My friend Molly (though we have never met) wrote a blog posting that really resonated with me. I have written about things she has led me to on other occasions. This one is about compassionate human relating.
We all have friends, acquaintances or family members that experience dark times. (We experience them ourselves, sometimes.) We want to help. That isn’t a bad thing. (Neither is ASKING for the help we need!)
But how do we do it? What do you do when someone is in distress, preferably after the biggest tensions and stressors have eased?
More below.
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Here is what Molly suggested.
… we decided that one of the most powerful questions you can ask someone who is in distress … is:
What do you need?
!!! (Emphasis mine.) !!!
Why is that good?
Again Molly …
“What do you need” empowers. These words give power to the person responding.
“What can I do for you” centers (emphasis on) the person asking the question instead. It inadvertently suggests that the person-in-distress is unable to manage the situation.
And … at the end of the little dialogue-with friends, she zipped in another ‘money line:’
The older I get the more I see these little ways I was raised to keep myself at the center of things, to be the fixer, the solution-creator, the power-holder.
I’m really going to try to go the ‘What do you need’ route more, and the ‘what can I do’ route less. I found her thoughts to be compassionate and caring on a deep level.
Applause. Thank you, Molly.
Note: I did not consult her prior to sharing her words, but she is a caring person, and a seed-planter. She won’t take offense that I shared it. And I will share this with her, in turn, as she shared with me.
What do you need, tonight?
On to tonight’s comments!
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