One thing has become almost as certain as death and taxes over the past four decades—religious right pundits issuing hair-on-fire warnings about allowing those godless Democrats anywhere near the levers of power. But one such post from James Dobson feels particularly hypocritical—and not just because he had no qualms about carrying water for Trump. For the better part of four decades, Dobson has been telling battered spouses that divorce isn’t the answer—even when your spouse is a violent jerk.
Last week, Dobson wrung his hands about the prospect of Democrats flipping both of Georgia’s Senate seats in runoffs next month.
We are on the verge of ushering the latter platform of evil into power. To say I'm disheartened is an understatement. Will 'we the people' remain silent and allow our great country to be ideologically transformed or will we let our voices be heard in Georgia?
It’s easy to respond to this simply by saying, “You backed a guy who degrades women, mocks the disabled, spews racist dog whistles, and you complain about Democrats being evil?” But believe it or not, it’s far worse than that.
Back in 1983, Dobson penned a book called “Love Must Be Tough,” in which he offers advice to individuals and couples whose marriages are on the rocks. In it, Dobson offers his sage advice to “Laura,” a woman who has been married for 12 years to a two-faced abusive jerk, and who has kids. In public, he’s a respected lawyer and a prominent member of their church. But once or twice a month, he flies into violent fits of rage—and beats her into a pulp if she even opens her mouth. To pile obscenity on top of insult and injury, he then blames her for the abuse.
Most of us would know that such a situation screams in capital letters, “End it, and NOW!” Surely a trained psychologist like Dobson would know this too, right? Apparently not. He tells Laura—with a straight face—that “divorce is not the answer to this problem.” Rather, she should try to “change her husband’s behavior.” Specifically, she should take her husband’s most ridiculous demand and wad it back up at him. Supposedly, once he realizes he has a “severe problem,” they should start the process of reconciliation—a process that must include “competent Christian counseling.”
Dobson does suggest that Laura move out until her husband gives her “reason to believe that he is willing to change.” But it’s unconscionable to even suggest that you should stay in a marriage where the abuse has gone on this long. And when there are kids in the picture, it should be a no-brainer.
Now here’s where this goes from tone-deaf to evil. R. L. Stollar of Homeschoolers Anonymous noticed that Dobson’s advice to Laura remained unchanged in the 2007 edition of “Love Must Be Tough.” I did some digging of my own, and I discovered that this book has gone through FOUR editions. The second was in 1996, the fourth and most recent was in 2010. And it’s still available for sale in Dobson’s online library.
So you mean to tell me that after 37 years, Dobson hasn’t figured out that maybe, just maybe, this isn’t the best advice to give to domestic violence victims? That is way, way beyond any possible good-faith interpretation. Indeed, I’d call it flat-out evil. Indeed, this sort of claptrap is why churches are so far behind the game in dealing with domestic violence.
Moreover, this bilge was in the pipeline long before Trump even thought about getting into politics. So for Dobson to continue promoting this makes him flat-out evil in my book, even without him carrying water for Trump.
This hits a particularly raw nerve for me, since I’m a domestic violence survivor myself. You mean to tell me that as much as my ex screamed and cursed at me, I should have tried to change her behavior? Watch my response here.