Experts in psychological viruses are reporting a slight tick downward in Trump Moronavirus cases. The source of the virus, which appeared suddenly four years ago, has been traced to one Donald J. Trump, whose name has been affixed to the disease. Scientists state that “Patient Zero” should have been quarantined at the outset, but unfortunately was left unrestrained to spread the disease to tens of millions in the U.S. via large gatherings and social media. A small percentage are now showing signs of recovery, as their ability to perceive reality in relation to the source returns. The primary symptoms of the disease are a fanatical devotion to Patient Zero and an inability to distinguish fact from fantasy in his ramblings. Secondary features of the affliction are the refusal to wear masks and an affinity for red baseball caps. Scientists have been unable to determine the reason why some seem to be immune to the virus while others are extremely susceptible. One theory was that those living in small rural towns lacked something in their make-up which those in large cities possessed. But an outbreak of Moronavirus in several large cities laid that theory to rest.
Health care providers have likened the Trump Moronavirus to an addiction and several are evaluating the possibility of opening Moronavirus re-hab facilities. One barrier to treatment, however, is the refusal by those infected to admit that they have a problem. In fact, many appear to revel in the disease, oppose any help and actively try to spread it to others. For the few who do recover, there are lasting side effects—most notably a crushing sense of guilt and remorse for having succumbed to so base a disease.
Dr. Anthony Ouchi, professor of psycho-virology at U.C.S. (University of Common Sense) states that things will get much worse before they get better. There is no vaccine, save for education, and this takes years to establish herd immunity. Treatment options are few. Even those plugging their ears can still be infected via social media disinformation. Social media distancing is strongly recommended, as is avoiding all right-wing media sources. A cure may be decades away or may not exist at all. “Our only hope is that more and more people spontaneously recover and are restored to rationality, critical thinking ability and accurate perception of reality in regard to Patient Zero,” the doctor said.