The Daily Bucket is a nature refuge......
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Somewhere in Oregon, 1972:
(or is it?)
"Before Miss Bergergeron found John Brown's body in the school gym, none of us believed in the teenage werefrog. There had been rumours, of course. There always are! But many of us viewed Miss Bergergeron's discovery as confirmation of our worst fears..... Not everyone shared our certainty. There had been only a fingernail paring of moon that late March night, and a small but vocal minority
( the Spring Peepers) amongst us argued that this precluded the possibility that John Brown's killer had been a lycanthaphibian, because they only began the change during FULL Wormmoons™
as everyone well knows.....
But weeks passed, and suddenly it was the Solstice!
Would a lycanthaphibian emerge?
And most frighteningly, what of the *Great Heron, who took form mainly for his best meal of the season!
A veritable buffet....Meanwhile, I searched the dusty old library shelves for a certain battered leatherbound book™..…
I knew it was my only hope...."
..
“Looking for something?”
I jumped, startled at what I hoped was a human voice, breaking my concentration.
“Um, yes, I, no, well yes,” I stammered.
It was Heather, one of the few hoomans in the classes. She was a Valley Girl type who scarcely ever attended class, but passed with purchased lecture notes. But this afternoon in the darkened library, her hazel eyes seem to light up with feral intelligence.
“Maybe you seek a certain leatherbound book™, hmmmm,” She laughed sharply, head thrown back, perfect teeth glistening.
She abruptly regained her composure and anger clouded her face.
“Maybe you should be looking in the Frog Court Archives instead!” She spat out.
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Soon Heathers 1,2, & 3 popped their identical heads in:
(They were spawned of the same egg-batch.)
"Yes, the Court archives, the Court archives!"
They exclaimed in unison, like a Greek Chorus of Chorus frogs.
"what's your damage, Heathers?"
I said, sarcastically, but they had already flounced, impossibly long-legged.
The Frog Court archives?
But where could I find it...?
I knew one thing-
I needed an old Gypsy woman,
and fast..…
(And the loo, because I was on my 8th Red Bull of the day)
Grabbing the nearest old mouldy leatherbound book™ from the cobwebs and dust, I headed for the can at a brisk pace....
I was in the loo for awhile, which was fortunate, because I browsed all the way to the middle of the leatherbound book™. It was mostly old curses and recipes for ancient cures, but there was a manila envelope secreted between its pages. An unsteady hand had penciled in “John Brown’s autopsy and related materials” onto the envelope. I could see there were old clippings and photos within, but what else?
(Confused? You will be....)
Chapter 2:Miss Bergergeron)
Inside the paperwork secreted amongst the official documents, was something that confused me-
A photograph of a young woman, holding a baby in her arms-was it? Yes, I squinted-
It was a young Miss Bergergeron, with a baby-but what a baby!
it looked more like...could it be???
a frog..…
I screamed in horror, and dropped the photo, startling some emo kids moping and smoking in the bathroom.
The teenage werefrog???
could it be.....
THE LYCANTHAPHIBIAN!
As I bent over to pick up the photograph, my grip loosened on the file and more paperwork and photos slid to the floor. I looked over and became mesmerized by the headline in an article torn from the local paper. “Giant Frog Terrorizes Rebel Soldiers,” it blared and it was dated June 20, 1862.”
I knew now what I had to do.…
I needed to find the Gypsy woman, and ask her about the infamous Frog Court, and attempt to find it's archives…
I jumped into my red-with-a-white stripe Ford Gran Torino™,
and attempted to start it quickly via screw driver as per usual.
quickly, an hour or so later, I was on the road! I soon found the only Blockbuster left in America, and rented The Da Vinci Code,
for research purposes.....
(I got a nice D#$@#!s pizza and some more Red Bull-
and began my investigation.
Mom and Dad were at bingo, so it worked out well...)
WAS IT COINCIDENCE—OR PLAN — WHEN THE GYPSY WOMAN KNOCKED ON THE DOOR TO MY PARENT’S HOUSE THAT VERY DAY,PEDDLING “LOVE PORTION #9?”
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As she spread out her wares on the dining room table, her wizened glance fell upon the pictures that were already there, especially the picture of Mrs. Bergergeron holding an unusually wrinkled infant.
“Missy? ” The Gypsy Woman cried, “Why do you have pictures of my Missy?”
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The woman’s name was Minerva
(and she looked like one too)
she had a blousy,darkish, gypsyish look: wrinkled appearance,old Celtic motif tattoos, jet black dyed hair, big silver jewellery, and of course, an Ankh™.…big silver hoops dangled from her withery lobes.
