We live in a democracy. I think that means is that we should make the attempt to listen to voices from the opposition. Admittedly it’s difficult, when the opposition hasn’t said anything remotely sensible in around 60 years.
Because we still believe in democracy, we found some discarded red hats in a local landfill, had them dry cleaned and passed them out to the dedicated staff at the NNNE University Translated Jerk Off Butthead Statements Or Never Pretending A Republican Actually Deserves Empathy™ department. After several rounds of psychological counseling and massive doses of stomach calming medication we sent our team out to interview the greatest thinkers, sharpest minds and guiding lights in the spoon drawer that is all that is left of the republican party.
Before we get to the results of the interviews, we made a startling discovery. Every person we interviewed had one of those QR codes tattooed on their necks. We followed the link and this is what we found:
This meat puppet is controlled by a wholly owned subsidiary of Koch, Adelson, Mercer, Murdoch, Smith, bin Salman & Putin (aka the republican party). It is prohibited by contract from having any opinions, thoughts or eureka moments without the express consent and prior authorization of the ownership group or their designated representative — Louie Gohmert. In case of a contractual violation, please carefully package the puppet up an a large box and send it to RNC Staffing Headquarters in False Idol, Kentucky, for reprogramming and attitude adjustment.
We asked everyone that we managed to contact the following question: What are the greatest, most important accomplishment of the tRump administration or the republican party?
Mike Pompeo: We did a great job of fulfilling all the precursors to the End Times prophecies.
Stephen Miller: We stopped those filthy immigrants at the border.
“Moscow” Mitch McConnell: We packed the court and made those dirty libtard’s heads explode.
Elaine Chao (aka Mrs. Mitch): We’ve made you yellow dog imperialist capitalist pigs suffer.
Mike Pence: Neither Charles, Sheldon, Robert, Rupert, David, Mohammad or Vladimir haven’t told me what my answer is yet. But as soon as I know I’ll get back to you.
Wayne LaPierre: We pushed our new interpretation of the Second Amendment and that has led to our gun toting, pretend patriot friends terrorizing communities of color, giving a big boost to my holding in Smith & Wesson.
Tucker Carlson: We gave psychopaths, sociopaths (like me), perverts, thieves, con artists, and nutjob conspiracy theorists a place to call home.
KKKayleigh McNinny: We gave America Donald tRump.
William Barr: We have almost succeeded in turning the United States into a monarchy. We just need a few more years.
Rudy Giuliani: I was not hitting on that woman. It was Hunter Biden.
Mark Meadows: I cherish the time I’ve been able to spend with the first family.
While none of tRump’s demon spawn are considered to be shining lights, or even dull glows, we decided to interview the extended tRump clan anyway.
Lara tRump: My father-in-law thinks I’m hot, just like his daughter.
Eric tRump: Can I have some more paste?
Kimberly Guilfoyle: Junior does everything I tell him. It’s so refreshing.
Don Junior: My book sold a lot of copies and no one noticed who drugged out I am most of the time.
Ivanka tRump: We’ve gone great things for Goya Foods.
Jared Kushner: I love watching my father-in-law and wife when they are together.
Melania tRump: I don’t like questions. How about I give you blowjob instead? I need to get taste of Meadows out of my mouth.
Donald tRump: Person, man, woman, camera, … uh … wait … I know this … Just a minute … Jared, get in here. What’s that last word? I have to prove my geniushood and I can’t screw this up.
After their ordeal, because of our careful preparations, none of our interviewers suffered any permanent mental anguish, although everyone wants to shower every 30 minutes or so.
Voting Update: At least 73.3 million people have already voted (143% of the 2016 early vote & 53% of the total vote in 2016). 8.2 million people have already voted in Texas. The numbers don’t include any votes that were cast today. 46 states have surpassed their early vote total from 2016. 27 states have already surpassed half of their total vote from 2016.
Sic semper tyrannis
GOTMFV
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