Dear Kossacks, — once again I need your help. Last year a lot of you wonderful people graciously came thru when I needed a computer for my business last year. Thank you again for that. It really saved me. At the time I was living in an awful situation — renting a room from a terrible landlord who was ignorant, mean and abusive. He stressed me out. I used to keep a folding chair jammed underneath my bedroom doorknob because he scared me! Fortunately, I ended up reuniting with my ex-husband when I called him last December to wish him Happy Birthday. We had been together for 20 years but had been separated for the last year. Talk about answered prayers — we recommitted ourselves to our marriage, we were in love again and I was finally able to escape an awful living situation when I moved into my husband’s apartment. We made plans to save up and buy our first house, a small one would do. I knew it would take time and sacrifice but I was thrilled about the future and elated to be back with my husband. It was a great way to start off the hew year.
Four and a half months later, my husband was sitting on the bed casually talking to me while I worked at my computer. Suddenly I heard a weird gurgling sound and then silence. I looked over to see him slump down on the bed. I ran over to my husband screaming his name. He was unresponsive. Hysterical, I called 911 and the operator told me to give him CPR until the ambulance got there. Fortunately they got there fast and took over. His heartbeat stopped twice but finally the paramedics got him stabilized enough to put him in the ambulance & drive us to the hospital.
Once at the hospital, they said he’d had a massive heart attack and they needed to operate right away. I started hyperventilating and could not breathe so they ended up admitting me into the hospital too. I called my cousin who lived in Northern California and she drove down the next day. The doctors said my husband had a 30/70 chance of survival and that it didn’t look good. He died the next day. I was devastated. I was in shock. I’m still in shock. He was only 55 years old.
I was released from the hospital the day after my husband died. I was so inconsolable that my cousin suggested that I come stay with her at her home up north. I could barely think coherently let alone make any plans so I said yes. Three weeks ago she said she needed my bedroom back because her son was moving back from Chicago. That didn’t give me a lot of time but she helped me to search for an apartment in Northern California. I found a nice apartment building for Senior Citizens. I had considered moving to Las Vegas or Arizona because the rent was so much cheaper there but my cousin convinced me to stay here because she would be only 30 minutes away and would be able to take me to all my doctor visits. Because I have mobility issues and need to use a walker, that was a valid concern for me, so I agreed.
Right now I am only receiving Social Security. I used to have extra income from my Etsy store but once my husband died, I put my store into vacation mode because I haven’t been in the mood to create art right now. Without that extra income, I didn’t have enough to pay the first month’s rent AND the security deposit so my cousin offered to loan me the $1,300 security deposit. I paid the $1,300 rent and the apartment manager agreed to let me go ahead and move in and give her the remaining $1,300 on June 3rd — Monday. Today I called my cousin to see when I could pick up the $1,300 from her and she said she couldn’t do it because her son was coming and she promised to help him buy a car. What??? I was stunned and told her “but you said you would loan me the money for the security.” She started getting an attitude and told me “well, my son needs my help. You’re grown, you gotta stop being so sad all the time and help yourself — just pray to God.” I was shocked. I said, “but you told me to my face that you would do this. You were the one who offered. You know I was counting on you. When were you even going to tell me?” She was very cold with me. She said, “Look, I can’t do it now. Pray. God will work it out.” I just hung up the phone and cried. And cried and cried and cried. Thank God I had some anti-anxiety medication to help me finally calm down.
I feel numb, alone and abandoned. In addition to reneging on her promise, the unexpectedly callous way my cousin spoke to me both shocked me and hurt my feelings. I’m still grieving. I really miss my husband. I can’t stop crying about it. I’m scared to be in such a vulnerable position. I need the $1,300 security deposit or I’ll lose this apartment. I don’t know what I’ll do if that happens because I have nowhere else to go. If you can help, please send a donation to me via PayPal using my cheryl@cheryldanielsart.com email address.
Any donation at all, no matter how small would be so much appreciated — please, please help me if you can. Thank you.
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UPDATE: MY GOAL HAS BEEN MET!!!! Thank you, thank you, thank you generous, caring Kossacks!!! This is a serious blessing.