HAPPY PI DAY!
And yes this day is mostly just a great excuse to take advantage of a pun and stuff your face with pastry goodness. So I hope you’re reading this with your free, non-pie-holding hand.
Or maybe you’re going to spend exactly 3 minutes and 14 seconds reading this, so I’d best hop to it.
Campaign Action
Piece Of The Pie: Conservative lawmakers in Utah gave themselves one, in a manner of speaking, when they decided to include Trump supporters as a protected class under the hate crimes bill the legislature approved this week.
- Republicans amended the bill to include “political expression” as one of the classes that would be protected under the new statute, but the only examples they cited during debate on the bill were people supporting right-wing beliefs or wearing MAGA hats.
- Thankfully, age, religion, ancestry, gender identity, sexual orientation, national origin, sex, ethnicity, and familial status are all covered by the new hate crimes bill, too.
- But so are cops and soldiers, so …
- Ultimately, the new law will give additional protections to a lot of Utahns who definitely need it, and that’s a good thing.
- Perpetrators found guilty of targeting a protected class will be subject to enhanced penalties.
And the fact that conservatives feel so broadly threatened that they think they deserve similar treatment reveals quite a lot about how they see the world these days—and their general fear of how it’s changing.
Honey Pie: Honey is sticky stuff. It could really gum up the works if you don’t keep it securely in its little squeeze bear.
- Colorado Republicans decided to dump the whole damn apiary in the state Senate floor this week.
- In a move they hoped would stall hearings and votes on oil and gas and anti-death penalty bills they don’t like, the GOP minority invoked a rarely used rule on Monday requiring bills be read on the floor in their entirety before the final vote.
- The bill they invoked this for happened to be 2,000 pages long.
- Some estimated it would take about 60 hours or so to read aloud.
- But as a staffer read the bill for about three hours, Democrats moved to counter these Republican shenanigans.
- Monday afternoon, the majority set up five computers in the chamber that began simultaneously “reading” the bills aloud at faster-than-human speed.
- By 5:30 p.m. that evening, the bill had technically been read on the floor in its entirety.
- Regular votes commenced, and legislative business got back on track.
Apple, Peaches, Pumpkin Pie: These are all things that are delicious, and the New York state legislature is about to do something that’s also tasty as hell.
- Empire State law currently has a “loophole” of sorts, but the Democratic-majority legislature is poised to close it in short order.
- This double jeopardy loophole currently prevents state prosecutors from bringing the same charges against someone who’s received a presidential pardon for equivalent federal crimes.
- Some folks suspect this could give Trump associates—many of whom live, work, and/or may have committed crimes in New York—a free pass if they’re found guilty of certain federal crimes but later are pardoned by Trump.
- Once introduced, the bill closing the loophole is expected to move quickly through the legislature. It could arrive on the governor’s desk in just three weeks.
… hopefully before any more big Mueller indictments drop …?
Country Pie: Speaking of New York, Republican lawmakers in Kansas apparently have so much time on their hands that they’re passing resolutions just to tell their New York counterparts how much they suck.
- Just a few weeks ago, the Democratic-majority New York legislature passed a landmark new law expanding and affirming abortion rights in the state.
- But just in their state. Not in any other states.
- Like, for instance, Kansas.
- But the GOP-controlled Kansas legislature took it upon themselves to let Empire State lawmakers know how mad they are about it.
- Two hours of valuable legislative time was used to debate the resolution condemning New York lawmakers, which one lawmaker rightly pointed out will be ignored (my money’s on it getting publicly ridiculed TBH).
- But one Democratic state representative shut everything down when she rose to address the state House.
- Rep. Elizabeth Bishop publicly revealed the story of her own abortion, which probably saved her life when her second pregnancy went terribly wrong.
- “These are difficult decisions, and they should remain between a woman and her doctor and her religious advisers,” she said.
Do I really need to even tell you that the Kansas House passed the resolution anyway?
Bye Bye, Mr. Harasser Guy: Another Democratic Nevada state lawmaker has resigned.
byeeeeeeeeeeee
3.14 percent chance this bill passes: A Democrat in Georgia plans to introduce a Testicular Bill of Rights this week.
- Rep. Dar’shun Kendrick conceived the legislation in response to the “heartbeat bill” banning abortion at six weeks that passed the House last week.
- … never mind that many women don’t even know that they’re pregnant at just six weeks.
- And of course there’s the broader point that lawmakers should have no part in medical procedures and decisions that should be between a woman and her doctor.
- Kendrick’s thought was pretty much: Hey, if these men are so into regulating women’s bodies and health, maybe they should try having theirs regulated, too.
- She proposes the following:
- Require men to get permission from their sexual partner before obtaining a prescription for erectile dysfunction medication.
- Ban vasectomy procedures in Georgia and penalize doctors who perform them.
- Make having sex without a condom an “aggravated assault” crime for men.
- Require men to begin paying child support when the woman is six weeks and one day pregnant per a paternity test required at the same time.
- Create a 24-hour “waiting period” for men who wish to purchase porn or sex toys in the state of Georgia.
- Given all the regulations men seem to enjoy placing on contraception and abortion and other issues that affect women exclusively, this doesn’t seem that unfair TBH.
Welp, that’s all for this week. Given that today’s basically a holiday (or should be—eating pie is serious business), you should go ahead and take tomorrow off to nurse your sugar hangover. Besides, tomorrow’s the Ides of March, and everyone knows that’s a dangerous day to, like, do stuff. Especially if your name happens to be Caesar. So yeah, let’s call it a week. Just print this out and show it to your boss, I’m sure she won’t mind.