From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE…
C&J’s Annual Fundraiser Day 1: We’ll Be Brief
I never imagined when I started writing C&J 16 years ago that it would grow to be what it is today—a mental pressure-relief valve, a safe space free of pie fights where new Daily Kos readers can get their feet wet and, above all, a place where we can snork at the lunacy—political and otherwise—that swirls around us like a swarm of drunken, ill-mannered locusts wearing American-flag lapel pins.
Assuming I don’t get tossed in a cage by Stephen Miller’s goons, I promise to deliver more of the same in the coming twelve months. The snark, the Molly Ivins Moments, the puppy pics, the polls, the drunken posting of entire articles in violation of established copyright laws, the Wednesday Rapture Index (oh, yes...it’s coming, many people are saying), the free wash ‘n wax with any fill-up, and mixed-metaphoring my slow descent into madness ‘til the cows come home to roost.
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Cheers and Jeers starts below the fold... [Swoosh!!] RIGHTNOW! [Gong!!]
Cheers and Jeers for Tuesday, January 28, 2020
Note: Today’s meeting of the deep state has been moved from 10am to 1pm because Pam is double-booked and her Pilates instructor says her (Pam’s) minivan will be set on fire if she shows up even a minute late. Also don’t forget we're using the auxiliary bunker until we can figure out how to get rid of the cat pee smell in the main one. (As if it needs to be said: bad Fluffy, bad.) —Chet
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By the Numbers:
Days 'til Brexit: 3
Days ‘til Madison Winter Fest in Wisconsin: 4
Size of the "Mountain of Evidence" the House Impeachment Managers Delivered to the Senate: 28,578 pages
Public approval of Trump's impeachment in the latest ABC News-WaPost poll: 52%
Public approval of Bill Clinton's impeachment at this time in 1998, per ABC News-WaPost polling: 40%
Percent chance that, overall, Sanders supporters dislike Biden and Warren more than Biden and Warren supports dislike Sanders, according to Politico-Morning Consult polling: 100%
Percent boost in consumer confidence after Trump and China signed whatever bullshit trade agreement they just signed, according to he same poll: 0%
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Puppy Pic of the Day: #WheeliePup…..saved!!!
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BOOM! to the Sunday Night Massacre. Senate Republicans thought the impeachment trial of President Trump was over and done—all that remained was running out the clock and voting to acquit him in time for a triumphant State of the Union address. So they went to bed Sunday night with sugar plums and happy visions of eternal one-party rule dancing in their heads. And then, out of the fog and the mist appeared………………..their worst nightmare:
[T]he President ordered former national security adviser John Bolton to keep military aid to Ukraine frozen in a bid to coerce political favors.
The revelation, first reported by the New York Times, heaped new pressure on a handful of Republican senators who may be interested in hearing testimony from Bolton and other witnesses in a process that could significantly delay Trump's hopes for a swift acquittal as soon as this week. […]
[A] draft manuscript for Bolton's yet-to-be published book reveals that he was told by Trump to maintain a hold on military aid until officials in Ukraine opened investigations into...Joe Biden.
So, have any other reporters had a chance to gaze upon the Holy Grail of bombshells besides the New York Times? Oh yes. One of the best. John Nichols at The Nation:
What else is there to say? Happy year of the rat, everyone!
CHEERS to the tick tick tick of the countdown clock. Less than a week to go before Iowans and their sled dog teams trudge off into the frozen tundra to take their places in gymnasiums all across the state to choose the Democrat they want to be president. Here's a quick update on the candidates:
Sanders: "I'm leading in the polls!"
Biden: "Slow down, cowboy. You're tied in the polls. With me."
Klobuchar: "Dang blast it, I should be leading in the polls!"
Buttigieg: "You ever seen a gay candidate on the offensive? It looks like this: Meow Hisssss!!!"
Warren: Des Moines Register endorsement is in the bag!
Bloomberg: "I'm 100% for farms. Cubicle farms, that is! Ha ha ha."
John Delaney: "You Iowans better not have been pranking me when you said you'd vote for me if I ate 500 pounds of corn dogs in thirty days. Cuz I did.”
Andrew Yang: "Did you people not hear me? I said I WILL PAY YOU A THOUSAND BUCKS A MONTH. ONE….THOUSAND…CASH. Hello???"
Tulsi Gabbard: "How do you people…..urggnnnghh….pound in yard signs….arrghhrh….when your ground is frozen…urgghhrl…solid?!!"
