My fellow Americans,
Despite all the happy horseshit my doctors say, I’m seriously sick right now. I’m a tremendously strong person, but it will be a while before I fully recover. Even then I’ll probably have organ damage. The silver lining is that I won’t have to stand trial for all of those terrible things my enemies accuse me of. Not having to stand trial means that I’ll be SAFE after I leave office.
Of course I’m gonna stay in the race so that I can challenge the results, but I’m writing to let you know that it’s OK for you to vote for Joe Biden instead of me. I’ve done a tremendous job fighting the virus, but with all of those experts I still got sick. They’re losers! Joe will probably keep you safer from COVID than my people will.
Pence? He was HEAD of the covid task force, and I still got sick, so he can go to hell.
Don’t worry about the country if Joe gets elected. Mitch McConnell will make sure that the Democrats can’t pass laws to help blacks, and he’ll keep taxes low for rich people. He’ll support those fine folks who are standing by. None of that planet-hugger stuff will get passed. Liberal judges? We own the libs. Brown people voting? Pfft. You can trust that working slobs will get shit as long as Mitch is around.
The same goes for all the other tremendous people in my administration, Barr, Pompeo, Betsy, Ted. It took Lindsey a while to come around, but, like Nixon used to say, “When you have them by the balls, their hearts and minds will follow.”
It’s OK if you don’t vote. It’s OK if you vote for Joe. Just make sure that I go down in history as the greatest president this country has known. I did this so you could be FREE from those goddamn masks.
Sincerely,
Donald J. Trump