked Pompeo to step outside and called Trump directly instead.
That means that it’s unlikely negotiations will progress as long as Pompeo and Bolton lead the way — unless they completely change how they’re handling the talks.
***
Yo! Dear F*cking Lunatic: 101 Obscenely Rude Letters to Donald Trump by Aldous J. Pennyfarthing is now available at Amazon! Buy there (or at one of the other fine online retailers carrying it), or be square.