“How long have you been sitting there?” I asked, knowing full well he’d been nowhere near the couch when I had first walked by.
“I don’t know,” he said, lowering himself further onto my pile. As I watched he carefully sprawled himself out so that no piece of mail was untouched.
I tsked at him, shaking my head. “I need that,” I told him.
He ignored me and started licking his back leg.
I carefully reached under him and grabbed the corner of an envelope between my first and second fingers and pulled. It came out easily, sliding out from under him.
He stopped licked and turned to glare at me.
“I need this,” I told him again.
“It’s mine,” he said quietly.
I turned the envelope so he could see the front of it. “It has my name on it,” I pointed out.
He huffed and said, “I don’t care about what it says, it was on my sleeping spot, I’m lying on it, so it’s mine!”
We stared at each other.
With silent agreement we turned away and I concentrated on opening my electric bill while he went back to carefully grooming his fur.
I examined the bill and realized I didn’t need to pay anything yet – we have solar and the electric bill only really comes due once a year. I send them a check for the small fees that are due every month in advance so the bill only really needs my attention once every few months. I refolded the statement and slipped back into its envelope, dropping it to the floor beside me to dispose of when I was finished.
I looked back at my mail pile and the cat acting as a paperweight. Or maybe a dragon guarding his treasure, I mused, watching as he stretched out to his not inconsiderable length.
I could see a catalog poking out from under his belly and reached over to gently ease it from under him.
“Stop that,” he said without heat, his eyes closed.
I ignored him and worked the catalogue free. It was from a clothing store I frequent when in need of clothing or when I have some spending money. I flipped through it, looking at the new fall line and making note of the coupons and their expiration dates. New clothes weren’t really in the budget for me at the moment, however, and the catalogue soon made its way to the growing pile on the floor.
I turned back to my companion, eyeing the way his body covered the envelopes like a champion Jenga player.
“Don’t,” he said, before I could even make my move.
“Freddie,” I said, exasperated.
He cracked open and eye and looked up at me.
“It’s mine,” I explained, trying to be patient. “There’s stuff under your butt that I need right now.”
He closed his eye again and let out a long sigh. “That’s not my problem,” he told me. “I’m trying to sleep.”
I reached out and snatched a random envelope, no longer trying to keep from moving him.
He bounced up onto his feet and glared at me. “Hey!”
“Hey yourself,” I said, mildly, tearing open the envelope of the water bill, victorious.
From the corner of my eye I could see him sit down on the paper, still glaring at me.
I ignored him and focused on my water bill, taking a mental note of how much money was due to be automatically withdrawn from my account. No, there would be no new clothes in the near future, I thought with a sigh. I folded the statement back up and added it to my trash pile at my feet.
I turned back to my very annoyed cat and eyed the paper under his butt and paws. Without saying a word, I reached out and snatched the catalogue under his front paws.
He crouched and chased the catalogue with his paws, claws thankfully still retracted. Smiling, I shook the catalogue on the couch cushion and let him paw and jump at it.
I laughed at his antics and he suddenly stopped, his eyes snapping to mine.
“This isn’t a game,” he told me slowly, all offended dignity.
”Why do you do this?” I asked.
He glared, silent.
“Why do you always have to be in the middle of anything we’re doing?”
“Why do you do things that don’t allow me to be in the middle?” he asked, simply.
“I — “ I wasn’t actually sure what to say to that.
“I should be the center of everything you do,” he told me.
“You would hate that!” I exclaimed. “You like to be ignored most of the time!”
He huffed. “I like to be ignored when I want to be alone. You should not do anything unless I want to be in the middle of it.”
I chuckled a little, uncomfortably, fully picking up the catalogue and starting to page through it. There was nothing in it I needed so I dropped it to the pile on the floor.
When I turned back to the mail, Freddie was gone and the last envelope sat forlorn on the couch cushion. I picked it up and opened it. It was a plea for donations from an organization I had donated to in the past. I refolded the paper and shoved it back into the envelope.
I stood and stretched, then bent over to pick up the papers I had dropped on the ground.
Freddie stared up at me blandly from his perch on top of the pile.
“Freddie!” I said.
He blinked at me, then dismissed me, taking a small turn to curl up on the discarded paper.
Happy Caturday, Peeps! This was inspired by a true story that happens almost every week. We knew someone years ago who told us that when he would do the bills, he would take some bit of trash and tell his wife, “this is the important paper. This one right here,” shaking it at her. Then he would set it on the ground away from the paper he was actually working with. The cat would always always always come lay on that very important paper.
We love them because they are pests, I think.
Anyway, I’ll be in and out as usual as I am at work. I’ll try and respond to everyone, though it might be a little later in the day. Have a great Caturday, everyone!