Late Night Snark: Still at Home Edition
"I am practicing every safe directive they say I should. I make sure to use a disinfectant on every surface that has at least 60 percent alcohol in it like Judge Jeanine Pirro."
—Bill Maher
"Nothing gives away the game about how badly Trump has handled this like telling us now that we have to ‘forget about it’ when it's over. During World War II, Winston Churchill wasn't thinking, 'I never want to hear about this again.' He was chompin' on a cigar thinking, 'When this is over, there are gonna be a million books about how hard I crushed this shit."
—Seth Meyers
Continued...
"Bernie Sanders has officially announced that he's ending his campaign. Even though Bernie lost two presidential races, you can't argue that he's had an impact on America. He's pushed Medicare-for-all into the mainstream. He shined a light on income inequality and how corporations have used money to rig the system in their favor. And he showed us all that it's okay to use our outdoor voice indoors."
—Trevor Noah
"[Trump] loves the chart that shows the number of coronavirus tests we've done so far. It goes all the way up to two million, which seems like a lot until you consider there are 330 million Americans. But don’t ask him about it—everything is "perfect" and "great." At this point it's like the captain of the Titanic ordering the band to play louder to drown out the screams."
—Jimmy Kimmel
"My god, Jared Kushner is now kind of in charge of our response. I have no idea why. Maybe the virus isn’t as effective against prep school vampires?"
—Samantha Bee
John Oliver: Jared Kushner, a man who looks less like someone who could handle a global pandemic and more like an ultra-right Pinocchio, suggested that states should not count on a federal stockpile of medical supplies.
Clip of Kushner at press briefing: The federal stockpile is supposed to be our stockpile, it's not supposed to be the states' stockpile that they then use.
John Oliver: It's a national stockpile that's used by the United States, you f*cking moron. And here's the interesting thing about the United States: it's almost entirely made of states! … I know Jared Kushner must have a stockpile of empathy in there somewhere. But it appears that that's his empathy, and he's not allowed to extend it to anyone else.
—Last Week Tonight
"Despite the fact that every other state has postponed its primary this month, or moved to mail-in ballots, at the insistence of the Wisconsin Republican-led legislature the Badger State went ahead with their primary. I guess it's Wisconsin's way of showing New Hampshire that you can live free and die."
—Stephen Colbert
And now, our feature presentation...
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Cheers and Jeers for Friday, April 10, 2020
Note: April 10 is a joyous day in Daily Kos Land. Yes, today is the annual rite of spring known as Jotter Appreciation Day. Day in and day out, I rely on his High Impact Post diaries as a research tool, because there's no more succinct way to get a feel for what was at the top of the Great Orange Satan's radar on any given day. With scientific precision, he tabulates the overall popularity (“impact”) of each day’s diaries and front-page posts, and has for years. So go visit today’s High Impact Posts post and give him a hearty tip, rec, and comment. Otherwise—as if it needs to be said—the terrorists win.
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By the Numbers:
Days 'til Arbor Day: 14
Percent of Americans, including 65% of Republicans, whose preferred voting method is vote-by-mail, according to a Reuters-Ipsos poll: 72%
Rank of Rep. Brad Sherman (D-CA) among the first congress members to preside over the House wearing a face mask during the coronavirus crisis: #1
Number of counties across 33 states that have a larger population than the entire state of Wyoming: 116
Percent of Fox News viewers and all U.S. adults, respectively, who believe Trump is doing an “excellent” job with the pandemic, according to Pew Research: 63%, 23%
Percent of renters who were late on their rent this month, according to CBS News: 33%
Pounds of ice cream the average American eats every year: 13
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Puppy Pic of the Day: Weekend plans…
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CHEERS to well-targeted jeers. Kos is right. The 2020 presidential election is going to be decided by half a dozen states, so—and this is nothing new—national polls aren't much use except as a general barometer. That being said, the latest national polls appear to be telling us that the current president's barometer is dropping as he wilts under pressure from the national emergency he has no idea how to deal with. Politico crunches the latest numbers, and…
Donald Trump isn’t benefiting from what political scientists refer to as a “rally ‘round the flag” effect—a traditional surge in popularity as the nation unites behind its leader during an emergency situation.
