Chapter 39: The Shepherd’s Story
In which Reverend Shepherd testifies about his furry Road-To-Damascus moment.
“I was leading my youth group on a camping trip, some years back, when we were attacked by the Reaver Clan,” Shepherd said. “I'm afraid I was new to Redemption, and didn't take the stories about wolves seriously. Of course, no one ever admits publicly that there really are werewolves, so I suppose I had that small justification. I don't think they really wanted to seriously hurt us, just to scare us away from their territory, but I didn't know that at the time. I was just trying to hold them off until I could get the kids into our van, where they'd be safe. While trying to fend them off with an aluminium tent pole, one of them bit me. Everyone told me I was a hero, and that I was lucky I wasn’t hurt worse. I didn’t feel lucky, and I certainly didn’t feel like a hero.
“While I was in hospital, I received a visitor: Del Reeves, the leader of the Reaver Clan; the wolf who had mauled me. He apologized and assured me that he meant no malice by it; but he warned me that since I'd been bitten by a werewolf, there was a good chance that I would become a werewolf too. By means of making things up to me, he was offering me a place in his pack. He meant it as a kindness, although I didn't see it that way at the time. He was offering me community. 'You're not one of them anymore,' he said; 'You're one of us.' Soon the Change would come upon me, and I'd feel the burning blood-lust. The more I'd try to hold on to my humanity, the worse it would be.”
Shepherd gave a rueful chuckle. “I rejected his offer. In my foolish pride, I was certain that my faith would enable me to withstand any temptation. And deep down, I suppose, I didn't want to believe that werewolves were real, even after battling against them under the cold moonlight and feeling one's teeth in my flesh. I thought it couldn't possibly happen to me."
“Just in case, though, I made plans against the next Full Moon. I confided in a close friend and together we prepared a room in the church basement where I could be locked away and endure the change safely. I brought with me a Bible for companionship intending to spend the vigil in prayer and meditation. And several packages of ground beef to sate the hunger Reeves warned me against. I felt confident that I could hold back the Wolf."
He shook his head. "The Change was nothing like what I had imagined. The movies like to emphasize the physical transformation, the warping of face and limb, the sprouting fur and the lengthening teeth. I don't think I even noticed that. What I first felt as that first full moon rose was a burning, deep in the marrow of my bones, and then a deep, primal desire, gnawing at the core of my being. It was like a hunger, but more than a hunger. I wanted to kill; to devour; to tear off my garments and run naked in the moonlight." He tightened his fists and his voice took on a rough vehemence which startled Strephon, but Shepherd continued unheeding.
"I rent my garments like Caiaphas; I could not bear the sensation of the rags of humanity against my fur. I fell upon the meat I had brought and devoured it all. Still the hunger gnawed my vitals. I threw myself against the walls of my cell and beat against them until my paws were bloody. I tore the cover and pages from my Bible, the Bible I had brought for comfort which mocked me on the floor of my cell, and I scattered the pages and shat upon them. And I prayed, Mister Bellman. Lord, how I prayed. I tried to call on God to end the burning, burning within me, but my tongue could no longer utter speech; so I cursed Him instead with a loud, unending howl of blasphemy."
The Reverend Shepherd lowered his head as if weighted down by the burden of his memories. His voice sank almost to a whisper. "It was then, in my hour of deepest despair, when I felt abandoned by God and forgotten by men, sealed away in a tomb of my own devising, that my eyes fell upon something. My paw..." he raised his hand, almost like a benediction, and gazed at it like a thing of wonder; "...my paw was resting on a torn scrap of paper, one of the pages of my Bible. And on that page, I read: 'And God made the beast of the earth after his kind, and cattle after their kind, and everything that creepeth upon the earth after his kind...' His voice had regained its power and rose to a crescendo as he concluded: 'and God saw that it was good!'"
Despite himself, Strephon felt as a thrill as the Reverend declaimed the familiar passage. The man certainly was an effective preacher. "Genesis, chapter one," Strephon murmured, nodding.
"That is when it came upon me like a thunderbolt. There were wolves in Eden! 'God made the beast of the earth and everything that creepeth upon the earth'! Cats and mice and cows and elephants... and wolves, Bellman! Wolves! And they were all good! You cannot comprehend what that meant to me at that moment. I had been trying to fight against the Wolf within me, regarding it as a corrupting evil. But what if I was wrong? The Wolves of Eden were good, just as all God's Creation was good. Yes, they became fallen later when Sin entered the world, just as the rest of our fallen world, but they were not that way to begin with. And even as a sinful man may strive to be a more godly one, so may a fallen wolf strive to be a more godly wolf."
It was an interesting theological point. Strephon wondered what his teachers at the seminary would have said to it. "Go on," he said.
"I spent the rest of the night gathering the pages of my sundered Bible and piecing them together with my clumsy paws. The hunger which had tormented me shortly before had itself been devoured by an even stronger hunger for knowledge; for the Truth. It seemed like each new page brought a new understanding, a new insight into the Gospel. For example, John 3:16, 'For God so loved the World that he gave his only begotten Son...' I suddenly realized that verse wasn't just talking about All Mankind; it meant All of Creation, whether human or otherwise. Well, anyway, to make a long story short, by the time Lukas came to release me the following morning, I had worked out a rough outline for a new theology."
"Lukas? Lukas Bianca was your friend?"