She took twenty bucks out of her bra, and put it on the table.
"I'll pay you! For information about my missing daughter.…
I was cursed by a rival Fortune teller, way back when I was a sexy young Gypsy" (she smiled provocatively, without teeth)
She leaned forward. She smelt of cats and sandalwood incense, (where we sat facing each other across the table.)
"Do you mean YOU'RE the mother of the werefrog??" I said in amazement. She smiled smugly.
"Of course! Only Gypsies can create were-beings,
whether wolves, or whatever. Don't you ever get out?"
I admitted I basically knew this.
"So", she said intensely, " where is Missy, and where's that #!$@+#! Bergergeron woman, who STOLE her from me!"
I was gobsmacked..…
Then my parents walked in.
As I was hustling her quickly out the door, I remembered something.…
'Giant Frog Terrorizes Rebel Soldiers,'it blared —
and it was dated June 20, 1862.!!!
"How OLD are you???? I hissed, into her wrinkly ear......
I had snatched up the files from the table and floor and dashed out after her. She waited by the Gran Torino™.
“Take me,” she hissed, “Take me to see Ms. Bergergeron. Hurry!”
Her panicky voice alerted me to glance around. Dark shadowy forms approached.
I frantically wriggled the screwdriver in the car ignition but it wouldn’t catch. The shadowy forms sped their approach. I could hear their ragged breathing!
”Oh, f—k a stick,” She snarled,and loudly snapped her fingers. The car engine started immediately, and we sped away.
Whipping out my smartphone™, I tossed it to Minerva, "Google Bergergeron!!!" I yelled, (pedal to the metal) behind us on motorcycles came the Lycanthaphibians, gaining fast.
I began to feel like princess Diana, and banished the queasy thought...."got it!" she said, and read me the address. "Hold on!" I shouted, whizzing through a train-track Grade crossing signal just as the speeding train flew by, laying on the horn.
We left the bikers shouting profanities in their froggy language, on the far side....
"Hey, Minerva, why are the werefrogs chasing US?"
I suddenly asked.
She smiled......
“Pull over here,” she gestured, suddenly appearing younger and relaxed. I drove up a dirt road, through the thickening fog, until we were out of sight. She reached over onto the back seat and retrieved the loose stack of articles, files and photos, and leafed through them.
“Ah! Do you understand the value of these documents? Do you know what this means? lividity?” She waved an official looking page from the Coroner’s Office in my face.
Um no.”
“It means John Brown was killed elsewhere and his body was moved to the gym before Mrs. Bergergeron found it!”
Headlights abruptly lit up behind us. Were we cornered? This time the screwdriver caught the ignition on the first try, I made a u-turn on two wheels, and sped around the followers.
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Part 4: Bergergeron and Brown
"Aieeeeeee!" I screamed
Minerva punched me hard on the arm.
"Shut up little baby! You want them to hear???"
"oww" I said peevishly.
She certainly was a tough old trout....
Minerva snapped her ring laden fingers again,
and suddenly the car, seemingly with a mind of it's own,
floored it at about 100 mph. I clung to the wheel with white knuckles.
After about 20 minutes, it returned itself to my control.
We were just outside the town square.
I pulled over by the statue of a fat racist and his horse.
"Ok, what's the story with Brown and Bergergeron?
the whole story this time!", I glowered.
She giggled.
"Ha- nice glower, boychicjk", and pinched my cheek hard.
"Nice lip caterpillar!" Flicking at my attempt at a moustache.
"How old are you, anyways?"
I grabbed her younger seeming hands.
"How old are YOU???" I said loudly, startling a dog who was wizzing on the horse.
"We Gypsies are ageless, as you can see" it's true she did seem younger…
"But what does that have to..."
"Brown and Bergergeron were married."
She said, and looked smug.
"Wha....Mr Brown and Ms Bergergeron?"
I sat back.
"Yep boychicjk. She couldn't have no kids, so they decided to adopt.
You know all those Russian babies that get adopted? Stolen sometimes- by rival Gypsies. Missy got passed through the baby black market. They didn't realize she was...different...."
"Different! ya mean like Werefrog different???"
She gave me a black look.
"Hey doggy, come over here- I got another racist for you to wizz on"
She said out of the car window.
"Get me to Bergergeron. Now."
She wasn't kidding around anymore.
So we took off again,into the misty night....
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Pt 5:
Who killed John Brown, and did he Lie a-mold’ring in the grave and for how long?
