Time to pause, take a break, take stock, relax... we're snowed in again, so this is a perfect time for a little reflection.
Kim is doing... ok. There have been setbacks and unexpected issues crop up (since when was that unusual for cancer?) and they've pretty much knocked us for a loop every time. You'd think we'd have learned by now, eh? Naaah! But we're still here, still smiling, still hopeful.
The Bad
Soooo... yeah... Kim has metastases in her kidney, heart and brain. This isn't good, obviously. She also has a brain bleed, which we are assured is very minor and will almost certainly stop on it's own. It's almost nothing (we are told) more of a slow seep than anything. Blood coming out of your brain is ok... when it's at an 'acceptable' level... ummm... ok...
Oh, and a chest infection and some mutant form of strep throat that is causing blisters to form. So no biggie, (we are informed) just bedrest and relaxation. Try not to stress.
Ah. Ok then.
The Good
As I mentioned in my last diary, Kim is responding incredibly well to the immunotherapy. After shooting up by a factor of four during the immune-system-boosting-phase, her markers declined by 1.5 points in a week, which (we are told) is amazing, unprecedented, and better than anyone they've seen so far. Kim is extremely competitive, so winning is good.
The metastases appear to be responding to the immunotherapy, and the swelling in her brain has gone down to a manageable level (wait, what swelling? Oh, the swelling that wasn't mentioned because it wasn't quite serious enough for them to light their hair on fire over...)
I truly don't mean from the above to denigrate or in any way to be negative about the doctors and staff. They have been incredible and we are grateful beyond words to have them in our corner. I understand why they don't provide a complete list of everything that could possibly happen during treatment and the course of this disease, because it would probably run to several volumes, and would pretty much terrify us into submission in the face of what could happen. We also don't fault them for monitoring and not necessarily revealing everything from scans; if Kim's brain swelling is caused by high blood pressure and stress... causing stress by describing it is probably not a great idea.
Progress on the house is at a standstill right now; the weather has beaten us, but so, too, have the escalating medical costs. We're very close, but meds are still kicking our asses, and I only learned to juggle three bean bags... work is almost impossible to find in rural Missouri this time of year, and Kim's disability claim was denied meaning no income for some time. Fortunately, it's possible that taxes will tide us over until the appeal (assuming a lot of belt-tightening) so we're keeping our fingers crossed on that one, at least until people emerge from hibernation to require someone who can work on roofs and so forth.
So... I set up a GoFundMe. I didn't advertise it here, after the incredible generosity that so many in this community have demonstrated these last few months. We don't want to keep returning, cap in hand, especially not while so many others here and around the country are suffering. We don't like feeling that we are taking advantage of others' generosity. However, I have been urged to do so, and so I shall, because we're beginning to drown, and my wife is fighting every moment to be with her children, and our autistic son asks "what happened to our house?" several times a day, and I don't want to feel despair.
We're not going to give up. The good still far, far outweighs the bad. Kim's oncologists are still optimistic, and firmly believe she will enjoy more time, perhaps even a lot more. And we're still breathing, so there's that.
Thanks for sticking with us. I'm sorry this one is a little dark, but there's still so much that is good in our lives. We take nothing for granted, and enjoy every moment, and even though we have no home, we will always have family, no matter what the future holds.
With love,
Callum and Kim
GoFundMe is here.
PayPal is churlygurl at gmail dot com