From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE…
The Brain of a Daily Kos Reader is a Fearsome Beast
Tying up a loose end from the dearly-departed year 2019, here’s a recap of some C&J poll results from the fourth quarter. It gives the world a moment to pause and collectively marvel at the sound judgment and Baby Yoda-like brainpower on display here at the Great Orange Satan. The total number of votes each C&J poll received is in parentheses:
✔ 95 percent of you disagree with Trump's sudden removal of U.S. troops from the Syria-Turkey border that left our Kurdish allies exposed to attack. (4,098)
✔ After we noted that halfwit Don Trump Jr. claimed that his family has sacrificed as much as the veterans buried Arlington National Cemetery, 100 percent of you correctly guessed that zero Trumps have ever served in our military. (3,500)
✔ 83 percent of you would prefer that your 40-hour work week be condensed to four days instead of five. (3,195)
✔ 98 percent correctly disagree with Nikki Haley, who claimed the confederate flag is "about service, sacrifice, and heritage" instead of slavery and treason. (4,120)
✔ 84 percent think the choice of teen climate activist Greta Thunberg as Time Magazine's Person of the Year is "great," while 11 percent called it "good." (4,304)
✔ 97 percent of you disagree with Supreme Court Justice Neil Gorsuch that there could be "massive social upheaval" if LGBT Americans are treated equally under the law. Yeah...he really said that. (4,297)
✔ Asked which state got the better part of the deal after Trump changed his residency from New York to Florida, 93 percent said New York. (3,362)
✔ We asked you to grade House Democrats for how well they did conducting and voting in the impeachment hearings. 63 percent of you gave 'em an A, while 30 percent gave 'em a B. (4,098)
✔ Republicans swore on all their Bibles that holding an impeachment vote in December would ruin everybody's holiday. After Christmas, we asked if your holiday was ruined because of the impeachment vote, and 99 percent of you said no, it was actually great. (4,571)
✔ And, most important, 7 percent of you share the president's concern that too many Americans have to flush their toilets "10 times, 15 times, as opposed to once." (3,537)
Please: keep voting in our polls. It'll keep ya sharp for November 3rd.
Cheers and Jeers starts below the fold... [Swoosh!!] RIGHTNOW! [Gong!!]
Cheers and Jeers for Wednesday, January 8, 2020
Note: If nominated, I will run (to the top of Mount Everest and destroy the world’s electrical grid with nothing but my thoughts). If elected, I will serve. (Refreshing iced milk and cherries!)
-
By the Numbers:
Days 'til Brexit: 23
Days 'til Bald Eagle Appreciation Days in Keokuk, Iowa: 10
Estimated number of bush fires in Australia: 161
Number of Mercedes-Benz vehicles recalled because their sunroof might fly off: 744,000
Percent chance the new Ford Mustang Mach-E electric car is already sold out: 100%
Estimated number of people who have died of the flu this season so far, according to the CDC: 2,900
Total ticket sales from the production of Hamilton during its 3-year run in Chicago: $400 million
-
Mid-week Rapture Index: 183 (including 3 false Christs and 1 really f*cked-up soul-purity test). Soul Protection Factor 94 lotion is recommended if you’ll be walking amongst the heathen today.
-
Puppy Pic of the Day: Elitists at Dog-A-Lago
-
CHEERS to your morning reality check. Let's zoom out and see if World War Trump has destroyed the planet yet:
Hey, look at that! Still in one piece. Good! Then again—[Looks at watch]—it's early.
JEERS to unnecessary roughness. Jeez. Puerto Rico just can't catch a break:
A magnitude 6.5 earthquake struck Puerto Rico in the early hours of Tuesday, according to the U.S.Geological Survey. Puerto Rico Gov. Wanda Vazquez signed an executive order declaring a state of emergency throughout the island Tuesday as well as an order that activated the National Guard. […]
The Electric Power Authority reported an island-wide power outage, saying on Twitter that power plants had activated their protection mechanisms and gone out of service. … In addition to the magnitude 6.5 quake, at least seven other earthquakes were recorded by the USGS as striking Puerto Rico in the early hours of Tuesday. Some of the subsequent quakes measured up to magnitude 5.6.
When he heard about the damage and loss of life in Puerto Rico, President Trump responded quickly and decisively by issuing a statement saying he had no plans to respond quickly and decisively.
