I have bipolar disorder. When I get into a manic state I sometimes become psychotic. Sounds pretty scary, right? Psychosis!
Well, psychosis just means that I can't tell what is real and what isn't real. I'm not crazy, just confused. My brain is lying to me and it's damn convincing.
In my case I hear voices. Specifically my name. I hear it as clearly as you would hear someone calling your name from another room.
I always know it's not real, because I'm home alone a lot. But it seems real.
That's psychosis. Not so scary huh?
I haven't had an episode in ten years, or longer. Not since I was diagnosed and put on an anti-psychotic.
A few years ago though I went into a bipolar mood state called a "mixed episode”. I was depressed and suicidal. But I was also manic and full of energy.
I began to form plans on how and when to kill myself. This scared me. I have the misfortune of seeing what suicide does to those left behind; my best friend’s father killed himself when we were in 7th grade. The grief she went through still affects her life today. I took an oath to myself to never put my loved ones through that, no matter what.
I told my husband I was suicidal and I called my psych doctor. I told her staff I was thinking of suicide and I needed to see her. They told me to check myself into the behavioral heath hospital half an hour away.
After six hours of waiting around I was admitted to one of the two inpatient wards. I was not in psychosis, my doctor said, but I did have my medication adjusted and would be observed for a few days until the crisis passed.
Being in a mental hospital is very much like I imagine being in jail to be — albeit a very cushy jail.
Staff monitor your whereabouts every fifteen minutes visually — they have a clipboard they check your name off of. It's discreet, but noticeable.
There are no sharp edges to anything. You can't have any cords or electronic devices. You can't keep toiletries out — they are locked away and you ask to be let into the room to get them. I broke the rules and kept my chapstick on me, or under my pillow. I'm addicted. So sue me.
The shower head is right next to the wall and thirteen feet off the floor. The bathroom and bedroom doors don't lock, and the bathroom door doesn't go floor to ceiling — there's a big diagonal section where if someone stands on a chair they can see in.
You have free roam of the ward, but you are escorted and obviously kept an eye on during lunch. You are told if you have visitors and escorted to and from the cafeteria for your one hour of visitation a day.
The other patients are usually nice, I made a lot of friends, despite being really shy. There's nothing to do but sit and talk or watch TV at night, so we talk. We grow close in a way that unless you've been in a suitation like this is hard to describe, we all know the friendships have an expiration date — and we're glad of that. We all talk about getting out, and celebrate when our friends leave.
None of us were violent. We were mostly suicidal or harmful to ourselves, but quiet and had a lot in common for all our differences. We were normal.
I was there voluntarily, so I could have walked up to the nurses desk at any point in the week I was there and said that I wanted to go home, and reluctantly, they'd let me.
Others were not there voluntarily. They couldn't up and leave, but they were no more of a danger than I was.
Today Donald Trump said something in a speech about the recent shootings that should terrify us all. The mentally ill and the non-mentally ill.
He claims that mass shooters are mentally ill animals and that they should be locked up involuntarily if necessary.
That's terrifying to me as someone with a mental illness who has been hospitalized. I know that mental illness and mass shootings or other violent crime is not usually related. Mentally ill people cause about 5% of violent crimes.
We are far more likely to be the victims of the 95% of the violent crimes committed by the mentally stable.
Racism, sexism, extremism is not mental illness.
Mental illness is mostly your brain lying. Often about yourself.
Racism, sexism: these are ideologies.
If we involuntarily commit these violent people to mental heath hospitals it will put normal people at risk. Many hospitals aren't equipped to deal with violent patients. Those that are are overwhelmed as it is.
It's further terrifying because of our history of involuntarily locking up the mentally ill for prolonged periods. Decades ago I wouldn't have gone to the hospital for a week when I was 36. I'd have gone to the hospital when I was much younger and started to show signs of bipolar disorder and I'd still be there today.
For now this is just rhetoric from a man who needs mental health treatment himself.
I fear it could become reality, but the mentally ill they lock up won't be future shooters.
It’ll be me.
Monday, Aug 5, 2019 · 10:45:33 PM +00:00
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CrazyCatLady42
Remembering Jello helpfully found this page of stats on mental illness.
Some quotes:
- Approximately 1 in 5 adults in the U.S. (46.6 million) experiences mental illness in a given year.1
- Approximately 1 in 25 adults in the U.S. (11.2 million) experiences a serious mental illness in a given year that substantially interferes with or limits one or more major life activities.2
- Approximately 1 in 5 youth aged 13–18 (21.4%) experiences a severe mental disorder at some point during their life. For children aged 8–15, the estimate is 13%.3
Suicide is the 10th leading cause of death in the U.S., and the 2nd leading cause of death for people aged 10–34.20
From Remembering Jello’s comment:
Databases that track gun homicides, such as the National Center for Health Statistics, similarly show that fewer than 5% of the 120 000 gun-related killings in the United States between 2001 and 2010 were perpetrated by people diagnosed with mental illness.26