From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE…
Your Thursday Molly Ivins Moment
Happy birthday to the late, great Molly Ivins---born August 30, 1944. Reporter, columnist, privacy-rights activist and very funny progressive shitkicker. She left us 11 years ago, but her Texas sass has lost none of its bite. As she said in an interview with IndyWeek in 2004: "I really am not a funny person at all. It is all in the material. I never had to do a thing--I just sit there and watch, and they produce these gems for me." Here are a few snips from her voluminous print legacy, starting with this "gem" from 2000 involving a certain senator from Arizona:
Just to prove that not everything in politics is about money, here's an example of imagination, dash and verve by the Bush campaign. Thirty years of covering politics, and this is first politician I ever heard accuse his opponent of being "soft on breast cancer." Turns out John McCain has voted 10 times to increase funding for breast cancer research (his sister had it). But he also voted against a package of pork-barrel spending that contained money for two breast cancer research projects. Hence, "voted against breast cancer research." You have to admit, it's new.
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One of the things that concerns a lot of Americans lately is the increase in plain old nastiness in our political discussion. It comes from a number of sources, but Rush Limbaugh is a major carrier. I should explain that I am not without bias in this matter. I have been attacked by Rush Limbaugh on the air, an experience somewhat akin to being gummed by a newt. It doesn't actually hurt, but it leaves you with slimy stuff on your ankle.
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The American press has always had a tendency to assume that the truth must lie exactly halfway between any two opposing points of view. Thus, if the press presents the man who says Hitler is an ogre and the man who says Hitler is a prince, it believes it has done the full measure of its journalistic duty.
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September 1, 2005, after Katrina struck: Like many of you who love New Orleans, I find myself taking short mental walks there today, turning a familiar corner, glimpsing a favorite scene, square or vista. And worrying about the beloved friends and the city, and how they are now. To use a fine Southern word, it's tacky to start playing the blame game before the dead are even counted. It is not too soon, however, to make a point that needs to be hammered home again and again, and that is that government policies have real consequences in people's lives.
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Newt Gingrich, the Boy Scout. Newt Gingrich, the man who sat there and watched Congress impeach and try Bill Clinton for lying about having an extramarital affair while he, Newt Gingrich, was lying about having an extramarital affair. (This all took place during his second marriage. The first one ended when he told his wife he was divorcing her while she was in the hospital undergoing cancer treatment.) This is the level of Republican hypocrisy that reminds us all how far the Dems have to go.
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Texas sign in front of a pharmacy: GENERIC PROZAC NOW IN, GOD BLESS AMERICA.
And, of course, her reaction to Pat Buchanan's unhinged 1992 Republican convention speech: "It probably sounded better in the original German."
If you haven't read the biography Molly Ivins: A Rebel Life by Bill Minutaglio and W. Michael Smith, it's a really good account of her amazing yet far-from-charmed life that ended too soon. Even though she's no longer with us, her writing is still like Red Bull for the progressive soul.
Cheers and Jeers starts below the fold...[Swoosh!!] RIGHTNOW! [Gong!!]
Cheers and Jeers for Thursday, August 30, 2018
Note: Trump's tariffs have caused a spike in the cost of the Chinese pixels I use to write C&J, and I demand a bailout to make up the difference. Yes, I do have change for a ten.
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By the Numbers:
Days 'til Thanksgiving: 84
Days `til the Hatch Valley Chile Festival in New Mexico: 2
Amount of the taxpayer bailout welfare just handed out to corporate farmers to make up for Trump's wholly unnecessary trade war with China: $4.7 billion
Amount the Kushner Cos. Were fined for filing false documents in court: $210,000
Percent of U.S. adults who had problems paying their medical bills in 2017: 18%
Length Trump lasted during sex, according to Stormy Daniels: 2 minutes
Fine in Maine if you go around a school bus while its lights are flashing: $250
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Puppy Pic of the Day: Yes.
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CHEERS to an early Christmas present. As you've no doubt heard by now, Tuesday's primary election yielded the two candidates who will square off in the Florida governor's race: Tallahassee Mayor Andrew Gillum on Team D, and Congressman and Ron DeSantis for Team Trump. Gillum, who wowed attendees at Netroots Nation in 2017, is a dynamic speaker with strong progressive ideas and a natural ability to sell them. As the first black candidate for governor in the state's history, he'll energize and engage a huge coalition of Floridians ready for real progress. As for DeSantis: well, let's just say he's a chip off the old Trump. Fox News yesterday morning:
"Let’s build off the success we’ve had with Gov. [Rick] Scott. The last thing we need to do is to monkey this up by trying to embrace a socialist agenda with huge tax increases and bankrupting the state." …
Incoming Florida House Minority Leader Kionne McGhee, who is black, said DeSantis had invoked “racism and division as his platform." “Shame on you Ron DeSantis,” McGhee, a south Dade Democrat and former prosecutor, said in a statement. “But even more, shame on those who remain quiet and refuse to call this what it is: RACIST.” […]
A Fox News host later addressed DeSantis’ comments after the gubernatorial nominee left the show, stating that the station does not condone DeSantis’ choice of words.