CHEERS to flushing out Hitler's cockroaches. Trump's "very fine people" really thought they were gonna take over the country a few years back and jackboot their way to higher glory. Sorry to break it to 'em, but it's not working out too well as 2020 gets underway:
» The Hitler lover in New York who stabbed five people at a rabbi's home was caught and will spend the rest of his life behind bars, but not before thousands of New Yorkers marched across the Brooklyn Bridge to an anti-hate rally last weekend. And Gov. Cuomo wants to officially elevate the designation of hate crimes to domestic terrorism.
» A Nazi—that guy smirking to your right—who took part in the 2017 Charlottesville hate march and ran for the U.S. Senate in Florida is also in for a lengthy stay in prison, after he was arrested for kidnapping, domestic violence and possession of a firearm during a crime of violence.
» Thanks to some intrepid reporting by VICE, an ice detention center captain seething with hate and paranoia was outed Monday as a Nazi organizer. ICE itself may be Gestapo-lite, but even they don’t like being openly associated with Major Hochstetter wannabes.
Sorry, Uberuntersturhrmenfuhrers-in-training. Nuremberg rally denied.
CHEERS to humble beginnings. On January 8,1790, President Washington delivered the first, and deliberately bland, State of the Union address (here's ye olde transcript). Today he'd shock the Fox News cult out of their knee socks:
"Uniformity in the currency, weights, and measures of the United States is an object of great importance, and will, I am persuaded, be duly attended to."
That's right—the father of our country wanted to take your currency, weights and measures and redistribute their uniformity to everyone else. Damn socialist hippie. John Boehner should’ve impeached him while he had the chance.
JEERS to verdicts we did not request. As I write this, Mike Bloomberg is standing atop his mansion roof shouting "Fly, my pretties, fly!" while a cloud of winged hundred dollar bills thick enough to blot out the sun takes wing toward their appropriate media outlets as his campaign to buy the presidency continues. And this just in: he has an endorsement! Straight from the cesspool known as daytime TV, it's small claims “court” (the litigants agree to drop their charges, and any financial judgments are paid by the production company) Judge Judy:
-
You'll pardon me if I don't coddle to the words of a wealthy socialite with no idea how the government works, who makes a living as a reality TV star by yelling at and insulting people for ratings. That's kinda how we got into this mess in the first place.
CHEERS to the happy meeting of X and Y chromosomes. Today is National Male Watcher's Day. Seriously…it's a thing. Far be it from me to deny you the simple pleasure of viewing the male form in all its glory, so ogle away:
Don't say I never did anything for you. Like, for instance, give you nightmares.
-
Ten years ago in C&J: January 8, 2010
CHEERS to headlines worth waking up to. In the dead tree edition of yesterday's Portland Press Herald this gem of a masthead appeared: GOP chair forecasts party failure this fall. Yeah, that would be Michael Steele, who is currently in full damage-control mode for saying that the Republican party isn’t good enough, smart enough, and doggone it, people don’t like it enough to give it back the majority in the House. Steele says he's still "assessing and evaluating" the situation now. It gives him something to do as the doctor pulls the GOP shrapnel out of his butt. (Are we sure he's not a double-agent workin' for us???)
-
And just one more…
CHEERS to U.S. Mint'y freshness. Here’s something coming out of the government that won’t make us either dive in our fallout shelters or throw a brick at the TV: five more "America the Beautiful" state quarters will be released in 2020. The collection, which celebrates our national parks (or as Republicans call them, fracking zones), continues to weave its spell of “numismagic” on the nation for a tenth year. Here's a sneak peak at this year's lineup, which includes two bats, a painter, a red mangrove tree, a Norway spruce, and a Regal Fritillary butterfly. I think you'll agree they're quarterrrrrific:
National Park of American Samoa
Weir Farm National Historic Site: Connecticut
Salt River Bay National Historical Park: U.S. Virgin Islands
Marsh-Billings-Rockefeller National Historical Park: Vermont
Tallgrass Prairie National Preserve: Kansas
The first release of the year, due February 3rd, commemorates the National Park of American Samoa. It features a pair of bats. Bold prediction: Ozzie Osbourne is gonna be making a lot of emergency trips to the dentist this year.
Have a happy humpday. Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?
-
Today's Shameless C&J Testimonial
Mike Pompeo Reportedly Told Bill in Portland Maine He Will Not Run Naked through the Cheers and Jeers Kiddie Pool in 2020
—Mediaite
-