Let's Start With This
Good morning. It's Monday. We kick off the week with an endorphin-tickling reminder—and we need one—that our country was once respected around the world. October, 2009 via Reuters:
The United States is the most admired country globally thanks largely to the star power of President Barack Obama and his administration, according to a new poll.
It climbed from seventh place last year, ahead of France, Germany, the United Kingdom and Japan which completed the top five nations in the Nation Brand Index (NBI).
"What's really remarkable is that in all my years studying national reputation, I have never seen any country experience such a dramatic change in its standing as we see for the United States for 2009," said Simon Anholt, the founder of NBI, which measured the global image of 50 countries each year. [...] "There is no other explanation," Anholt said in an interview, referring to the impact of Obama.
We now return you to our regularly-scheduled impeachment of the current criminal Republican cult leader who has made our country a laughingstock. Y’all have a great day now.
Cheers and Jeers starts below the fold... [Swoosh!!] RIGHTNOW! [Gong!!]
Cheers and Jeers for Monday, October 7, 2019
Civil War II Update: Our weekend march on the Jiffy Lube across the street was a rousing victory for the 2nd Maine Billy Regiment. After the assistant manager handed over her socket wrench, we took six prisoners. Only one casualty from our side, when Parnell slid on a puddle of 10W-30 and ended up ass-over teakettle. Afterward we all enjoyed salted pork slathered in molasses and water from Ebenezer's Brook, followed by a few moments of banjo-strummin' before the Metro bus came. Today we launch a cavalry charge on the laundromat. Please pray for a decisive victory. With Downy softness.
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By the Numbers:
Days 'til CNN's 10-candidate LGBT town hall in Las Vegas: 3
Days ‘til the South Carolina Jazz Festival in Cheraw: 12
Percent of Americans who disapprove of Trump as a human being, according to a new Gallup poll: 62%
Trump's approval rating in California, according to the latest Public Policy Institute poll: 30%
Drop in alcohol consumption in Russia since 2003, according to the World Health Organization: 43%
Average term of an auto loan, a record high: 69 months
Amount that Banksy's oil painting "Devolved Parliament" sold for at auction: $12.1 million
Totally Random NFL Score
New England 33 Washington 7
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Puppy Pic of the Day: Playtime for Remus and Kris…
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CHEERS to trouble in Executive Branch Land. So how was your weekend? Mine was great and I hope yours was, too. For the historical record, Donald Trump spent his weekend throwing Secretary of Energy (for 25 more days, anyway) Rick Perry under the bus for forcing him to make the "absolutely perfect" arms-for-dirt-on-Biden call to Ukrainian president Sparky Zelensky. But political analysts aren’t entirely sure that tactic's going to work, because just moments later…
A second whistleblower [came] forward with information about President Donald Trump’s call with the president of Ukraine, according to attorneys representing that whistleblower and the intelligence official whose earlier complaint set off a series of events culminating in an impeachment inquiry.
The July 25 phone call led a U.S.intelligence official to file a whistleblower complaint that set off a cascade of fast-moving events, ultimately leading to an impeachment inquiry into the president.
NBC legal analyst Jill Wine-Banks minces no words:
Wine-Banks, who was a Watergate prosecutor, said she thinks that, as happened with Nixon, people within Trump’s structure are going to start trying to cut deals and turn on him and that “it’s going to happen fast.”
[Looks at watch] It's already 7:52am. What's taking so long???
CHEERS and JEERS to the first Monday in October. The Supreme Court justices are back in black and ready to rumble this week. On their plate: rulings centered around women's reproductive rights and LGBT rights. If I were the chief justice, I would move mountains to prevent any of those cases from becoming even bigger anvils around his neck than the ones he's already strapped on over the years. We’ll hold our collective breath and see what happens. Oh, and C&J send our congratulations to Samuel Alito for winning the annual Flies-That-Accumulated-on-the-Supreme-Court-Window-Sills-Over-the-Summer Eating Contest. Thirteenth year in a row. Hey, they don’t call him Igor for nothin’.
JEERS to an administration so full of shit it makes you wanna climb the wall. Rick Weber is a 75-year-old certified mountain climbing instructor. He's also skeptical about President Trump's claim that 20 world-class climbers tested out the new border wall design and found it "impossible to climb." Since Trump, as usual, refuses to show proof of his dubious claim, Mr. Weber is putting it to the test:
[T]o declare something to be impossible to climb to a bona fide rock climber is to issue a challenge. So I decided to build an exact replica and hold a competition.
We will be hosting the event on land my wife and I own in the Red River Gorge region of eastern Kentucky, adjacent to Muir Valley. (We’re the founders of Muir Valley, one of the premier rock climbing preserves in North America.) The dates are October 11 and 12, which coincides with one of the largest gatherings of climbers in the U.S.—an annual event called Rocktoberfest.
