Recently I tried to talk sense to a friend who is a die-hard Trump supporter living in the battleground state of Florida. In our conversation, I hit on something that might be of use to others.
First some background. I’m a veteran journalist who has interviewed lots of famous people, and yet I’m fairly introverted, not much for conflict and possessed of, as Morrissey from The Smiths would say, a shyness that is criminally vulgar. It always takes me stepping outside my comfort zone. So going head to head with a fervent Trump supporter, even if he was an old friend, took a lot.
Terror of the impending end of democracy proved enough to do the trick.
It started online with courteous salutations, but that didn’t last long. There was plenty to bring up, and there isn’t a reader of DKOS who couldn’t recite at least twenty horrible things Trump and his minions have done, like tearing down democracy, killing us with Covid, using Barr to wreck the Rule of Law, corruption, global warming, and so on. Knowing also that he was an ex-Marine, I ended by pointing out how Trump thought of him as a loser and a sucker. When I was done, he sent back a salvo. The spigot of hate came on full blast and man it was harsh. He proceeded to gaslight me with really smug right wing dictum, saying that I was seriously misinformed, and that down there in Florida everyone hated Biden, and that he would never vote for him or any democrat, finishing up with a kick to the heart: “And it’s all because Hillary lost!” I tried to explain to him how important this was, and how much it meant to, not just me, but the world he, his children and grandchildren would live in. He was unequivocal in his cult-like defense of the psycho running our country. I couldn’t help getting angry, which is another reason I’m not good at this stuff. I wrote: “I’m done with you” and signed off.
That probably should have been it, but he wrote back almost immediately with the question, “As friends?” I had a bunch of stuff to do, so I let it sit for a while. Then I wrote him back later, taking one more shot at it. I told him I wasn’t asking him to vote for Biden, but stressed that the most important thing in the world was that he not vote for Trump. I also challenged him to provide evidence to back up his claim that Trump hadn’t done any of the things I’d told him, because I had plenty to prove my point.
He replied: “No. Now answer my question.”
I kept asking, but his only concern was whether I was saying we were done as friends. I told him our friendship was not on the line. Then he broke down and said that I had once helped him through a really difficult part of his life. Finally, he admitted that he had gotten off the political train and really wasn’t all that interested in getting involved. At that point we talked about some personal stuff and signed off. The feeling I got was that if I’d followed my anger and said we were through, then he would have made a point of voting for Trump and making sure I knew it. Now at least there was a chance he would sit it out.
So what I learned is that sometimes staunch, stubborn Trump supporters can be reasoned with, if you find out what they really care about under the surface. And that, although it goes against the “everybody should vote” message, maybe a compromise can reached by getting them to at least agree to withhold their Trump vote if they can’t bring themselves to give it to Biden.
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