From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE…
Oh! More Things I Know:
❧ When Republicans defeat Democrats in an election, the media lectures our side to compromise with Republicans. When Democrats defeat Republicans in an election, the media lectures our side to compromise with Republicans.
❧ There was no “al-Baghdadi bump.”
❧ Jimmy Carter taught Sunday school last Sunday. Right after he bench-pressed a Nash Rambler in the parking lot.
❧ My one takeaway from the 2019 elections: there are a shit-ton of takeaways from the 2019 elections.
❧ The only possible explanation for why the sun is setting an hour earlier today than it did five days ago is sorcery.
❧ Tuesday's Democratic winners will be careful to enact policies that don't overreach. Tuesday's Republican winners will be careful to enact policies that do nothing but overreach.
❧ The President of the United States still doesn't know the words to our national anthem.
❧ The wildest, most out-of-control, drunken, and nudity-filled election victory parties are the ones hosted by candidates who run unopposed, mainly because they tap their kegs at 7am.
❧ To drive your conservative family members crazy during Thanksgiving dinner three weeks from today, pour all of the gravy onto your plate first, and then tell them it will eventually trickle down onto theirs.
❧ Since that Straight Pride March happened last August, America has turned three percent more gay.
❧ This week's scariest words in the English language: "I'm Jim Jordan and I've been giving this some serious thought..."
Cheers and Jeers starts below the fold...[Swoosh!!] RIGHTNOW! [Gong!!]
Cheers and Jeers for Thursday, November 7, 2019
Note: Today is Project Management Day. Or as House Republicans call it: Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Pour Me Another Drink Bartender Day.
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By the Numbers:
Days 'til Thanksgiving: 21
Days 'til the Fete des Fromages (NOLA Cheese Fest) in New Orleans: 6
Number of prisoners released after their sentences for non-violent offenses were commuted by Gov. Stitt: 462
Percent by which farm bankruptcies are up for the year, due to Trump's tariffs and weather events: 24%
Value of the illegally-grown marijuana seized in California so far this year, equal to the state's legal market: $1.5 billion
Date on which Maine's Office of Marijuana Policy will start accepting applications for growing, manufacturing and retailing here ahead of the opening of the recreational market in March: 12/5/19
National approval rating of Moscow Mitch McConnell and Nancy Pelosi, respectively, in the latest Monmouth poll: 15%, 31%
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Your Thursday Molly Ivins Moment:
As they say at Alcoholics Anonymous, denial is not just a river in Egypt.
Denial of global warming is being aided and abetted by those whom [Bill] McKibben calls “confusionists”—ideologues and industry flacks who keep trying to discredit the scientists by using inaccurate and misunderstood statistics. Rush Limbaugh, for some bizarre reason, has taken it upon himself to crusade against the idea of global warming as some kind of left-wing plot.
And as usual, our numskull pals in Congress are heading militantly in the wrong direction. Despite House Speaker Newt Gingrich’s vaunted interest in the future, the Republicans are passing the most shortsighted budget in the history of modern science. Forget mean-spirited, which it also is—this budget is the Mr. Magoo of government moves.
According to the American Association for the Advancement of Science, the budget will chop civilian research by thirty-three percent by 2002. For fiscal ’96, NASA’s global-warming monitoring is cut by twenty-two percent; mass transit research by thirty-six percent; water quality by twenty-nine percent; hazardous waste disposal by twenty-four percent; toxic substances by thirty percent; nuclear non-proliferation by twenty-six percent; and new materials research by one hundred percent.
—September 1995
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Puppy Pic of the Day: Just your basic skritchies...
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CHEERS to the aftermath. As always happens, keeping track of all election outcomes from around the country is a daunting task under the best of circumstances. But here at C&J we've spent the last 36 hours analyzing and crunching all the available data and bending the ears of every political consultant and pollster we could reach to bring you the most exclusive and comprehensive distillation of the big picture that emerged from Tuesday night's results:
Eat my dust, Nate Silver.
CHEERS to previews of coming attractions. And here I thought the new Scorsese gangster flick was gonna be the true-crime highlight of the month. Apparently not:
House Democrats will begin convening public impeachment hearings next week, they announced on Wednesday, initially calling three marquee witnesses to begin making a case for President Trump’s impeachment in public.
The hearings will kick off on Wednesday, with testimony from William B. Taylor Jr.,the top American envoy in Ukraine, and George Kent, a top State Department official, said Representative Adam B. Schiff, Democrat of California and the chairman of the Intelligence Committee. On Friday, Mr. Schiff’s committee will hear from Marie L. Yovanovitch, the former American ambassador to Ukraine,he said.