“During the interview, he made what some are calling an inappropriate comment about his Democratic opponent, Andrew Gillum,” host Sandra Smith said. “We do not condone this language and wanted to make our viewers aware that he has since clarified his statement.”
Oops. Looks like someone just shit for brainsed up their campaign.
JEERS to close calls. He's still an idiot, a cruel bastard, a racist, a loudmouth, and a Trump cultist, but we're happy to say that my governor, Paul LePage, isn’t a corpse.
Over the weekend he checked into the hospital for a couple days because he was experiencing"discomfort," which is code for something was so seriously wrong that his successor (the president of our state senate cuz we're too cheap to hire a lieutenant governor) was notified just in case. In keeping with his eight-year pledge to run the most transparent administration in state history, LePage is saying nothing about the scare. But I have sources embedded in all of Maine's nurses' lounges, so I can tell you what happened: apparently his body was rebelling and tried to grow a heart inside his chest cavity. After playing a few rounds of golf, doctors opened him up, poured gasoline in the affected area and tossed in a lit cigar. So he's all back to normal now. Well, almost---out of an abundance of caution he's under strict orders not to try to kick any cats for at least two weeks.
JEERS to furry ambushes. On August 30, 1979, President Carter was attacked by a 20-foot tall rabbit with laser eyes and a grenade in each paw! Or…not:
Carter was alone in a small fishing boat when a swamp rabbit, a species of large cottontail, began swimming toward his boat.
He turned the frightened and agitated rabbit away with a paddle. Several months later he jokingly mentioned it to press secretary Jody Powell, who repeated it offhandedly to a reporter. To Powell's horror, The Washington Post headlined "President Attacked by Rabbit." Carter was lampooned by turns as crazy, weak, and ineffective.
It was a low-water mark for shoddiness in journalism. Or as Alex Jones would call it: the high-water mark for excellence in journalism.
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Gong! Gong!! BuddaBuddaBudda… GONG!!!
This is another edition of The One Word Answer Man. Over at The New Yorker, Benjamin Wallace-Wells asks: Could a new-model Democrat win in an old and conservative state like Florida?
Yes!
Now back to Cheers and Jeers.
Gong! Gong!! BuddaBuddaBudda… GONG!!!
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JEERS to General Dumbnuts. Time to do a check-up on how Trump's little (repeat: little) June stunt with North Korean dictator Kim Jong Un paid off. Remember: according to Trump, he made the greatest deal ever (and even signed it!), completely neutralized the nuclear threat, arranged another summit with our Secretary of State, and canceled war games with South Korea so our troops there could instead run along the border throwing chocolates and flowers. So let's see how that's working out:
> North Korea is shifting its nuclear program back into high gear
> The second summit has been canceled
> North Korea's state media is accusing us of planning an invasion
> Our war games are back on
> The chocolate and flower distributors went belly-up because of Trump's tariffs
In other words, we're worse off than we were before President Numbnuts stepped in, except now North Korea (not to mention the rest of the world) knows that we've become a nation led by suckers, and the only person emerging from this mess looking like a senior statesman is Dennis Rodman. But here's the good news: to keep your head from exploding I won’t tell you how things are going with Russia.
CHEERS to "One ringy dingy...Two ringy dingy..." On August 30, 1963, a hotline was set up between Moscow and D.C. for the purpose of keeping the superpowers in constant contact during emergencies. It worked really well. In fact we hear an aide to Khrushchev is still shuffling around Red Square looking for Amanda Hugginkiss.
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Ten years ago in C&J: August 30, 2008
CHEERS to things you can see from space. Seventy two candles were set ablaze on John McCain's birthday cake today. But instead of us getting him a present, he got us one:
"Today, John McCain put the former mayor of a town of 9,000 with zero foreign policy experience a heartbeat away from the presidency. [She] shares John McCain's commitment to overturning Roe v. Wade, the agenda of Big Oil and continuing George Bush's failed economic policies -- that's not the change we need, it's just more of the same," said Bill Burton, Obama Campaign Spokesman.
I'm not quite sure, but judging from what everyone's saying on my teevee, I believe his running mate's name is Sarah Who.
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And just one more…
CHEERS to purty spaces. The National Park Service turned 102 over the weekend, and if you want to start your Thursday with some breathtaking (but fracking-well-free…sorry Republicans) pics of some of the amazing places that define our geography and historic sites, click here and click here. Here are a few vistas hand-selected by C&J. Consider this your moment of zen, and a deep-tissue massage for your ocular nerve:
Sorry for that last one. Couldn’t help myself. (Not that I tried very hard.)
Have a nice Thursday. Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?
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Today's Shameless C&J Testimonial
“I don’t want to even have to ask this, but please don’t pickax the Cheers and Jeers kiddie pool, okay guys? I know it’s all the rage these days, but that’s not cool, just please don’t do that. Unless, at some point in the future, Bill in Portland Maine does something unfathomably monstrous and evil, in which case, sure, fine, go ahead, makes sense. But anything short of that, please limit yourself to spitting and urinating.”
---Weird Al Yankovic
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