From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE…
Before World War III Gets Into Full Swing
So that's the way it's gonna be, huh? Another Republican president, another fucked-up, unnecessary war in the most unstable part of the world.
Fine. But let's get one thing straight. And this goes for all of you in the media, too:
During the last fucked-up, unnecessary war in the most unstable part of the world, the liberals were right.
The liberals knew there were no WMDs in Iraq. The liberals knew we were being flat-out lied to. The liberals knew we'd win the war and lose the peace. The liberals knew every propaganda tactic the conservatives threw at us, up to and including planting a male hooker in the White House press corps to toss out softball questions, and passing off staged news conferences as actual news stories. The liberals followed the mountains of money being bulldozed to the coffers of incompetent private “reconstruction” companies run by Republican cronies. And we knew the real death toll.
We nailed the Iraq War fraud. The beforehand, the duringhand, the afterhand.
So as we proceed with Trump's merry little war following the assassination of Archduke Fuckety McFuckface, remember that the only voices with any credibility don’t come from the conservatives (including former neocons who now call themselves “Never Trumpers”), or the “moderates” in our midst, or the "if it bleeds or explodes we get a boner" media, or the "very serious people" in the punditocracy. The credible voices still come from Dirty Liberal Hippie Land. We have the best bullshit detectors, and the best memories. Full stop.
Having said that, you may now proceed to land a Navy jet on an aircraft carrier under a "Mission Accomplished" banner, Mr. President. I hear that's what all the cool power-mad chaos unleashers do.
Cheers and Jeers starts below the fold...
Cheers and Jeers for Monday, January 6, 2020
Note: Please rest assured that the congressional cafeteria has already changed French fries and French toast back to Freedom fries and Freedom toast. Technology was installed in 2003 that automatically makes the change whenever a new war based on pure bullshit is launched by the United States. It's just one more way we're working to serve you better every day and in every way. —Your Friendly Republicans in the United States Congress
-
By the Numbers:
Days 'til the Chinese New Year (of the rat): 19
Days `til the 16th annual Palm Beach Poetry Festival: 14
Average increase in drug prices among 60 major pharmaceutical companies as of January 1: 5.8%
Years since U.S. manufacturing output was as low as it is today, according to the Institute for Supply Management: 10½
Decline in beer consumption in 2018: 1.6%
Number of constituent cases resolved in 2019 by my congresswoman Chellie Pingree (D-ME): 784
Number of those cases having to do with me running out of candy corn: 37
Totally Random Golden Globes Score
Once Upon A Time in Hollywood 3 Rocketman 2
-
Puppy Pic of the Day: "We gather to eulogize Fluffy, who left this world… Oh wait, never mind.”
-
JEERS to losing sight of the big picture. President Trump, hewing closely to his strict doctrine of isolationism and de-escalation, ordered the U.S. military to send 3,500 troops to the Middle East, but not before he vaporized Iran's equivalent of a Mike Pence/Whoever-Our-Secretary-Of-Defense-Is hybrid with a missile on the tarmac at Baghdad International Airport and Duty-free Shop last week. In fact, Trump caused such a panic among our young'uns that they all went online to see of they'd been drafted for fierce hand-to-hand combat in the streets of Tehran and crashed the Selective Service's website. As carnage and chaos loom, Tom Friedman, of all people, ugh, manages to pull all the threads together and remind the idiotic human race that it’s fighting precisely the wrong fight at precisely the wrong time:
I write these lines while flying over New Zealand, where the smoke from forest fires 2,500 miles away over eastern Australia can be seen and felt.
Mother Nature doesn’t know Suleimani’s name, but everyone in the Arab world is going to know her name. Because the Middle East, particularly Iran, is becoming an environmental disaster area—running out of water, with rising desertification and overpopulation. If governments there don’t stop fighting and come together to build resilience against climate change—rather than celebrating self-promoting military frauds who conquer failed states and make them fail even more—they’re all doomed.
How does this all end? I dunno, but I'm sure the next Friedman Unit will be the most critical. It always is.
CHEERS to timeless advice. Seventy-nine years ago, on January 6, 1941, Franklin Roosevelt gave his famous "4 Freedoms" State of the Union speech, including this part:
"[T]here is nothing mysterious about the foundations of a healthy and strong democracy. The basic things expected by our people of their political and economic systems are simple. They are:
» Equality of opportunity for youth and for others.
» Jobs for those who can work.
» Security for those who need it.
» The ending of special privilege for the few.
» The preservation of civil liberties for all.
» The enjoyment of the fruits of scientific progress in a wider and constantly rising standard of living.
