(Sung to: Shakira, “Hips Don’t Lie”)
Democrats are here tonight
(No fighting, no fighting)
We got the caucuses up in here tonight
(no fighting, no fighting)
(Ground Zero, Ground Zero)
I never really knew that we could vote like this
And my computer skills are hit-or-miss
Be gentle on my mental
Is this tablet just ornamental?
(Unclearer, unclearer)
Ooh, we've got a new system up
There's no way this can go wrong
So be wise, and keep on
Counting the Iowa Caucus
It's on tonight!
You know, our apps don't lie
And we're going to get this right
Vote collection, in each section
Set the tone for the whole damn election
Hey, guys--I can't make this app do nothing
And it's driving me crazy
And I don't have the slightest idea
How to make it do something
And when I follow the directions
It tells me there's no connection
And wants me to reboot again
And this is all so unexpected
The way they right it and left it
Should I just keep on shaking it?
I really don't know how to work a thing like this
It might as well be written in Spanish
Como diablo, Como carajo
Como funciona esto?
(Coherence, coherence!)
Ooh there's no need to talk like that
It's just the system is new
So be wise, and keep on
Counting the Iowa Caucus
We're on tonight
You know our apps don't lie
I'm not sure why it isn't right
The connection, rejection!
No--swipe in the other direction
Please, work for us
You know our apps don't lie
And the whole world is watching us
I'm depressed, this hot mess
Run by old men with an AOL address
(Coherence, coherence)
OK, this thing isn't even counting
We'll have to use the phones
I don't, I don't really know what I'm doing
But we can't stay with the plan
My Shadow application
Has come to fail now, to fail now
See, I am doing what I can
But I can't, so you know
That's a bit too hard to explain
(The apps are not counting, oh no)
(The apps are not counting)
(The apps are not counting, oh no)
(The apps are not counting)
I never really trained to get the hang of this
I didn't know this program exists
This rental, accidental-
-ly won't transmit to Election Central
(I'm weary, I'm weary)
Ooh baby now the phones are down
And now they have me stuck on hold
Be patient, and keep on
Counting the Iowa Caucus
Keep your head on
Try to be cool
Let us count the vote like we came here from pre-school!
They say our call is important
Continue to hold!
(They say our call is important)
(Continue to hold!)
Don't pick on me, I'm 70
A stranger to technology
Why did you bring that thingee
To a third world caucus?
I go back to when PACs
Counted votes for Mike Dukakis
We made the whole room raucus
The DNC didn't do this
Why, heavens to Betsy!
I'm not guilty
My day job's knitting things for Etsy
Nope-nope, no hope counting votes
let's just totes grab out coats, you old goats
And eat steel cut oats.
We're down tonight
I thought our apps don't lie
But I'm starting to think again
There's objections, dejection
Sort it out by the general election
It's off tonight
You know our apps won't fly
And now nothing is going right
It's not pretty, a pity
We got trouble here in River City
(No fighting, no fighting)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DUT5rEU6pqM