There's a subtle hint about how this ends. (Spoiler Alert.) They're not giving out prizes to the person who can climb the Trump Wall. They're giving out prizes to the person who can climb the Trump Wall the fastest. And I'll personally give $50 bucks to the first person who shows up with a shovel.
JEERS to C&J getting an F. We had one school assignment Saturday: remember to commemorate UNESCO's annual World Teachers Day...
With the theme: “Young Teachers: The Future of the Profession,” we recognize the critical importance of reaffirming the value of the teaching mission.
We call upon governments to make teaching a profession of first choice for young people. We also invite teacher unions, private sector employers, school principals, parent-teacher associations, school management committees, education officials and teacher trainers to share their wisdom and experiences in promoting the emergence of a vibrant teaching force. Above all, we celebrate the work of dedicated teachers around the world who continue to strive every day to ensure that “inclusive and equitable quality education” and the promotion of “lifelong learning opportunities for all” become a reality in every corner of the globe.
As usual, we forgot. Also as usual, we blamed it on the dog. Also as usual, we had to spend the day outside clapping erasers.
CHEERS to the nerds who walk among us. Big big big—some might even say yooj and beautiful and classy—week ahead for the brightest bulbs in humanity's marquee. The Nobel Prizes will be awarded this week. Here's the schedule:
Today
Physiology/Medicine
Tomorrow
Physics
Wednesday
Chemistry
Thursday
Literature by blogger with candy corn addiction
Friday
Peace
Next Monday
Economics
I'm really excited about my prospects on Thursday. I totally aced the swimsuit portion.
JEERS to Groundhog Day: Gridiron Edition. 103 years ago, on October 7, 1916, the Georgia Tech Engineers scored a touchdown against the Cumberland University (Tennessee) Bulldogs. Then they scored another. And another. And another. And another. And another. By the time they were done, the scoreboard read 222-0—the most lopsided game in college football history. When asked by their coach why they didn't execute any of the plays they'd spent three months practicing, the Cumberland players responded: "You didn't say please." It's always the little things.
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Ten years ago in C&J: October 7, 2009
CHEERS to the new broad on the bench. Yesterday was Justice Sonia Sotomayor's first day hearing oral arguments as the Supreme Court's new term got underway. After spending a few minutes flummoxing an attorney with several rounds of, "I know you are, but what am I?" and "A sphincter says what?" she turned to Ruth Bader Ginsburg and whispered, "I get paid to do this? Unfreakin' believable." Today: the Nerf-rocket pistol—aka the Sotomayor Special—makes its debut. (Aim low, ma’am—it's got a kick to it.)
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And just one more…
CHEERS to living saints. Let's hear it for Archbishop Desmond Tutu! The Nobel Peace Prize winner and all-around amazing human being turns 88 today. (If you feel so moved, you can make a donation to the Desmond Tutu Peace Foundation here.) A few reasons why we love him:
"I say somewhat facetiously, 'I’m so glad I’m not God.' Can you imagine being God and looking at Syria and saying: 'These are my children. Look at what they’re doing to each other'?”
"If you want to make peace, you speak to your enemy. You don’t shoot him or her. You don’t raise your voice; improve your argument, my father would have quite correctly advised."
“I would refuse to go to a homophobic heaven. No, I would say sorry, I mean I would much rather go to the other place.”
"I've been married for 56 years and Leah has been very good at keeping my head the right size. Once I was driving and when I looked at her she looked slightly more complacent and self-satisfied than usual. When I wondered why, she showed me this bumper sticker that said: Any woman who wants to be equal to a man has no ambition.”
"As a young priest I traveled to the United States to meet leaders of the civil rights movement, and rejoiced in their victories over prejudice and discrimination. Today, I battle to reconcile that joy with the disproportionate number of African Americans in prison and being shot in the streets."
"If you are neutral in situations of injustice, you have chosen the side of the oppressor. If an elephant has its foot on the tail of a mouse and you say that you are neutral, the mouse will not appreciate your neutrality."
"Children are a wonderful gift. They have an extraordinary capacity to see into the heart of things and to expose sham and humbug for what they are."
"I don't preach a social gospel; I preach the Gospel, period. The gospel of our Lord Jesus Christ is concerned for the whole person. When people were hungry, Jesus didn't say, `Now is that political or social?' He said, ‘I feed you.'"
Or, as translated by America's right-wing religious grifter class that excuses every daily act of immorality perpetrated by our so-called “Christian” president by giving him a non-stop stream of mulligans: "Blah blah blah..."
Have a tolerable Monday. Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?
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Today's Shameless C&J Testimonial
"You have a great Cheers and Jeers kiddie pool here. Keep it splashing."
—Finnish President Sauli Niinistö
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