These are the simple, basic things that must never be lost sight of in the turmoil and unbelievable complexity of our modern world."
Read the rest here. We hear Eleanor loved it so much she gave her husband the first presidential fist-bump on record. (Sorry, Michelle.)
CHEERS to "current" events. This is a nice poke in the eye of Canada's Alberta tar sands cult. Some little green-energy elves up north are getting into some merry mischief with a little help from Mr. Sun:
Canada will soon be welcoming the largest operating solar energy project in the country—and it is also being hailed as “one of the largest in the world.”
The company now expects to begin construction of the project sometime during the first half of 2020, with full commercial operations targeted for 2021.
Greengate is an industry leading, privately-held Canadian renewable energy company based out of Calgary. Since 2007, Greengate has successfully developed close to 600 MW of operating—or near-operating—wind energy projects in Alberta and Ontario, including the 300 MW Blackspring Ridge Wind Project, which is currently the largest operating wind energy project in Canada. These projects represent well over $1 billion of investment and provide a clean source of power to more than 250,000 homes.
Like any energy project, there are risks involved. The tar sands industry, for example, is equipped to handle a worst-case scenario with a wet-vac and a massive "nothing to see here" public relations machine in case a pipeline breaks and creates an environmental catastrophe. Greengate has similarly invested in their own emergency equipment: a spritz bottle and roll of paper towel in case a bird shits on a solar panel. Dear god, I hope it's enough. (I still say they're courting danger by not investing in squeegee technology.)
CHEERS to the Land of Enchantment. Happy 108th birthday to our 47th state: New Mexico! Not many people know this, but the state's official insect is the tarantula hawk wasp, which apparently flew through the gates of hell to get here:
When a female is ready to lay her eggs, she seeks out a tarantula and injects it with paralyzing venom.
She drags the tarantula to a burrow and stuffs it down the hole, then lays her eggs on top of the paralyzed spider. Several days later the eggs hatch and the larvae feed on the still living tarantula.
Also: not many people know that the state maintains an army of giant tarantula hawk wasps in an underground bunker in Roswell. And also not many people know that therein lies the reason for the state's official motto: "What New Mexico Wants, New Mexico Gets."
JEERS to evil little creepy crawlies. They say it's going to be a bad year for the virus whose mission is to make us feel miserable by getting in our head, preying on our vulnerabilities, and weakening our defenses as it attempts to spread, person-to-person, across the country in an ever-widening circle of woe that causes family, friends and co-workers to say to those who display the stomach-wrenching symptoms: "Get outta here, you're sick and I don't want to take the chance that the crap you're spewing out of your mouth is contagious." But enough about Trump's evangelical supporters. We hear the flu season is gonna be bad, too.
CHEERS to the couple that keeps on keepin' on. Congratulations to George and Martha Washington on their 261st wedding anniversary:
On January 6, 1759, Washington, at age 26, married Martha Dandridge Custis, the 28-year-old widow of wealthy plantation owner Daniel Parke Custis.
The marriage took place at Martha's estate; she was intelligent, gracious, and experienced in managing a planter's estate, and the couple created a happy marriage. … They moved to Mount Vernon, near Alexandria, where he took up life as a planter of tobacco and wheat and emerged as a political figure.
But don’t worry about sending 'em a gift, though...they haven't spoken in years.
-
Ten years ago in C&J: January 6, 2010
JEERS to Dodd's departure. Sheesh. This morning we woke up to the news that the Democratic senator from Connecticut is bowing out. I like him. But this is apparently a good move for the party:
In this case, Mr. Dodd was already considered one of the most vulnerable Democrats facing re-election this November, and party officials had been privately hoping he would step aside. His move opens the way for the state’s highly popular attorney general, Richard Blumenthal, a Democrat, to run. Democrats and Republicans said he would be a much stronger candidate in what is a Democratic state.
I read on the prestigious internets that Blumenthal is something of a publicity hound and that, "The most dangerous place in Connecticut is between Dick Blumenthal and a TV camera." Yup...he's senate material alright.
-
And just one more…
JEERS to the Long, Cold, Dark Road Ahead. Our annual reminder that the next warm-weather holiday when most Americans actually get along weekend off is Memorial Day. That's 140 days away. To wash that lovely thought out of your head, here's the peppiest night-sky forecast in the entire universe from the Jet Propulsion Laboratory for the month of January:
-
Bonus good news: six days into the new year and our planet’s still here! (Our sanity? Still an open question.)
Have a tolerable Monday. Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?
-
Today's Shameless C&J Testimonial
“The past, present, and future of Cheers and Jeers is tied directly to the kiddie pool—without it, we would not exist."
—Alex Coronado
-