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The Clarion Times, May 14, 1972
Frogs interrupt George Wallace rally, Two still missing.
Two George Wallace campaign staffers are still missing after they attempted to break up a throng of frogs whose loud croaking had interrupted the Candidate’s speech. The staffers vanished in a strong back current at the Old Tar Gas pond, next to the new nuclear plant.
I wondered where was John Brown on that day?
(Other Cases of Teenage Lycanthaphibianism:
Our situation was not unprecedented.…
Other towns had been plagued by rumours of teenage werefrogs: strange eerie peeping sounds echoing in the night,into the lonesome morning hours,flys disappearing en masse,webbed footprints the size of a large man's!
Usually the rumours came to nothing. But in some few cases, what began as uneasy whispers escalated into outright horror. Missing pets, mutilated backyards,and worse. Much worse. The captain of the football team in Watership Downs had been arrested for trying to get the head cheerleader to release her eggs into water,went one story...
Pt 6: We finally get to the Bergergeron house
As we drove up the narrow rutted dirt driveway, the sound of frogs croaking became louder and louder. I could see Minerva’s lips moving but could not hear a word. The Torino kept hitting overhanging branches and the crashes and cracking sounds unnerved me further.
Eyes widened and all jumped as I shrieked in sudden horror, gesturing toward the window. Just beyond the pane in a ragged web of summer heat lightning, there he crouched, head arched and croaking skyward in deathly deep, unlovely tones. Little Jiminy Boggerman was metamorphosing into a bumpy, bristly lycamphibian, right before our bugged eyes!
“But how — ?” several springers peeped.
Just then, a cool vernal wind rustled the rushes, as high above clouds raced, jockeyed, dispersed to reveal a full wormmoon™.
Mouths agape, even the bully frogs ceased their jeering, polliwogs wriggled nervously and Heather 2 squeaked. “A-about those archives? D-do you know h-how to u-u-use them?” she stammered....
Rise With the News at the Sun Papers!
Big Bad Klan Chased by Frogs June 16, 1938.
A much-touted Klu Klux Klan rally dissolved into a bizarre scene after several Klanners claimed that dozens of “frogs” had intercepted their parade route and were knocking them over. The Klanners fled the march after one of the alleged frogs somehow triggered a gunshot.
Donnie Trumf Jr., 30, was mortally wounded. Two other Klanners are still missing. Rumors of giant frog attacks have circulated in the back country for generations, especially near the old tar gas settling pond.
"Heathers!" I shouted. Then:
"Heathers???! Wha...."
Minerva was having none of it.
She leapt from the car, moving a lot faster than her supposed years.
"Outta my way, Doris Day!" She yelled, knocking everyone down
in her wake.
(The various werefrogs and their girlfriends looked variously awed...)
"Is the whole town cursed?!?" I shouted.
"boychicjk, try to keep up" she said, whilst doing something to the front door with herbs and bones. I suddenly realized she was trying to Jimmy the lock.
The door burst open with a boom, falling into the house, smoking. MS Bergergeron stood there with a loaded shot- gun. I suddenly remembered how John Brown bought the farm....
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The Daily Clarion, July 5, 1922
FROGGIES FRIGHTEN DRUNKEN LEGIONNAIRES, TWO DROWN
Police are investigating an incident near the old tar gas plant settling pond
**that may have caused two drownings.
Attendees at the 4th of July picnic claim that a sudden “wave” of frogs overwhelmed the area near the shoreline, driving two drunken legionnaires into the water, to be swept away.
“These were danged big frogs,” one witness insisted,”They would knock down a drunk man.”
Police are still searching for bodies
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Angmar
Part 7: MS Bergergeron, packing heat
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The bottom of the old Tar Gas Pond.
Time receded, taking me back to a childhood scene. John Brown digging in the well-composted soil around the moss roses - endlessly it seemed — until his spade hit something hard. The shock shook his shoulders and I yelled , “What was that?”
Throwing aside the shovel, he reached onto the whole, feverishly clawing away the remaining dirt from an old half-rotted wooden box. Chortling crazily, he plucked it from its resting place, “HaHA! It’s real and it’s MINE!” The otherwise unimpressive box creaked open, revealing a stash of worn bills bound with a threadbare bandana and a tattered slip of paper. “Blood money cursed by the Old Gypsy Frog.”
But I didn’t know that then. Only upon John Brown’s untimely death, when he hoarsely whispered it to the neighboring farmer who found him. That’s how we found out the mysterious source of money John Brown used to buy his farm and how the bog became cursed.
