I had a day off, my patient died. I knew he was fragile but it still hurts. The treating team did everything medically possible to save him. His ARDS worsened, his alveoli just couldn’t convert the O2 any longer. He needed ECMO but we had no more beds available. They were trying to rig something up but a blood clot broke loose and stopped his heart. No amount of medical intervention could save him, he died, it was quick. We are nurses, we care for the sick and sometimes the dying. It is what we do and who we are. I try to remember that but sometimes it’s just hard, so damn hard. I am at work, just finished the update on my deceased patient, waiting for my next patient, I think they are sending me to NT CCU. Got to go now.