Anyone who’s ready my diaries in the past knows I’m a proud Canadian, and former member of the Canadian Forces. Racism is something we like to think is passe in Canada, but only recently have I been reminded that I’ve been the beneficiary of white privilege more often than not—and it’s become a shock to have it taken away.
I like to think of my ethnic background as being quintessentially Canadian: my mother is a first generation immigrant from Sri Lanka and my father a descendant of some of the country’s original Scottish settlers. I grew up in a VERY rural part of the country, and as such—being noticeably coloured thanks to my mother’s heritage—faced racism at school. Everything from your typical bullying, name calling (“He’s darker than I am so he must be a n*gger”) to girls not wanting to be seen dating me because I was one of only 3 POC people in the community.
After high-school I joined the Canadian Forces as a reservist while going to University in my province’s biggest city. Eventually I moved to ‘The Big City’ and for the last 25 years have become comfortable in my little bubble where I’m treated as white because compared to the POC in my city my skin colour is only ‘tan’. I always though that the racism experienced was because of the rural location I was raised in. I bought into the reality of being ‘white’, to the extent that when my daughter (herself ¾ white) was bullied by Sri Lanka immigrant kids because she was “Too white to have a grandmother from Sri Lanka.” I was more angry that they would bully her than to realize they likely felt she was somehow trying to misappropriate their own experiences having come from Sri Lanka.
But in the last year I’ve become to realize that not everyone where I work is treating me like I’m ‘white’—I’ve felt that privilege stripped away piece by piece by an exec in my company (thankfully I don’t report to him) and several others who make up a sort of clique around this guy. It’s not anything really overt, but in group conversations these guys never listen to me, talk over me and throw shade on my ideas/insights despite my having twice the experience in my field they do. This exec will always ask my coworkers how his day is going or “How’s everybody doing?” but never direct it to me. The real clincher is none of these passive-aggressive guys will look me in the eye when speaking to me—they always look over my head (and I’m fairly tall).
Recently my department hired two additional POC—a latina and a gentleman from SEA. I now see them being treated to this passive-aggressive bullshit too. I thought that with me that maybe it was always because I’m not a really social person, and I can be pretty direct and confrontational at times. Now I see the same behavior towards two individuals who have never had the same privilege I had in my life, and I suddenly feel, maybe not ashamed, but certainly (as my daughter would say) ‘woke’ to the daily undercurrent of racism I get from this group of people.
So now, having recognized all of this—what to do?
First, use my privilege to be more vocal in sidelining the racists and their tactics. Nothing they've done is truly document-able to take to HR—mainly they’re simply assholes in meetings and most of that doesn't even reach the level of workplace bullying. But I can make sure that discussions around people’s capabilities not allow the hidden racist complaint of “ESL problems” with my colleagues, and become more aggressive in delivering my ideas and POV, as well as trumpeting my colleagues when they are ignored. And making it clear I have no hesitation to take workplace bullying to HR the moment it crosses that bright line we have in our corporate policies. Fuck being that guy who “goes along to get along” when someone crosses that line, or tells an offensive joke etc.
Maybe that way I can make up for the years of privilege I accepted when I was considered ‘white’ enough.
(I do want to say that in retrospect, and in the context of the continued protests south of the border, the purpose of this diary isn’t “Look at me, I’m being discriminated against too!”, but perhaps a call to others like me who’ve benefited from being ‘white enough’ to be privileged to recognize and support other POC in their struggles. Feel the burn of the racist who brands you by skin colour alone and know it’s only a small amount compared to what our Black, Indigenous, Asian, Middle Eastern etc. brothers and sisters live with every day—even in a supposedly just society.)