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64
But this became one more piece in the puzzle. How did a neighboring farmer find the dying John Brown, when Ms. Bergergeron claimed to have found him dead in the gym?
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64
I turned to the Heathers, who had followed us from the car. “What in God’s name are YOU doing here?” I demanded.
Ms. Bergergeron stepped out onto the porch, pointing her shotgun at the Heathers.
”Go ahead, tell him,” she screamed.
”No! That’s our secret,” wailed Minevera.
”If Minevera’s daughter is Ms. Bergeregron’’s mother, than what are we?” cried the Heathers.
”Then what are we to each other?” demanded Ms. Bergergeron, now pointing the shotgun at Minevera, “Mother? Daughter? Mother AND Sister?”
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Angmar
"I'm my own gran-ma...!"
I sang, hysterically.
Everyone turned to give me the dirtiest of dirty looks.
I smiled sheepishly and sat down on the hood of the car...
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Part 8: Bergergeron admits to offing Brown
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64
Mrs. Bergereron lowered her shotgun. “I see we have a lot to talk about. Everyone git inside now, before little Jiminy Boggerman finishes morphing into a lycanthaphibian.
He’ll be hungry for brains in a few minutes. We’ll have to board up the door. I’ll make some tea.”
Minevera leaned towards me and said sotto voce,”Bring your files.”
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Angmar
Inside:
Books, everywhere-
from one shelf or another and on every flat surface.
And files, hundreds of cuttings and files.....
The house didn't stink of cats, but a weird fishy smell...
The musty smell of old carpet filled the corridor plus water damage smell. And the books-
on frogs, books on the occult.…
Books on occult frogs. Books on Gypsy curses..…
And I spied, with my little eye, something looking a lot like the infamous Frog Court Archives!
" If you ask me for a story on a night like this, when the wind howls through the canyons like a live thing" she began, " there’s only one I can tell. I know well that when I’ve gone up to bed, some of you will whisper that I’m just a cray cray widow who should, by rights, be dead by now. How well I understand that there are truths too frightening to believe. But truths these are." MS Bergereron sat on the arm of the couch, which was covered in papers.
We stood around.....
"Around eight o’clock on the night in question, Principal Fingerhut had heard a brief shriek of terror. What she found when she investigated sent her flying back to her office in a seizure of panic and horror. She would not soon forget what she’d discovered in the gym. Some creature with superhuman strength—surely, it could not have been a man—had ripped the gym apart, leaving swampy water and a trail of slime..."
She called me to get there asap...
I told her I'd call the cops and deal with it.
Instead I pulled the body of my husband out of the car trunk, where I'd stashed him, and dumped him in a corner.…
he had wanted to get rid of Missy ever since she went through puberty and became a teenage werefrog...
We fought, and he was going to the cops!
I'd had enough. I grabbed pa's old shotgun, and that was it…boom!
John Brown's body Lay a-mold’ring in the split-level ranch, with sunken living room and a nice wooden deck on the back..."
she trailed off. "The bastard."
I stepped forward:
"But-who's this other John Brown, and where did all these Lycanthphibians come from?"
THAT WAS THE QUESTION!
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64
I tried to make eye contact with Ms. Bergergeron, while I shuffled through a table full of her paperwork. She would not meet my gaze.
“Heathers? Any comment? Did you release your eggs into the water with Jiminy?”
* Crickets *
”It must have been a tough episode, loading and unloading John Brown’s body in the dark of night, “ I offered sympathies to Ms. Bergergeron.
”Well, the full moon helped a little,” she offered.
”A Wormmoon™ perhaps?” I asked. Minevera gasped.
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Angmar
Suddenly, from the front yard there was a terrible roar-
Like Spring Peepers but amplified by thousands!
"Missy!" MS Bergergeron breathed, sitting down abruptly.
The Heathers and their little were-boyfriends huddled in terror.
"Shit!" I said, and leapt behind the couch.
Only Minerva seemed unphased.
"Sing" she suddenly said.
"Wha????"
"SING boychicjk! If you value your boring little life, SING!"
"Um....ok" so i belted out the song which had had the most meaning in my young life:
"To my surprise, one hundred stories high
People getting loose y'all, getting down on the roof
Folks are screaming, out of control
It was so entertaining when the boogie started to explode
I heard somebody say
disco inferno
(Burn baby burn) burn that mother down
(Burn baby burn) disco inferno
(Burn baby burn) burn that mother down
Satisfaction came in a chain reaction
(Burnin')
I couldn't get enough, so I had to self-destruct
The heat was on, rising to the top
Everybody going strong, and that is when my spark got hot
I heard somebody say
disco inferno
(Burn baby burn) burn that mother down y'all
(Burn baby burn) disco inferno
(Burn baby burn) burn that mother down"
Yah!