Even as the country confronts the greatest disruption to daily life since World War II, a series of new polls released this week show Trump’s approval ratings plateauing in the mid-40s, roughly where his approval rating stood a month ago, before the coronavirus shuttered much of the nation’s economic and social activity.
[H]is failure to unite the country behind his leadership also reflects Americans’ judgment of his handling of the outbreak thus far: In poll after poll this week, increasing percentages say they think Trump is doing a bad job, and his administration hasn’t done enough to protect citizens from the effects of Covid-19. … Trump’s low approval ratings early in a crisis defy historical precedent.
Gosh. It's almost like a president can't ignore constant hair-on-fire warnings from his own staff for months, make overly-rosy predictions then beat hasty retreats, botch testing, promote potentially-fatal remedies without evidence, hold political rallies disguised as “press briefings,” secretly funnel emergency supplies to mysterious private entities, outbid states for masks and ventilators, totally fuck up financial relief for shuttered businesses and unemployed workers, and then blame everyone but himself without everyone getting all pissy about it. Stupid deep state.
CHEERS to home state heroes…in spaaaaaaace! Neener, neener. The great state of Maine is enjoying some well-deserved bragging rights this week after a giant rubber band launched a Soyuz rocket containing astronaut Chris Cassidy off this batshit planet and up to the peaceful environs of the International Space Station. It's his third trip, the lucky bastard:
But even more cool: Cassidy, from the bottom of Maine (York) joins astronaut Jessica Meir from the top (Caribou), and the two Pine Tree Staters will spend a week together up yonder. That should be just enough time to tie up the Russians, finish building their secret laser, point it at the White House, and then demand masks, ventilators, tests for all the states, and one meeelion dollars (tax-free) for every man and woman in America making less than $100,000 a year, but not before informing Mike Pence that all the flux capacitors on the Space Force battle cruisers have been disabled. Thus answering the question: Jiminey Christmas, do we Mainers have to do everything around here?
JEERS to cerebral hemorrhages. They suck. President Franklin Roosevelt died from one 75 years ago Sunday down in Warm Springs, Georgia. His private Secretary Grace Tully recounts what happened here. A snip:
The shock was unexpected and the actuality of the event was outside belief.
Without a word or a glance toward the others present, I walked into the bedroom, leaned over and kissed the President lightly on the forehead. Then I walked out on the porch and stood wordless and tearless. In my heart were prayers and, finally, in my mind came thoughts, a flood of them drawn from seventeen years of acquaintance, close association and reverent admiration. Through them, one recurred constantly—that the Boss had always shunned emotionalism and that I must, for the immediate present at least, behave in his pattern.
I did, for a matter of hours.
While FDR's generation got a rendezvous with destiny, ours got a rendezvous with a fuckup named Dubya and, eight years later, another fuckup named Dampnut, and we'll be paying for it the rest of our lives—thanks a lot, fate. Now comb your hair and go pay your respects. As always, regards to Eleanor.
CHEERS to holiday fevuh! 2020 years ago today (or thereabouts), a bunch of Roman thugs nailed a rabbi to a cross while the filthy rabble with six teeth among them and a combined IQ of 12 watched Jesus Christ suffer and moan and dehydrate and bleed to death in the baking sun. I'll never understand why Christians call it “Good Friday.” Sounds more like Monday to me.
Passover is also underway. For Jewish people it's a celebration of the exodus of the Israelites from Egypt. For conservatives, it's a celebration of what modern-day Republicans do to competent people.
Then, two days from today is Easter Sunday, which is notable for two things: the day the aforementioned Christ the Savior rose from the dead, and the day Lenny the tomb attendant checked into rehab.
No matter how you commemorate your April holidays, C&J reminds you of the prime directive: please gorge on Easter candy 'til you explode responsibly.
