With a nod to Jeff Foxworthy (And in no particular order)
You Might be a Republican if you believe:
- Lying is appropriate and normal
- Fear is the best political tool
- Loyalty is personal and not given to institutions or the Constitution
- It is reasonable to vote against the will of the vast majority of the people
- Apologizing when proven wrong is a sign of “weakness”
- Authoritarian leaders and dictators are “strong” and to be emulated
- TBI (traumatic brain injuries) in combat are just headaches
- Congress should be (is) subordinate to the Executive Branch
- The oath of office is to the Party not the Constitution
- Facts don’t matter - Inconvenient facts are to be ignored
- Use of “Alternate facts” is acceptable for senior leaders
- Condoning amorality is appropriate to achieve your policy goals
- You can undermine confidence in national institutions and govern effectively
- The first response to any criticism should be “but what about” (HRC, Biden, or anything but the issue at hand)
- No one really needs to be held accountable for anything
- Abandoning allies who have fought and died for you in combat is acceptable
- Russia did not interfere in the 2016 election
- Your leader is smarter than all experts on all topics and doesn’t need advice from anyone
- Vladimir Putin is your friend
- Tax breaks are best provided to the wealthy
- Corporations are people
- Corporations always function in the best interests of the public
- There is a “Deep State” that is insidiously acting against the Party
- Predatory capitalism is in the best interest of the country
- Immigrants are coming to steal your jobs
- There should never be any regulations of private firearms
- Some white supremacists are “very fine people”
- One can enter international summits with no preparation, wing it, and be successful
- Announcing major policy changes by tweets without informing those who must implement them is good management
- There is no need to consider the consequences of policy changes before announcing them
- Mexico is going to pay for a wall
- Undocumented children should be separated from their parents
- Those children should be kept in cold cages
- The Joint Chiefs are “dopes and babies”
- The Department of Defense doesn’t know how to fight and win
- America does not need allies (America Only)
- There is little or no benefit to the U.S. by having troops stationed abroad
- It is presidential to denigrate allied foreign leaders
- It is acceptable to renege on international commitments
- Tax cuts will increase revenue
- The USG budget was/will be balanced “fairly quickly”
- A U.S. President cannot commit a crime
- The press is the enemy of the people
- Information that comes from your sources like Fox News, Rush or Breitbart
- Venezuela is the best example of socialism available
- Public demeaning of subordinates is good management practice
- The NRA has public safety as a primary interest
- Many immigrants come from “shithole” countries
- Global climate change is Chinese hoax/not happening
- Legal requirements are an imposition and can be ignored arbitrarily
- Financial institutions will self-regulate in the public interest
- The environment does not need protection
- Clean water is not important
- Public lands should be sold off for profit
- Former lobbyist should be appointed to government positions overseeing critical issues such as energy, environment, or pharmaceuticals
- Trade wars are easy to win
- Constituents are happy to lose their farms to support international trade wars
- Lobbyists should draft laws and regulations for Congress
- The CDC budget should be cut (even more)
- American health care is simple and best fixed by taking it away without planning for replacement
- An immigration invasion is happening
- Health care is only for some people
- Immigrants (even undocumented ones) don’t pay taxes
- All poor people want to be on welfare
- Homelessness is a choice for most experiencing it
- You are not already paying for uninsured patients
- It is acceptable to make fun of disabled people
- School nutrition is not important
- Where one pees is of great importance
- Gender identity is clear-cut and variations a “choice”
- That personal relationships are to be regulated (and only normal ones allowed)
- Paying legitimate bills is not necessary (so sue me)
- Catsup is a vegetable
No, wait. If you believe of many those things, or support someone who does, you are a Republican
- Left off the sex issues (like “grab them by the … etc.”) as it is a universal power issue