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"Everyone sing!
"Music soothes the savage beast!"
Minerva bellowed....
"Actually it's breast....." I said, pedanticly.
Everyone gave me the dirtiest of dirty looks once more.
(But they all began to sing...…)
Then- It had worked!
Something was coming.…
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Pt. 8 The Lycanthaphibian cometh
64
The floor shook, we looked over, and John Brown was there, eight feet tall with scales, claws and teeth, straight from the Black Lagoon, draped in seaweed.
“Um, the front door was open. Actually, it was laying on the floor.”
You could have heard a chorus frog fart in the suddenly silent room.
The Lycanthaphibian John Brown stepped over and handed a battered envelope to Minerva.
“There,” he smiled, “I’m giving you back the cursed blood money with which I bought the farm. Now please lift the curse!”
“Eh,” dismissed Minerva, but she did wave her hands just so. The room shimmered like jelly and then stopped, and now John Brown was a man again. Geeky looking, but a man.
“Now where’s Missy?” demanded Minevera.
“Here I am mommy,” exclained one of the Heathers, while standing up.
"Missy's a valley girl?” moaned Minevera.
But then Ms. Bergergeron racked a shell into her shotgun's chamber. The sphincter-tightening sound got everyone’s attention.
“But I’ve already killed you,’ she cried at John Brown.
He smiled wryly. “You thought I was Lycanthaphibian, but all this time I merely conducted therianthropy, the shedding of skin. I admit my shedding is quite elaborate, and I do reuse the skin.”
“Like a selkie,” I blurted out.
“Exactly. Ms Bergergeron shot up my human skin while I was out prowling as a werefrog, and submitted it as my body.”
Speaking of werefrogs,” I complained,”something’s biting my ankle.”
“Oh,” laughed Minevera,”Lifting the curse doesn’t eliminate the werefrogs, it just makes them very small.”
“Goodbye,” she cackled and started to spin.
“Wait!” I grabbed her arm. “How old are you, really?”
She looked deep into my eyes and reality went haywire, but I heard her voice, “I hung around St. Petersburg, when I saw it was time for a change.”
Her eyes flared,”Good luck on the Solstice, boychijk!”
She broke away, finished her spin, and vanished.
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Angmar
"Minerva....Minerva....isn't that some old...." I started…
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"Minerva is the Roman goddess of wisdom. She was also the goddess of trade, the arts, and strategy in war. Her domains included medicine, poetry, and handicrafts as well. ..."
Heather/Missy said. We all just looked at her.
"Not to mention Satan .." I muttered.
"What?" She said looking around. " I have a photographic memory!" She shrugged.
"Missy?"......Ms Bergergeron said,approaching hesitantly.
"How long have you been a Heather?"
"Always! I can morph! goddess ma, you know!" She flipped her hair.
We all mumbled our agreement, looking down...…
"Yeah, yeah"
Heather (1) gave Ms Bergergeron a coy and charming smile....
"Hey, ma can I borrow the car tonight?"
All the other Heathers™ and their now non-werefrog boyfriends jumped up to go.
She grabbed the keys from under a pile of old papyrus scrolls, which fell over. "The Archives! Cool!" I yelled.
"OMG- YOU'RE SUCH A NERD!!!!"
The Heathers screeched in unison.
"What's your damage, Heathers?"
I said, sarcastically, but they had already flounced.
The Frog Court archives!
But where could I find...?
I knew one thing-
I needed some Red Bull, and a D#$@#!'s pizza Hawaiian style,
and fast..…
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Original(cough) story by:
(Original material pilfered from various sources. The story, all names, characters, and incidents portrayed in this production are fictitious. Including Oregon. No identification with *actual persons (living or deceased), places, buildings, and products is intended or should be inferred. No person or entity associated with this work received payment or anything of value, or entered into any agreement, in connection with the depiction of tobacco products. No animals were harmed in the making of this motion picture. Thanks and have a nice day)
addendum:
**the Great Heron is often associated in ancient mythology with the goddess Minerva
*** The Daily Bucket is a nature refuge. We amicably discuss the natural world and all of it's aspects. Please check out and support Meteor Blades Green News roundup every Saturday afternoon here on DK.
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Happy 4th