My goodness, this is awfully sudden. So many decisions to make. SmartFood white cheddar? Or Jiffy Pop plain? Redenbacher salt & vinegar? Or PopSecret Extra Butter? And what about the Bacardi? And I don’t have a thing to wear. I can tell you this right now: my weekend is shot.
CHEERS and JEERS to moolah matters. I know what you're saying. You're saying, "Hey! Billeh starts with a B, and Business starts with a B, so Billeh must be an expert at business!" Ummm...no. So here's a quick roundup of business headlines we've collected over the last bit ‘o time by them's who knows. Minor whiplash ahead...
» U.S. farm bankruptcies surge 24% on strain from Trump trade war
» Recession fears recede
» U.S. economic growth slows to 1.9% in the third quarter
» Ryanair is the latest airline to find cracks in Boeing 737s
» Uber reports $1.2 billion loss nearly six months after going public
» One big step: Google buys Fitbit for $2.1 billion
» CEO departures hit a new high in October, on pace for a record year
» Steel import tariffs have done little to revitalize U.S. steel industry
» Inflation inequality is making America’s poor even poorer
» 4-day workweek boosts productivity 40% in Japan
» Murray Energy 8th coal company in a year to seek bankruptcy
And because it's a day ending in y, this: "A new ProPublica investigation found that Trump inflated and deflated his assets when convenient." What will we tell the children?
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JEERS to promises unkept. Fifty-seven years ago today, back in 1962, Richard Nixon announced that he was leaving politics with the immortal words, "You won't have Nixon to kick around anymore." Relive the smarm…
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We did, in fact, have him to kick around some more. Then Ford kicked us by un-kicking him with a pardon. That was mean.
CHEERS to order in the court. If you'd asked me 16 years ago if I'd ever be focused like a laser on lower federal court decisions when I started writing C&J, I'da said you were nuts and needed to spend three days a week minimum with a shrink. But this is the Trump era and, impeachment inquiry aside, the courts are all we've got to block the worst excesses of Lord Dampnut and his army of racist conservative Christian vultures. So it's always nice to read that he's been deemed, once again, a big porcine loser:
A federal judge on Wednesday blocked the Trump administration from implementing a policy that would have allowed healthcare workers and entities to deny patients information and treatment that violated the workers’ religion or conscience. […]
In a 147-page decision vacating the rule in full, U.S. District Judge Paul A. Engelmayer wrote that HHS lacked the rule making authority to implement significant portions of the rule’s provisions and could not terminate a recipient’s federal funding in response to violations of the rule. Engelmayer also called the government’s credibility into question, saying its stated rationale for instituting the rule was objectively false.
I bet the devil made Engelmayer do it. Memo to self: put devil on Christmas card list.
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Ten years ago in C&J: November 7, 2009
CHEERS to the return of the Joementum Crusher! Ned Lamont is exploring a possible run for Governor of Connecticut, and has hung an exploratory shingle out. One of the highlights of my brief Nobel- and Pulitzer Prize-winning career was meeting him a few years back at Yearly Kos in Chicago, shaking his hand, and congratulating him for beating the pants off Joe Lieberman. I endorse his candidacy for governor and will be happy to volunteer for him. Just as soon as my restraining order expires in 25 years. (Who knew spontaneous piggyback rides were such a sin? Pardonne-moi!) [11/7/19 Update: It took him awhile, but nine years later he finally ran and won. Doing pretty well, too, from what I hear.]
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And just one more…
CHEERS to purty Polaroids. As LiveScience points out, "Mars is the only known planet in the universe inhabited solely by robots. There's InSight, the sturdy robo-stethoscope listening for the Red Planet's heartbeat; there's Odyssey and the gang, a cadre of droids surveilling the planet from orbit. And then, climbing a lonely crater hundreds of miles away from its companions, there's Curiosity, the last surviving rover on Mars." Now, thanks to the geeks at NASA, we have a brand-new B&W image taken by Curiosity as it explores Gale Crater. If you squint real hard, you can see the new Costco in the distance:
It's a scene of loneliness, cold desolation, and quiet desperation. Or as Matt Bevin says: "Welcome to my world."
Have a happy humpday. Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?
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Today's Shameless C&J Testimonial
In conclusion: “Cheers and Jeers” = not as good as hanging out with a dog.
---Todd Van Luling
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