Cheers and Jeers is a weekday primal scream from the state of Maine.
A Few Words From the February Birthday Table
"It was immigration that taught us it does not matter where you came from, or who your parents were. What counts is who you are."
—Congresswoman Barbara Jordan
“If the misery of our poor be caused not by the laws of nature, but by our institutions, great is our sin.”
—Charles Darwin
"One good thing about music, when it hits you, you feel no pain."
—Bob Marley
More below…
February Birthdays, continued...
“Stand for something or you will fall for anything. Today’s mighty oak is yesterday’s nut that held its ground.”
—Rosa Parks
"The legitimate object of government is to do for a community of people whatever they need to have done, but can not do at all, or can not so well do, for themselves, in their separate, and individual capacities."
—President Lincoln
“We may not have chosen the time, but the time has chosen us.”
—Congressman John Lewis (D-GA)
"To me, the most important part of winning is joy. You can win without joy, but winning that’s joyless is like eating in a four-star restaurant when you’re not hungry. Joy is a current of energy in your body, like chlorophyll or sunlight, that fills you up and makes you naturally want to do your best."
—Bill Russell
"Seize the moment. Remember all those women on the Titanic who waved off the dessert cart."
—Erma Bombeck
"Some know the value of education by having it. I know its value by not having it."
—Frederick Douglass
And the classic:
“You don’t need no gun control. You know what you need? We need some bullet control. That’s right. I think all bullets should cost five thousand dollars. Five thousand dollars per bullet. You know why? Cuz if a bullet costs five thousand dollars, there would be no more innocent bystanders.”
—Chris Rock
If you’re marking another year around the sun this month, happy birthday! And many blessings on your camels. And now, our feature presentation...
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Cheers and Jeers for Thursday, February 27, 2020
Note: Don’t forget that you can follow me on twitter at @BillinPortland. (I know that’s a really cryptic handle, but think of it this way: it’s like “Bill in Portland Maine” but shorter.) Even better, according to people who spend a few moments reading what I post over there: "You can un-follow him on twitter at @BillinPortland."
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By the Numbers:
Days 'til Super Tuesday: 5
Days 'til the Nosferatu Festival in Austin: 8
Percent of South Carolinians who say they plan to vote for Biden, Sanders, and Warren, respectively, in Saturday's primary, according to Public Policy Polling: 36%, 21%, 8%
Percent of U.S. adults who say they're worried there will be a widespread outbreak of the coronavirus here, according to Kaiser Family Foundation polling: 55%
Percent who are worried someone in their family will contract the virus: 43%
Age of former evil Egyptian president Hosni Mubarek when he finally kicked the bucket this week: 91
Estimated number of U.S. World War II veterans alive today out of a force of 16 million: 389,000
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Your Thursday Molly Ivins Moment:
It's an election year, yeah! Three long years we've been waiting, and now has come our shining hour. O happy days are here again. The skies above are clear again. Let the festivities commence. […]
On a rather larger issue, we find the media questioning whether any Democrat can compare with Bush on national security. Uh, has anyone looked at Bush's record on national security?
In case you hadn't noticed, he got us into what seems to be a hopeless situation in Iraq by lying to us. Our ports aren't protected. Our nuclear plants aren't protected. Our chemical plants aren't protected. And our first-responder drills indicate a gross confusion and lack of coordination. Also, Osama bin Laden has come out of his cave again.
—February 2004
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Puppy Pic of the Day: Time out…
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CHEERS to a little help from your friends. As South Carolina braces for Saturday's Cat-5 Democratic primary, Joe Biden is starting to get a little wind at his back. The latest polling shows him leading Fidel Sanders (Ha Ha I kid, I kid), he exceeded expectations at Tuesday night's debate, and yesterday he got a big endorsement from one of Congress's beloved elder statesmen:
Rep. James Clyburn, the godfather of South Carolina Democratic politics, swung his support to Joe Biden’s presidential campaign Wednesday, giving the former vice president a crucial seal of approval among black voters.
"I want the public to know that I'm voting for Joe Biden. South Carolina should be voting for Joe Biden.”
Clyburn, the highest ranking African American in Congress, has long been close with Biden and has been open about his affinity for the former vice president during the Democratic primary. […] Clyburn’s sentiment is widely shared by others in the Congressional Black Caucus, whose members have been more likely to endorse Biden—the loyal vice president to the nation’s first black president—than any other candidate in the race.
It's a pretty simple scenario: if Joe wins on Saturday, he carries some fresh momentum heading into Super Tuesday. If he falters, funeral services for Chris Matthews and James Carville will be held at noon Sunday in the field behind the Greenville Waffle House.
