The senator could not be reached to comment on the transcript, his office stating that his impeachment trial duties allow no time.
Senator McConnell: “Hello, this is Mitch.”
His balls: “Hey, Mitch. Your balls calling. We’ve missed you.”
Senator McConnell: “Well, I haven’t missed you. I’ve been getting along fine without you.”
His balls: “Not with voters, especially now that you’re working to save Trump.”
Senator McConnell: “Well, in the face of all that power, what are you gonna do?”
His balls: “He only has power if you give it to him. Have you no balls?”
Senator McConnell: “Sorry, you’re breaking up.”
His balls: “No! Don’t hang up! Your country needs you to do the right thing.”
Senator McConnell: “It’s not like I need you. I’ve got Donald, and he has balls enough for both of us.”
His balls: “What he has is not balls, it’s derangement.”
Senator McConnell: “What would I do without him?”
His balls: “How about governing?”
Senator McConnell: “Okay, now I know this is a prank call. You can’t possibly be my balls. They know I’ve never been interested in governing.”
His balls: “But your oath to the constitution—”
Senator McConnell: “Words. Just words.”
His balls: But . . .
Senator McConnell: “Good-bye. And good riddance.”