From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE…
Good Morning. It’s Monday.
Another week begins, and a majority of Americans still want...
Medicare for all
And universal background checks on gun purchases
And equality for LGBTQ citizens
And immediate congressional action to protect Dreamers
And convenient access to safe abortion services
And pay parity
And an EPA that actually protects the environment
And treating our NATO allies as allies
And humane immigration policies
And the Mueller investigation to continue
And appropriate scorn for racists, bigots and misogynists
And respect for the rule of law
And a livable minimum wage
And net neutrality protections
And paid maternity and sick leave
And less influence in election funding by corporations and the wealthy
And full funding and strengthening of the Affordable Care Act
And a strong, independent press
And reality-based sex ed
And well-funded public schools
And equal opportunities for women and minorities
And criminal justice reform
And more investment in green energy
And higher taxes on the rich
And restrictions on assault weapons
And universal pre-K
And consumer protections that actually protect consumers
And marijuana legalization
And leaders who put country over party
Unfortunately, leaders who represent the minority of Americans are in charge at the moment. We can help change that in 85 days. The midterm elections are Tuesday, November 6th. Register here. And spread the word.
Cheers and Jeers starts below the fold... [Swoosh!!] RIGHTNOW! [Gong!!]
Cheers and Jeers for Monday, August 13, 2018
Note: Today is Monday the 13th. Not as unlucky as Friday the 13th, but we do recommend that you leave your regular Dodge Dart in the garage and take the up-armored Dodge Dart to work instead. You're welcome.
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By the Numbers:
12 days!!!
Days 'til the midterm elections: 85
Days 'til the Tequila and Taco Music Festival in Santa Cruz: 12
Percent chance that Democrat Rashida Tlaib will be running unopposed in Michigan’s 13th district, paving the way for her to become the first Muslim woman in Congress: 100%
Increase in anti-LGBT attacks between 2016 and 2017 in France, which is hosting the Gay Games this year: 15%
Rank of health care among campaign issues in Maine, according to a new Suffolk University poll: #1
Current approval rating of Maine Gov. Paul LePage, who has refused to improve health care in any way over the last 8 years, among independents in the same poll: 33%
Expected rise in newsprint prices, thanks in part to Trump’s tariffs, according to The New York Times: 30%
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Puppy Pic of the Day: ”I said NO pooties…!”
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CHEERS to meta meals in minutes. Over at FiveThirtyEight, Nate Silver and his merry band of number crunchers—along with ABC News and Ballotpedia---whipped out their watercolors to paint a picture of the insanely-talented slate of 2018 Democratic candidates, and “whom Democratic primary voters are gravitating toward this year.” Fascinating tidbits:
According to our data, women have won 65 percent (90 of 138) of decided open Democratic primary races featuring at least one man and one woman. […]
[A]ll else being equal, being a woman has been worth an additional 10 percentage points over being a man in the open Democratic primaries we looked at. […]
All else being equal, having held elected office before has given candidates a 12-point boost, on average, in vote share in open Democratic primaries. That’s the biggest such boost we found for any variable. Experienced politicians have an impressive 44 percent win rate; political novices clock in at 28 percent.
Overall, Democratic primary voters in 2018 are jumping at the chance to nominate women and experienced politicians. Being an Obama alum seems to help too.
They’re also publishing similar reports on the Republican candidates. By the time they’re done, the pages of their thesauruses containing synonyms for “white,” “racist,” “crazy,” and “liars” are gonna be plumb wore out.
CHEERS to jetting off to a hottest destination in the Fodor’s Travel Guide. Saturday’s launch of the Parker Solar Probe was scrubbed because someone at NASA (Gary) failed to pay the Sunoco bill. But by Sunday the craft was all fueled up and ready for its historic flight to the sun, or as NASA calls it: “Humanity’s first visit to a star.” (On hand to watch the launch: the crafts’s 91-year-old solar astrophysicist namesake Eugene Parker---it’s the first time a spacecraft has been named after a living person.) And awaaaay it goes…
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(See some impressive NASA launch photos here.) Apparently the mission will take about seven years. According to NASA, the Parker probe will hurtle around the sun at 430,000 mph during its closest approach, “fast enough to get from Philadelphia to Washington, D.C. in one second.” Yeah, right. With all that I-95 construction? Good luck!
JEERS to Sunday with the Shitstains. Here’s a brief recap of what happened yesterday when the Nazi wing of the Republican party oozed out of its hole to perform their “We Hate What America Stands For” rally in the nation’s capital:
1. The Nazis arrived. All 30 of them.
2. As usual, they wore their armbands on the wrong arm.
3. Also as usual, Klem won the award for most natural teeth still anchored in his head.
4. There wasn’t a fine person among them.
5. They were mocked mercilessly.
6. God made it rain on them, knowing that there’s nothing more pathetic than a soaking-wet Nazi with a rusty Iron Cross.
7. Nobody bought what they were selling.
8. The Nazis went home.
I’m told that the next event to take place in Lafayette Square is a public taste-test of fruit-flavored beverages being sponsored by Minute Maid. Sorry to break it to ya, Nazis, but, as fate would have it, juice will replace you.
