Sometimes I post poems and general blather here with updates on my health. I never thought I would have anything to say that would be so in tune with world events.
I have end-stage renal disease and I am waiting for a kidney transplant. In the meantime I am on home dialysis. I’ve had a catheter inserted in my abdomen that I can hook up to a dialysis machine in my bedroom for a nightly rinse of my innards. The proper term is Peritoneal Dialysis. (“PD”) It allows me to keep working full-time and feeling good enough to function.
My employers have been very patient about all this, allowing me some short term disability to cover the time I spent healing up from getting the catheter put in. Luck is a relative thing and I will take what I can get.
Several wonderful friends and family members have put their names in to donate a kidney on my behalf. If none of them are a match, there is a program for a “paired kidney transplant” wherein my donor is swapped with somebody else’s and everybody gets a match. My donors are just beginning work-ups and so I work and wait.
Then Covid-19 blew in like a whiff of eau de outhouse and everything is much more complicated.
A month ago, I was at work when my boss called me into her office, where her boss and his boss were waiting to have a chat with me. Needless to say, I felt a little uneasy. I was informed that they were sending me home until further notice. My uncertain health makes me a high risk. They wanted some direction/advice from my Doctors. I drove home, still employed but feeling uneasy.
I had appointment the next day with my Primary physician. I have been struggling with high blood pressure. My lousy kidney function causes fluid to build up in my lungs and leaves me with a chronic cough and occasional shortness of breath. One of my latest coughing jags left me with a bloodshot eye. None of this is particularly serious, but try telling that to Mrs. ruleoflaw. Doctor Primary saw me and ordered a chest x-ray and a swab for influenza. Given my wheezy breathe, he added a Covid-19 test off the same swab. No problem, no fuss, right? Oh boy.
Everyone who heard the words “Corona virus test” got a panicky look in their eyes. The next day, while waiting for the test results to come back, I had an appointment at the Kidney Clinic. The doctor and my PD Nurse stood out in the hallway. I called them back next day to say that the Covid-19 test came back negative. Negative or not, Mrs ruleoflaw put my ass on quarantine. I chafed a bit at first but as usual she was right. About a week later Governor Evers announced the statewide shutdown.
On top of all of this, Mrs ruleoflaw’s employer has been downsizing. In the last 18 months they have gone from around 200 employees down to 17. On the same day my employer furloughed me, Her corporate overlords announced that they are in negotiations to sell the company.
Mrs. ruleoflaw busts her ass at work, then comes home and busts her ass to take care of me. I have health insurance now, but I’m not assuming anything. She will probably be unemployed by midsummer. My own health problems are bad enough. Watching how all this is weighing her down makes it all so much worse. In our relationship, there has always been a Yin-Yang wherein she is the pessimist and I am the optimist. My optimism is just whistling in the dark at times. It’s been getting darker. Looking into the eyes of my best friend, lover and life partner and seeing tears doesn’t give me hope.
We have my modest pension. We have health insurance for now. We have some money in the bank and our mortgage is paid up and we love each other. I tell Mrs. ruleoflaw these things, and she admits, yes, that we are luckier than most.
We Had a little Easter party with our kids and grandkids on Zoom. There is joy to be had if we reach out for it. My children and their spouses are all more or less in agreement politically. We cling to each other.
I have to remain hopeful for for my transplant. We have a camper sitting in the garage, just waiting for the day when my health will allow us to travel again. We recognize the hope that flows in and around us. Lucky Angus MacPup wags his tail at all the right times. It’s going to be okay.
Be at peace, fellow Kossacks. Stay safe, stay healthy, stay home.