Donald Trump came into office having been involved in over 3,000 lawsuits. So no one should be shocked that when Trump gets into trouble, his reaction is to reach for Roy Cohn ... Uh, Michael Cohen … No, wait, make that Rudy Giuliani—and file lawsuits everywhere. That means a lawsuit in Michigan, and a recount filing in Wisconsin, and multiple lawsuits in Pennsylvania. On Thursday, Trump has teams heading for Georgia and Nevada, there to get them to stop counting. Or maybe count some more. But definitely to make them count differently until they find the numbers that say he wins. Then they can quit.
To put some
boots Louis Vuittons on the ground in all these states, Trump is reaching deep into the bags of people he used and discarded before. So Trump has pulled Pam Bondi and Corey Lewandowski from some beach in Florida and express-shipped them to Pennsylvania, where they can join the star duo already holding down the fort: Rudy Giuliani and Eric Trump. Meanwhile, former acting director of national intelligence Richard Grenell is in Nevada to revive the “dead people voting” claims that Republicans usually reserve for Chicago. What all these efforts seem to have in common is nothing. As in: There is no evidence for these suits.
Honestly, Giuliani and Eric Trump sound like a perfect pairing. Like Lewis and Martin. Abbott and Costello. Think any good comedy team, and now imagine they don’t know they’re actually supposed to be funny. Except they're hilarious.
And then Bondi arrived on the scene with big news. She has a court order (pause for cheers) that says Pennsylvania … must allow Republicans to observe the vote-counting process. Which is fine. Because Pennsylvania already allowed Republicans to observe. Never stopped them from trying to observe. Encouraged them to observe. In fact, they’ve had a live stream of the vote-counting process from the beginning so everyone can observe. Bondi also said … other things. However, what those things might have been, no one will ever know. Because—honestly, just please listen to the tweet below. You won’t be sorry.
Meanwhile in Nevada, the Trump campaign promised a major announcement, one that included not just Grenell but professional Brooks Brothers Rioter Matt Schlapp. What was the big announcement?
They’re going to file a lawsuit claiming they have access, but they don’t have meaningful access. Added to this were a dozen or so repetitions from Grenell that Clark County was “counting illegal votes” or “not counting legal votes.” Take your pick. Following this, they brought on stage one woman who claimed her mail-in ballot went missing, and then a member of the Trump campaign who complained about not being able to get into a press area even though he was with the campaign “in a media capacity.” In other words, the major announcement was: We got nothing.
But if you’re going to listen to the tweet below, do yourself a favor and just speed to the end. That’s the part where one woman tries to start a “we want Trump” chant and carries on solo for multiple repetitions before giving up. Consider it the omen for the day.