And waiting in the wings to spring his trap and win it all in the upset of the millennium: Deez Nuts. Watch…and learn.
JEERS to premature descents. On January 28, 1986—good lord, 34 years ago—the Space Shuttle Challenger exploded 73 seconds after liftoff, killing all seven crew members, including civilian teacher Christa McAuliffe. I'm guessing that if you were more than toddler-age, you remember exactly where you were when you heard about it. I was in the Otterbein College (Westerville, Ohio) campus center at 11:38am, and can still conjure up the queasy feeling that set in when I realized what had happened. A stunned crowd of students and faculty gathered around the big-screen TV and just...watched. Lest we forget these were the heroes on board that day:
Today folks from the Challenger Center and elsewhere, along with family members of the crew, will commemorate the tragedy, starkly reminding the world that it takes off-the-charts courage, brains and skill to put yourself through the rigors of space flight. Which pretty much explains why I blog for a living.
JEERS to creepy crawlies with evil on their minds. If you liked ebola, you'll looooove the coronavirus. Yes, folks, nature's microscopic stormtroopers are spreading disease, death and fear as they infect their way to infamy. Thankfully the Trump administration hasn’t gutted the CDC entirely, so they're actually on the case:
» There is an ongoing outbreak of respiratory illness first identified in Wuhan, China, caused by a novel (new) coronavirus.
» Person-to-person spread is occurring. Other parts of China have also reported cases.
» Older adults and people with underlying health conditions may be at increased risk for severe disease.
» The situation is evolving. This notice will be updated as more information becomes available.
Coronaviruses are a large family of viruses. There are several known coronaviruses that infect people and usually only cause mild respiratory disease, such as the common cold. However, at least two previously identified coronaviruses have caused severe disease.
The most important thing, according to the CDC, is that “travelers avoid non-essential travel to Hubei Province, China, including Wuhan." In addition, C&J recommends that you duct-tape all of your neighbors' windows and doors so if they have the virus they can't spread it to you. Better seal their chimneys good and tight, too. Let's not take chances.
JEERS to Father Mailboxes Etc. Leave it to the merry band of perv priests to find new and creepy ways to torture kids in the name of Jeezus. This guy's taking the fast elevator downstairs when his ticker finally, blessedly, quits on him:
[Rev. Brian] Stanley was accused of wrapping a boy in bubble wrap and tape in 2013 in a janitor’s room at St. Margaret Church. The boy's eyes and mouth were also covered while he was left alone for an hour, according to the attorney general's office. Stanley was supposed to be counseling the boy.
That’s a pretty warped definition of counseling. He got 60 days in jail, which seems awful lenient to me. But at least, believe it or not, there may be a silver lining to this story. I think we just figured out how to update the priestly vestments around the world to identify the pervs: The ACME 100% Bubble Wrap God Girdle. Their slogan practically writes itself: "If you hear a pop…call a cop."
P.S. They sentenced the asshole on Bubble Wrap Appreciation Day. Well played, Judge.
CHEERS to the first ringy-dingy. On January 28, 1878, the commercial telephone switchboard made its national debut in New Haven, Connecticut. The first customers were Amanda Hugginkiss, I.P. Freely and Seymour Butz. We hear the first operator lasted a whole five minutes.
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Ten years ago in C&J: January 28, 2010
CHEERS to royal attractions. This will be quite the spectacle: Queen Elizabeth will deliver an address to the United Nations General Assembly this summer. One small programming note: if Muammar Gadaffi isn't done with the speech he started delivering there last November, the Queen will speak from the 7th Floor break room.
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And just one more…
JEERS to broken promises. Remember when President Obama starting holding those really cool science fairs at the White House that allowed the whole world to see the ingenuity and creativity of America’s physicists, chemists, biologists, and engineers of tomorrow? Remember how excited everyone was three years ago when the Trump administration said they were absolutely, positively going to continue the tradition? Yeah, well, here’s something else for you to remember: they reneged on their promise—there was no White House science fair in 2017. Or 2018. Or 2019. (And there sure as hell won’t be one in 2020.) So, since we have no best-of footage from the last three years, enjoy this classic moment from 2012, when the White House was a true laboratory of democracy instead of a dark fortress of doom...
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If they ever make one of those big enough to launch Cadet Bone Spurs, I call dibs on pulling the trigger.
Have a tolerable Tuesday. Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?
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Today's Shameless C&J Testimonial
“It is worth noting that Bangladesh is NOT Cheers and Jeers.”
—Secretary of State Mike Pompeo
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