CHEERS to order in the courts. I hope you already voted in today’s C&J poll so that this item won’t color your impartiality. (He said haughtily, adjusting his monocle.) But it’s always worth peeking in on some of the judicial decisions that are turning out to be victories for the good guys. Here are a quartet that came down recently by judges and juries who have no patience for all your shennanigans:
Case 1: A jury awarded a few hundred million bucks to a cancer-stricken school groundskeeper and held Monsanto (via its Roundup herbicide) responsible. “Gee, I’m sorry to see Monsanto take such a hit,” said nobody.
CASE 2: Speaking of environmental menaces---Trump’s EPA. The 9th Circuit Court of Appeals sided with Best President Of Our Lifetime Barack Obama by forcing the EPA to get off the dime and enact #44’s ban on chlorpyrifos. The ruling is a retro-slam on former EPA head Scott Pruitt, whose disgraceful legacy gets another shovelful of manure dumped on it.
Judge Fluffy here serves on the feral bench.
Case 3: When U.S. district judge (D.C. circuit) Emmet Sullivan heard that an asylum-seeking mother and daughter had been sent back to Central America prematurely, he not only ordered the flight to turn around, he threatened to hold Attorney General Jeff Sessions in freaking contempt of court. Quick---get that man a statue on the Mall!
Case 4: And speaking of contempt of court, an associate of weirdo Roger Stone (that dude with the Nixon tattoo across his back---ring a bell?) was held in contempt because he blew off a grand jury. It’s apparently an attempt to challenge the legitimacy of the Mueller investigation…or something. You know what I say? “Lock him up! Lock him up!”
By the way, what do you call four sitting judges playing first violin, second violin, a viola, and a cello? A string courtet.
P.S. I’ll be here all week.
It’s a stainless steel MIRACLE!
CHEERS to great moments in inventin' cool shit. Wipe that doughnut powder off your face and sit up straight,this is important.
Today is the 105th anniversary of the invention of stainless steel. It was created by metallurgist Harry Brearley, who had the good sense to "add chromium to molten iron [that] produced a metal that didn’t rust." Today stainless steel is a ubiquitous part of life on earth. But to survive the slings and arrows of modern-day politics, only Teflon will do.
CHEERS to today’s boring correction. Wednesday:
U.S. Rep. Christopher Collins, a Buffalo Republican…will remain on the November ballot despite being indicted for securities fraud hours earlier. Collins said he would "mount a vigorous defense in court to clear my name,"and that he anticipated being "fully vindicated and exonerated." He confirmed that he would remain on the ballot in November.
Saturday:
“After extensive discussions with my family and my friends over the last few days, I have decided it is in the best interests of the constituents of NY-27, the Republican Party and President Trump’s agenda for me to suspend my campaign for re-election to Congress.”
Please make a note of it and, after you’ve stopped laughing, toss a few bucks to progressive Democrat Nate McMurray so he can capitalize on a totally-unexpected red-to-blue pickup opportunity on November 6th. Then, by all means, continue laughing.
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Ten years ago in C&J: August 13, 2008
CHEERS to inadvertently appropriate words. You know that city-wide fireworks display during the Olympic opening ceremonies in Peking that made everyone go "Ooh" and "Aah" and "If they can pull this off, maybe they're not so bad after all"? Turns out it was just fake digital effects. They had to go with computer graphics "because of the city’s hazy, smoggy skies, which made such a complicated display at night too difficult to pull off successfully." Here's what the head of the FX bamboozle team said about the pyrotechnics that people thought were there but which weren't really:
"Seeing how it worked out, it was still a bit too bright compared to the actual fireworks," [Gao] Xiaolong said in comments that appeared in the Daily Telegraph. "But most of the audience thought it was filmed live---so that was mission accomplished."
Even freakier: he was on an aircraft carrier when he said it.
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And just one more…
CHEERS to more Moore. Ever since Roger and Me arrived in theaters---back when I lived a mere 30 miles from his hometown of Flint, Michigan---and redefined the entertainment value of documentaries, I've been an unapologetic Michael Moore fan. While he does his share of red-meat throwing, his films often take critics by surprise because they turn out to be more even-handed and thought-provoking than they expect. His latest is a sequel (of sorts) to 2004’s Palm d'Or-winning, $222 million-grossing Fahrenheit 9/11. This time, in a convenient reversal of dates, he's calling it Fahrenheit 11/9 (the day in 2016 Trump was declared the winner of the election) and instead of Commander Codpiece his target is Cadet Bone Spurs. The first trailer is out. Have a look…
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In addition to focusing on new resistance leaders from the left like the Parkland students and Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez other things in Fahrenheit 11/9, Moore will reveal that “the revolution is [also] happening in the most unlikely of places.” Opens on September 21st. Go see it. And take a hundred of your friends.
Have a tolerable Monday. Floor's open...What are youcheering and jeering about today?
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Today's Shameless C&J Testimonial
"What, you may be asking, is a quote-unquote porn star lawyer doing here tonight to speak with you about our party and our republic? In normal times, I would not be here. I would be home in Los Angeles enjoying Bill in Portland Maine’s Cheers and Jeers. But these are anything but normal times."
---Michael Avenatti
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