Shepherd hesitated. "Yes," he admitted. "He was a member of my congregation. We were good friends at the time. He... he was not a wolf then."
"What happened?"
"He said he wanted to share my ministry. He wanted to better understand my Lupine Gospel."
"He wanted to know what it was like to be a wolf."
Shepherd hung his head. “He asked me to ‘turn’ him. That’s what the wolves call it. I dislike the term myself. Reeves understood that wolves are social animals and that I would need the companionship of others like myself; and I thought I could form my own community. That was a mistake.” He sighed. “You know, people like to call lycanthropy a curse, and so it can be. Yes... so it can. But it can also seem a tremendous blessing. It gives one a tremendous sense of vitality, of heightened perception, of power..."
"And as Lord Acton observed, power corrupts."
The pastor gave a rueful chuckle. "Well, far be it from me to contradict Lord Acton; but I think rather that it is a great revealer. Rather than corrupting a man, it magnifies the traits that person already has."
"And what traits would you say Bianka had?"
"Before, I would have said his most prominent one was zeal. In retrospect, I think it was chiefly ambition. He wanted to become a man of influence. He joined the Reaver Pack, which gave him contacts within the City's supernatural community. He worked his way up in the pack hierarchy, soon becoming Del Reeves' right hand, as he had once been mine. At the same time, he formed the Redemption Decency League to become a force in the Daylight World. Ultimately, Reeves died in an incident involving having his throat ripped out."
"I've been given to understand that this is considered natural causes among werewolves."
"So it is. I cannot say for certain knowledge who did it, but soon afterwards, Lukas took over the Reaver Pack. Leadership of the Reavers gave Lukas a seat on the Council, and that's where he is today."
This all comported with what Lydia had told Strephon, but added little useful to what he knew. "What can you tell me about the collars?"
Shepherd wrinkled his nose. "He started giving those to his pack shortly after he took over. He must have gotten them through one of his contacts on the Council. They have some sort of enchantment on them that mitigates some of the werewolf's natural vulnerabilities. Chiefly, it makes them less susceptible to silver."
"Ah." Ferner Cooper had told him much the same thing. That explained how the wolves who had attacked Strephon and Cassandra outside the restaurant had penetrated Grandma Simms's protective wards. They would not have been protected from the faerie enchantments on his own sword-canes. Thinking of Miss Cooper reminded him of something else.
"And what about you?" Strephon asked. "I gather that you and Mister Bianka are no longer on good terms."
"Well, I'm sure you know I was removed from my parish."
"I had heard something about that."
"Lukas was involved with that."
"Was he, now?" This news did not exactly conflict with the impression of Bianka that Strephon had already formed; nevertheless it came to him as a shock.
"He wrote a letter to our District, signed by several of our Board of Elders, citing my doctrinal lapses and requesting my removal. Rather than foment a schism in our congregation, I resigned."
"That unmitigated bounder!"
"I imagine he found it inconvenient to his social ambitions for him to be associated with a heretical nonconformist. And taking the lead in my removal helped establish him as a Guardian of Public Morals. But I suppose I do owe him a debt of gratitude. I was becoming so focused on my Gospel of the Wolf that I was neglecting the Gospel of Christ; I was trying to develop my new theology when I should have been attending to the needs of my flock. God had a different plan for me, and used the evil Lukas wrought against me for good. I started up this mission here and it has given me the opportunity to make a difference in the lives of people outside the traditional scope of the Church: wolves without packs, magic users who have been expelled from their communities; the homeless and the hungry, human or otherwise. I've tried to make this mission a place of rest; and, for those that desire it, a spiritual home as well."
Strephon moistened his lips. "Tell me. Do you by chance know of a wolf named Luna?"
The muscles on the back of Shepherd's neck tensed, and Strephon could imagine his ears flattening with suspicion. "Luna is a common name among werewolves. Why do you ask?"
"I recently met a woman named Miss Cooper, Miss Ferner Cooper, who has been looking for a friend, a wolf who disappeared some time ago." Should he mention that the two were lovers? He wasn't sure how the clergyman would react to that. In any case his instincts of propriety made him hesitate to divulge that sort of personal detail. "They were very close, and Miss Cooper has been extremely worried. Since this Luna is a wolf, Miss Cooper can't exactly go through the normal channels to locate her; but it occurred to me that if she were in trouble, Miss Luna might have come here for help."
The pastor was slow in replying and his answer cautious. "If she were in trouble, she might not wish to be found."
"That had also occurred to me. But I promised Miss Cooper I would help her if I could." He pulled another calling card out of his breast pocket and jotted down Miss Cooper's address on the back. "I would be grateful if you could let her know if anything were to come up."
Shepherd solemnly accepted the card. "If there is any information I can give her, I will."
"Oh, and I should also mention... Miss Cooper is of the Faerie Tribe."
The revelation did not seem to bother him. "Thank you for the warning. I shall tuck my crucifix away and refrain from turning my jacket inside-out should I visit her."
They chatted a bit more about Shepherd's ministry, and Strephon recalled that he had earlier spoken of making a donation to the mission. As he made out a check, he commented: "It is a bit ironic, isn't it? You were the one who didn't want to join a wolf pack, but in the end you became the Alpha Wolf of a pack of your own."
"Christ is our Alpha," Pastor Shepherd corrected him. "And our Omega; for surely he has made himself the least of the pack to save us all.
