Although at the age of 9 I knew that I was different, I did not know the word gay, nor did I know about my attractions to other boys… but I knew something was different about me.
As I grew up it dawned on me who I was and what I was.
Long story but suffice it to say I was forced out of the closet the summer between my junior and senior year in high school. I found a ‘young gay” booked geared towards..ummm, young gays...and in the back they had a pen-pal service that matched you up with another young gay guy in the area. This was when I was 16 or so. It was my first “real” gay experience (Apart from when i was younger and experimenting) and it opened my eyes.
Back around this time the Internet had not been around BUT there was computer BBSs (Builtin Board Systems) for you to call with my 300 baud modem and my trusty Atari 800.
There were dating sites where you would log in one caller at a time, read messages from other people...browse their profiles and arrange a date. The main one I called was for all orientations and was a cool little place where I found others to meet and date, etc.
But then I heard of a gay BBS...it was all gay, and in the Detroit metro area...SBBS.
I ended up calling it and after a few days i arranged to meet a guy who said he was 21. I drove to his house and he was a very unattractive guy.. one who sure did not seem 21...and one I got a very bad vibe from.
We had dinner at his house and then when I was about to go home...I will not go into details… just suffice it to say I was date raped.
I drove home and was a mess. My mom knew something was up and eventually I told her what happened. She was furious (My parents knew I was gay and were accepting of it) and she wanted to know the guys name, address, etc. I was too ashamed/thought it was my fault..so I did not tell her his information.
For the rest of my life till now I have never told anyone else what happened. I still remember his name and face. I will never forget it.
I do not know whatever happened to the guy… I was too embarrassed to do anything.
it took me a long time to get over this.. shoot I still don’t think I am over it nor will I ever be. But with all this talk in the news.. about women being raped and never coming out about the event for several decades I can relate.
I was embarrassed, confused and felt like it was my fault.
So to all the others that have been sexually assaulted I can relate.
I know now it was not my fault...that it was not an act of sex but of violence and control.
I don’t really know how to conclude this diary other than to say that we must stand by all victims or reported and unreported rape.