Yesterday, I received my ballot by mail, even though I never asked for one! Naively assuming it was legitimate simply because I’d received both a text and an email from the Colorado Secretary of State notifying me that it had been sent, I completed it today.
And then I drove over to the corrupt and insecure ballot drop box shown above, which is completely unprotected except that it’s in the city hall parking lot with cameras monitoring, and cast my completely illegitimate votes against Teenythumbs Tweetsalot and his despicable enablers. Oh — the police station is also in the same building, but they probably wouldn’t notice someone stealing the ballot drop box.
Tomorrow I shall receive texts and emails informing me that my ballot has been received and counted. These will doubtless come from the Chinese, or maybe the Taliban, but not the Russians, as Putin assured Trump that they would never attempt to interfere with our elections. Or maybe from the office of the Secretary of State.
Anyway, that’s my story of how I engaged in a completely unfair and insecure process which no one should trust to perform my duty as a citizen.