Here’s an interesting article by Atlantic writer Amanda Mull on the loss of so-called “weak ties” during the COVID pandemic.
American culture does not have many words to describe different levels or types of friendship, but for our purposes, sociology does provide a useful concept: weak ties. The term was coined in 1973 by the Stanford sociologist Mark Granovetter, and it comprises acquaintances, people you see infrequently, and near strangers with whom you share some familiarity. They’re the people on the periphery of your life—the guy who’s always at the gym at the same time as you, the barista who starts making your usual order while you’re still at the back of the line, the co-worker from another department with whom you make small talk on the elevator. They’re also people you might have never directly met, but you share something important in common—you go to the same concerts, or live in the same neighborhood and frequent the same local businesses. You might not consider all of your weak ties friends, at least in the common use of the word, but they’re often people with whom you’re friendly. Most people are familiar with the idea of an inner circle; Granovetter posited that we also have an outer circle, vital to our social health in its own ways.
During the past year, it’s often felt like the pandemic has come for all but the closest of my close ties. There are people on the outer periphery of my life for whom the concept of “keeping up” makes little sense, but there are also lots of friends and acquaintances—people I could theoretically hang out with outdoors or see on videochat, but with whom those tools just don’t feel right. In my life, this perception seems to be largely mutual—I am not turning down invites from these folks for Zoom catch-ups and walks in the park. Instead, our affection for each other is in a period of suspended animation, alongside indoor dining and international travel. Sometimes we respond to each other’s Instagram Stories.
This might be TMI but...oh, what the hell: the first person that I thought of reading this article is someone that I used to have sex with semi-regularly (yes, a fu*k buddy!); a guy that I never went out and did much of anything but sex. Truth be told, he texted me two or three times last summer and I just refused to meet him: didn’t he understand that we were in the middle of a pandemic?! (And he’s a nurse on top of that!)
I just hope he keeps my number because it looks as if a meet-up or two might be possible by this coming summer...and I will say yes!
As a participant in 12-Step meetings for almost 30 years, I have sorely missed these sort of “weak ties.” Sure, I have a few close acquaintances and friends that I regularly talk to, see at Zoom meetings (which...I hate Zoom meetings and I think that I’ve stumbled onto one of the reasons why I hate them), and have even physically had meet-ups with.
But I miss those casual after-meeting conversations where I might talk to someone for a few minutes and we may (or may not) see one another again or those conversations become a regular thing, without much depth.
I have been fortunate enough to maintain my employment during this pandemic at the same employer but now I have a different job where I don’t see the same people that I used to on a regular basis. Every once in awhile, I do occasionally run into one of those persons that I no longer regularly see on the job but I see them at the local pizzeria or at a store and when I do, we take a few minutes to catch up.
Socially distanced and masked of course!
And then my mind drifted to the notion of losing “weak ties” pre-pandemic. More on that across the TC masthead.
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Every time that I’ve lost a job, I’ve lost a number of weak ties, I suppose. I’ve lost co-workers, I no longer see the “regulars” on public transportation to and from work (I met my ancient Greek tutor on the Brown Line el, for example.).
Pretty much every time I’ve moved, I’ve lost weak ties that I would chat with out in the apartment hallway or the local coffee shop.
I no longer walk the same sidewalks.
The thought of not walking the same sidewalks conjures up notions of the Jane Jacobs’ classic The Death and Life of American Cities (which I really should re-read).
While one can certainly lose weak ties in a rural, exurban, or suburban setting, the loss of weak ties certainly seems to be more of an urban phenomenon which is not, perhaps, felt so acutely because, in the big city, when it comes to weak ties, there’s an abundance of them to find and lose, that’s for sure.
Comments below the fold.
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From thesphinx:
Here’s Christopher's description of GOP's political form of rape culture, from Mark Sumner’s front page post in the trampling of a woman by the Capitol rioters.
Highlighted by Frank Pedraza:
This comment by G2geek in quaoar’s recommended post on the Fox News editor who faced a “murderous rage” when he called Arizona for Biden.
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