Donald Trump doesn't see the value in doing too much coronavirus testing these days. "In a way, by doing all this testing we make ourselves look bad,” Trump said Wednesday. Besides, what's the point? The reopening is happening and a spike in deaths because of it "could very well be the case," as Trump put it. He's accepted death as a consequence of an economic reboot and so should America.
Except for when it comes to his personal health. Then exactly everyone who comes into contact with him simply must be tested. Asked Tuesday if he had any concerns about the health risks of traveling with an entourage of people to tour a Honeywell plant in Arizona, Trump laid out the mandatory testing regimen in exquisite detail.
“Everybody traveling has been tested,” he said. “We have great testing. And literally, they’ve been tested over the last hour. And the test result comes back in five minutes, and we have great testing. Or they wouldn’t be allowed to travel with me.”
Or they wouldn't be allowed to travel with me. Why? Because that would be too dangerous, naturally.
But the rest of America, they're "warriors" who don't need to be tested in Trump's estimation. Well, actually, he included himself in the warrior bit. “We have to be warriors,” Trump explained, for the sake of getting America back to work. “We can’t keep our country closed down for years.” (Actually, countries doing adequate testing and tracing are proving capable of reopening their economies and societies without risking a massive spike in deaths.)
In fact, the latest White House press secretary, Kayleigh McEnany, kindly explained Wednesday that the need for increased testing among most Americans heading back to work was a "myth," even though absolutely everyone around Trump must be tested for the sake of safety.
"Why shouldn’t all Americans who go back to work be able to get a test before they do to feel comfortable in their own work environment to be interacting with other individuals?," a reporter asked at Wednesday's White House press briefing (they’re sporadically back on the books for now).
"Yeah, well, let’s dismiss a myth about tests right now," McEnany responded. "If we tested every single American in this country at this moment, we’d have to retest them an hour later, and then an hour later after that. Because at any moment, you could theoretically contract this virus. So the notion that everyone needs to be tested is just simply nonsensical."
Oh, so testing is futile.
"The people who need to be tested are vulnerable populations," she continued.
Oh, so it's not futile.
"That’s why Dr. Birx has repeatedly emphasized we need to surge nursing homes with the testing, meat-processing facilities," McEnany explained. "That’s where the testing is needed. We have to be strategic with our testing and we have done that so far."
Oh, so nursing homes, meatpacking plants, and Trump's coterie (technically, absolutely everyone interacting with Mike Pence must also get tested).
Perfect. America's approach to safety in nursing homes and meatpacking plants has now been declared "strategic." In one instance, the coronavirus has raged through the country’s nursing homes, infecting both residents and health workers at an alarming rate and leaving a trail of bodies in its wake. In the other instance, Trump has invoked the Defense Production Act (DPA) to force meatpacking plants to remain open once enough testing was done to detect serious safety issues for their workers.
In summation: Don't worry America, testing isn't necessary, except where it is necessary. And when real problems arise, Trump—operating out of the safest of safe cocoons—will use the DPA to force you back to work anyway. Because you're warriors ... er, um … or sacrificial lambs. Or whatever. But death is all a part of Trump’s master plan, anyway. So who needs tests? The numbers will just go up. We’ll know plenty when people drop dead. Again, it’s all in the plan. Trump’s got this.