CHEERS to landmark legislation. One week after the assassination of Dr. Martin Luther King Jr., President Johnson signed a companion bill into law 52 years ago tomorrow called the Civil Rights Act of 1968, aka the Fair Housing Act. The following housing issues became no-no's:
1) Refusal to sell or rent a dwelling to any person because of his race, color, religion or national origin.
2) Discrimination against a person in the terms, conditions or privilege of the sale or rental of a dwelling.
3) Advertising the sale or rental of a dwelling indicating preference of discrimination based on race, color, religion or national origin.
The law was expanded in 1988 to include disability and family status, and again in 1993 to prohibit the throwing of lawn darts at the Re/Max blimp.
JEERS to non-refundable tickets. On April 10, 1912, the unsinkable RMS Titanic set off for New York from Southampton, England. That cruise, of course, turned out to be a disaster. The caviar was much too salty.
CHEERS to home vegetation. With the exception of sports, things are kinda sorta getting back on a wobbly track, TV-wise.
After MSNBC dynamic duo Chris Hayes and Rachel Maddow do their thing, Bill Maher is back and producing his show Real Time (10pm, HBO) from his house—tonight's virtual lineup includes Al Gore, NYC Mayor Bill de Blasio, Risk management guy Ian Bremmer, and comedian Nikki Glaser. New home video releases include the latest versions of Little Women and Dr. Dolittle, and I'm so desperate for warped amusement that I may just twist up a blunt and locate the "butthole cut" of Cats for viewing from atop Fantom's three-story pootie perch. And here's another welcome sign: SNL returns tomorrow night, not live and with the cast appearing remotely. Sunday at 7, NBC airs Jesus Christ Superstar Live in Concert which, best as I can tell, is both live and in concert. On 60 Minutes: another report on the COVID-19 pandemic in New York City, and rebuilding a church that was destroyed on 9/11. Finally, John Oliver wraps up the weekend with another home edition of Last Week Tonight (11pm, HBO).
Now here's your Sunday morning lineup:
Meet the Press: A special on “Flattening the Curve” that Sir Chuck of Todd says will focus on “testing, testing, testing.” Guests include FDA commissioner Steve Hahn and a special envoy to the World Health Organization.
Face the Nation: Neel Kashkari of some Federal Reserve bank; Cardinal Timothy Dolan; former FDA commissioner Scott Gottlieb.
This Week: TBA
CNN's State of the Union: Dr. Anthony Fauci; Gov. Asa Hutchinson (R-AR).
Fox GOP Talking Points Sunday: Dallas Mavericks owner and Shark Tank guy Mark Cuban; D.C. Mayor Muriel Bowser
Happy viewing!
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Ten years ago in C&J: April 10, 2010
CHEERS to a Justice who does justice to justice. The mantra among us liberals during the Bush years was, "Hang on Stevens, hang on!" The dependably common-sensical Supreme Court Justice—appointed by a crazy, out-of-control Gerald Ford in 1975, according to Texas social studies textbooks—was a bulwark against the nefarious aims of the hard-right powermongers circa 2001-2009. And now that we have a slightly less apocalypse-minded POTUS at the helm, Stevens says he's retiring this summer. It'll give President Obama a golden opportunity to appoint a solid justice in the Stevens mold before President Palin takes over. But I think the real news to me about Stevens is this:
[H]e continues to play tennis.
Holy gavel wax! If I can even remember what tennis is when I'm 90 I'll consider it a Herculean victory. Rafael Nadal...watch yer back.
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And just one more…
CHEERS to Kodak moments. If Ronald Reagan's or Donald Trump’s presidential photographer had ever gotten a shot like this, it would be framed and hanging on every Republican's living room wall as a totally-real example of their divine awesomeness. Instead, a different president's photographer (the great Pete Souza) snapped it five years ago this week, and Republicans lost their collective shit. In the hopes that it might make them chew through a few more inches of sheet metal in their survival bunkers, here’s a replay for nostalgia’s sake:
And, by contrast, here’s his successor:
I know exactly where Air Force One is gonna go when he finally leaves office: therapy.
Have a great weekend. Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?
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