I am going to be open and honest about a part of myself that I truly had to struggle to get away from. An inner hatred of myself for something I had no control over. Something I was taunted with by kids and adults and something I thought was a personal detriment because of said taunting. I struggled with finding beauty in my skin tone. I know better now but when I was younger like many I struggled with my dark skin and it played heavily into my mental health.
Growing up in NYC you would think such a bastion of cultures would have made me lesser prone to such a mindset. But as I said in the opening being taunted by fellow people of color for being too dark. Having ads and television shows that did not show women who looked like me consistently to sell beauty products, or as leading romantic roles did something to my mind. Deep down I hated my color and I felt that the world viewed me as ugly and less than. I know I was not alone in that mindset, the whole angry black female trope always pitted darker skin sisters against our Redbone, or lighter skinned ones. It is an ongoing divide that many of us now that we are older are trying to rise above. But the inner lying resentments are still present.
With the rise of movies like Black Panther, with beautiful actresses like Danai Gurira and Lupita N’yongo along with so many other beautiful stars of that movie and television shows it should be easier for more black children to not feel such inner turmoil. But then you have the flip side, when you see rappers like LIL Kim who struggled to the point of turning herself into a completely washed out version of herself. Or Sammy Sosa who looks like he was sun bleached, there is a mental struggle among people of color that needs to be addressed and recognized.
I have gotten better with age, I no longer view my darker tone as a detriment. I no longer let my beauty be define by those who refuse to see it. But It took years of working through self hatred of something I should never have hated in the first place. When people question why so many wealthy people of color in entertainment opt to brighten their skin. They think only on the superficial terms, they have no idea the kind of mental torture that comes with society constantly viewing your skin tone as a negative. They do not wince at the Wesley Snipes jokes launched at men, or the horrible way even in our own communities that dark skin black women are treated. They have never struggled with the inner voice that tells you that you would be prettier/more handsome if you were brighter. That you would feel accepted, and sadly that struggle makes so many people go for things like skin bleaching. Even if the results are far worse than their original appearance.
Color Dysmophia is an ongoing issue in communities of color, be them Black or Hispanic, and it is not just here in the US. In many nations where such plastic surgery procedures are available, those who can afford to change their skin to try to fit in is becoming more and more of a common practice. We saw it with Micheal Jackson and his sister Latoya, we see it with many actors, actresses and entertainers in general. And while we have more positive role models for all types of humans. The negative ones are still out in full force. And until we start taking a serious look at this issue, we will continue to have this detrimental mentality in regards to skin color.
It is an inner struggle I would not wish on my worse enemy, and I hope by blogging about this I help those continuing such a struggle to realize how beautiful they are just the way they are.