I am sad today. It’s been a rough year so far. My father passed away over two months ago now — I am 99.9% sure that it was of the Corona Virus, but I have no proof. The hospital held on tight to his medical records (I was never allowed inside the hospital to be with him) until he’d been cremated. But his symptoms were “by the book” based on everything I’ve been reading about it. (And of course our COVID-deceased numbers are way under counted. But that is another blog.)
But as I mourn, life goes on. I am holding off on scheduling a memorial until we (my siblings and me) can safely have one in person. This might be a while. In the meantime, I’ve talked with several friends of his after - in some cases - years of disconnection.
One such re-connection has dead-ended in shock and sorrow as it became clear that this old family friend has descended into MAGA-madness. And perhaps it’s nothing new in these strange years, but it has me hoping with renewed intensity that the civil unrest will include all of us as a united front. These guys are fascist to the core; and the Trump agenda must be halted.
This guy — let’s call him Dave — looked up to my dad as his own father figure. Kicked out of the house when he was a teenager, my dad took him in as an employee and let him live in the basement until he had his own place a few months later. I was roughly three years old, and he latched on to me as a little sister.
Over the years, he remained a friend as he aged, married, and had his own kids (note: daughters). As a teenager, I would stay with him and his own family, as he lived a couple of hours from our home, for the weekend. He raised horses and we’d ride for hours in the country side. During these times, we talked politics and current events. He was a rural conservative. Very into the NRA, but I’d call him a centrist. Our discussions were always civil.
There were things we agreed on (I was born, and will always be, liberal to the core.) One conversation in particular recollection was his work with his local police department as a volunteer sheriff’s deputy. He had gone through police training to do this; and he was shocked at ways they blatantly taught recruits to violate civil rights. For example, they told them to always present a question as a command: “Will you open your trunk for me please.” (Imagine this is a scary police command voice.)
Poor Dave, however, battled alcoholism and it got much worse as he grew older. This resulted in several failed marriages. One late night remorseful call in particular, after many, while I was still in my 20’s had me finally ready to take a break. His calls were angry, tear-filled and toxic. I stopped answering the phone until they finally ended. I didn’t talk to him for years until my father’s passing this year.
I dreaded reaching out to him again as I worried this would reignite the rambling inebriation. But I had an obligation as he really and truly loved my parents.
And, yes, turns out that he was still drinking much to my fervent wishing otherwise. But what I wasn’t prepared for, was his level of hate for everyone. This became apparent after my misguided decision to accept his friend request on Facebook.
I will spare you the disturbing details but it became clear quite quickly that feminists were enemy number one. He also held shocking beliefs concerning police and prison reform (our FB connection happened just as protests were beginning). All trace of moderation was gone. He spouted racist views ad nauseum.
I asked him to stop commenting on my posts and he de-friended me (good riddance). Then he texted me several days later wanting to be friends “in spite of our political differences.” I told him that we didn’t have political differences, we had moral ones. This resulted in a misogynistic screed the likes I’d rarely heard directed at me in my life from anyone, ending with something like “men will always rule the world” and that I should “stay in the kitchen.” (Besides being ugly, it was so antiquated — the kitchen, really?)
But this brings me to my point: this is the level of animosity that is now “mainstream” thinking in the houses of MAGA cult followers. Even friends that were once considered family will not hesitate to spew vitriol if they are crossed. Dave has several semi-automatic weapons. I am very worried, after receiving these very personal and brutal attacks, about what he might do with these firearms come November if his fuehrer doesn’t win.
And with our country erupting in long-overdue protest after centuries of oppression we must become more united even than we already have in these few short weeks. As a white ally I must never presume knowledge of the level of oppression African Americans have endured in our country.
I have known outright sexism, though, in the workplace; and misogyny throughout my life. I have been denied advancement because of my gender — I am sure of it. I have been MeToo’ed. And as I once said to a male African-American friend and mentor of mine several years ago “I’m a woman. Why would I ever support the GOP?”
I don’t understand other women in this world that don’t agree with my mindset. To all the Karen’s out there: why do you support this system of oppression? Have you never experienced discrimination based on only the fact that you are a female? What is wrong with you, Karen? The disconnect is a Grand Canyon-sized chasm.
I am sad today as I ponder over the ashes of this past relationship in context of our extraordinary times. But I am hopeful that we are finally seeing the oppressor fail in keeping us divided. The centuries of the poor white man fighting for the plantation owners may finally be coming to an end. At least there are now more of us fighting for freedom than there are of them.
Black and white brothers remember your black and white sisters too. For we are all in their MAGA-sights and they are gunning for us. Shame the Karen’s, but don’t see me as one. I am on your side.
"Reproductive freedom is critical to a whole range of issues. If we can't take charge of this most personal aspect of our lives, we can't take care of anything. It should not be seen as a privilege or as a benefit, but a fundamental human right." — Faye Wattleton
“Hate, it has caused a lot of problems in the world, but has not solved one yet.” ~Maya Angelou