My father went to an all-boys Catholic high school. Though not of privilege or standing like Kavanaugh, he too was the darling of the local area. Athlete, volunteer, community favorite son with friends who just liked to have a good time as any teens do. Growing up, he was always telling me about the times he had, of riding to the shore or partying with his buddies in their houses during the weekend their parents were away. As I got older the stories got raunchier. “Biggest tits I’ve ever seen”, “Three hour cocaine hardon”, and the piece de resistance: “The Fatty Game”.
He explained this one to me when I was in college. On our way home from my leaving for Christmas, he stopped in an old watering hole of his and told me of the game. When he and his friends were out, they’d challenge each other to find the heaviest girl in the place. They’d ply her with drinks, and then convince her to get into the bathroom for some fun. Whoever did it first won.
Now, two things strike me. One: If he was actively participating in this “game”, then he is a sexual predator who did this to God only knows how many women. Meaning also that who knows what else he got into when he was “growing up”.
Two: Even if he only stood by and did nothing, he still thought this was something to brag to his son about as if it were a kind of “bonding moment”.
I don’t know if it’s my place to confront him about this yet, God only knows what it would do to my mother. Despite this, I’ve seen Kavanaugh’s screaming faces on my father’s face as well. Whenever someone denies him something, when someone disobeys his rules, those are the expressions he would make. Still makes.
Irish-American men have always been proud of their often-boisterous natures. They love to carouse and close the bar and chase any pretty woman they see. Combined with lessons probably indirectly learned from the Church about how to treat any accusations, it’s easy to see why they got away with it for so long. Because whenever I see my father speak about women coming forward, he always parrots: “Why did they wait? Why didn’t they tell someone?”
One of these days I’ll hopefully have the courage to say back, “Because of assholes like you.”
Being Irish-Catholic doesn’t automatically make you a Kavanaugh, but I can promise you all that there are far too many men like him out there hidden because they “grew up”. So if they tell you who they are with a smile on their face and a laugh, thinking that their stories will never find a way out?
Don’t let them forget it.