It's the last two weeks of the election, a pandemic is still sweeping unchecked through most of America, and there's an asteroid poised to pay us a visit on election eve—but who says we can't have some fun? McClatchy brings us some much-needed comic relief with this deadpanned gem for the ages, a look at Republican hopes for the debate tonight.
"Republican operatives say they are hoping for a crisp, policy-filled contrast from the president Thursday," sez McClatchy.
Ahahaha! Oh my God, you got us on that one. Did not see that one coming. Crisp!
While McClatchy goes on to note that none of those operatives are "holding their breath" for that outcome—after all, some likely have families that love them, or at least tolerate them—there's little explanation of what would count as a (pfffft) "crisp" debate night for America's steroid-riddled orange strongman. We do get hard-hard-right anti-tax Club for Growth president David McIntosh offering his advice: "If Trump forces it to be a selection on that vision for how America recovers from COVID ... I think his platforms beat Biden's platforms," he says. This seems delusional on a level passable by Trump himself; so far, the Trump camp vision for COVID-19 recovery has careened from "everything is already fine" to "what if we let the virus kill off a good chunk of everyone, letting the rest of us get on with our lives."
To be sure, "Club for Growth" has considered itself something of an aspirational worker abattoir for years now, but advising Dear Taxless Leader to emphasize his COVID-era leadership to paint visions of what his future nation might look like seems to be something Democrats would suggest he do.
But let's return to that word. Crisp. What in the world might a crisp policy debate from Donald the Insult Comic President look like? Just this morning the Trump White House willingly put out interview footage that made him look like the world's oldest toddler.
Trump spent the last debate yelling things out at random intervals, a performance so humiliating for all involved that the commission responsible for the debate then spent weeks fretting over what rules they could implement to constrain the man-child. (They chose the popular parental strategy of threatening him with a two-minute timeout.) In four years, he's never been able to elucidate a multi-sentence policy on anything that was not the same set of treasured weasel-words rearranged limply around whatever phrase he was questioned on.
Coupled with his recent post-hospital manic behavior, a "crisp" debate performance from Trump might be one in which he managed to keep his pants on the whole time. And as Rudy Giuliani just demonstrated to a horrified nation that Does Not Need This Shit Right Now, Rudy, even that may end up a challenge.
Will Trump walk out of the debate after getting a too-hard question? Will that count as crisp? Will he once again make the moderator curl up into a ball in raw, abject shame at being associated with whatever sub-oratory creature Trump transmogrifies himself into in fits of entitled self-admiration?
Will Trump keep his pants on?
We have gotten a bit of a preview from the Trump Team, and it does not look like Trump's plan is to dive into a crisp (pfffft) policy debate or lay out his Club for Growth-friendly vision of a post-apocalyptic COVID-19 utopia. Instead, he's going to shout things about Hunter Biden in an attempt to justify or deflect from four years of constant, nonstop Trump family and lieutenant scandals. It also appears that the Trump camp has largely given up on “preparing” Trump for this debate, which may or may not have to do with most of Trump’s debate prep team from last time around still recovering from a Trump-centered COVID-19 outbreak.
Will yelling about Hunter Biden be crisp? And is Trump truly only obsessed with egging on an emotional outburst from a fed-up Biden, as many have speculated? Does he think that would truly look good for him, or is his only hope, at this point, that he can somehow goad others into looking a tenth as aggrieved and feral as he himself is?