JEERS to microscopic Donald Trumps. I have had enough. You're going to sit there, coronavirus, and you're going to hear what I have to say:
I know coronaviruses gotta coronavirus. I know you're the proverbial scorpion on the frog's back crossing the river and you gotta sting it because it's "in your nature" and blah blah blah. I know you were just a nobody in Wuhan City and you vowed to break out of your dead-end town to pursue a career as a Broadway dancer. But now you've gone too far, coronavirus. You’ve turned to a life of crime, and the CDC is hot on your tail. We all know where this is headed: a shootout with loaded syringes that ends with you getting splattered with serum against the wall of a tar paper shack in Alabama. It doesn’t have to be this way, coronavirus. Turn yourself in. This isn’t going to end well. We humans are bigger and much more experienced parasites than you, and you will not win. Choose wisely. The microscopic ball with red florets all over it is in your court. —Humanity
CHEERS to processions with punch. Gotta give a shout-out to my homies (I assume over there they’re called “hausies”) in Dusseldorf, Germany, which was my playground as a kid for five years back in the 70s. Earlier this week they had their annual carnival-related Rose Monday parade, for which they create floats that lampoon and skewer politicians the world over. You can see some of ‘em here, but I’ll highlight one I love: Trump as Pennywise the Clown, holding a "Keep America Great" balloon, getting stared down by climate activist Greta Thunberg:
The White House quickly condemned the float, saying it was unnecessarily inflammatory to compare the 45th president to a killer clown. But not before killer clowns condemned the float, saying it was unnecessarily inflammatory to compare them to the 45th president.
JEERS to 132 months of fringe. And a one, and a two…
Crappy birthday to you [twitch twitch]
Crappy birthday to you [twitch twitch]
Crappy birthday, tea party
Crappy birthday to you [twitch twitch]
(Now bend over for your spanking.)
Yes, the Tea Party—now better known as the Trumpbot movement—has been treading on truth, common sense, and normal people for 11 years as of this week. Amazing. They don’t look a day over a two-year-old.
CHEERS to expanding the franchise. In the most important political news of the day that will have ramifications around the globe, ABC says it's planning to air a seniors-only version of The Bachelor:
One producer offered more details on Instagram, writing: "Are you entering your golden years and looking for romance? The producers of The Bachelor are looking for active and outgoing single men and women in their golden [sic] for a new exciting dating show."
Good for them. If they do the casting right, this could be equal parts touching, hilarious, and vicious as hell. One thing we know already is that the format will be a little bit different than the younger version. Instead of a rose, the bachelor will ask his potential mates: "Will you accept this Bingo dauber?"
CHEERS to green-lighting the gals. On February 27, 1922, the all-male U.S. Supreme Court unanimously upheld the 19th Amendment that gave women the vote. Shortly after, their wives released them from their chokeholds.
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Ten years ago in C&J: February 27, 2010
CHEERS to looking in the rear view mirror. As President Obama would say, "Let me be clear..."
The massive stimulus package passed last year to blunt the impact of the worst U.S. recession in 70 years created up to 2.1 million jobs in the last three months of 2009, the non-partisan Congressional Budget Office said Tuesday. The package boosted the economy by up to 3.5 percent and lowered the unemployment rate by up to 2.1 percent during that period, CBO said.
The CBO also said that the reason the stimulus didn't appear to have a larger impact is because the glorious Bush/Bankster/Bombs-for-Baghdad economy sucked even harder than anyone thought it would. Thank god we impeached Clinton for lying about a blowjob, huh.
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And just one more…
CHEERS to rhymin' Simon. Happy 213th birthday to poet Henry Wadsworth Longfellow, born February 27, 1807 in…oh, wow!...Portland, Maine! He liked to walk to Portland Head Light for inspiration, and people reckon that's where he wrote his famous poem, The Lighthouse:
The rocky ledge runs far into the sea,
and on its outer point, some miles away,
the lighthouse lifts its massive masonry,
A pillar of fire by night, of cloud by day.
Even at this distance I can see the tides,
Upheaving, break unheard along its base,
A speechless wrath, that rises and subsides
in the white tip and tremor of the face.
And as the evening darkens, lo! how bright,
through the deep purple of the twilight air,
Beams forth the sudden radiance of its light,
with strange, unearthly splendor in the glare!
Well, he ain't no Dr. Seuss or Sticks Nix Hick Pix. But not bad. Not bad.
Have a nice Thursday. Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering abouttoday?
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Today's Shameless C&J Testimonial
Bill in Portland Maine Wore the Perfect Pair of Princess Pumps to the Cheers and Jeers kiddie pool—with a Matching Clutch!
—People
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