Enough time has passed (14 years in cat years) that the story can now be told of how the world economy was a whisker’s width away from total calamity - the likes of which has never been seen before.
In January of 2019, World Bank President, Jim Yong Kim threw the global financial development sector into a state of disarray by quitting his job as head of the World Bank to take a real job with some Wall Street financial institution or other. I’m a cat remember, the salient details are all I listen to, so I don’t know to which company Kim fled. No one cares.
Spanky - the poster boy for nepotism that he is, jumped at the chance to drop his own progeny into the position in a blatant attempt to fuck up another piece of the world economy as he siphoned off a share for himself. Remember this guy went bankrupt owning casinos, an all but impossible task.
Anyway - back to the object of Spanky’s wet dreams.
“Daddy please, please, let me do it,” Ivanka begged, “I took Econ 100 in college - I can do it. We studied a whole chapter on macroeconomics. Look how well my coffin business is doing. I’m good with numbers. You’re always saying that.”
Spanky shook his head almost imperceptibly and whispered, “But pussycat, what about your clothing line? Remember how that ended?”
“Yeah that — people are just jealous because we’re in the White House. And I’m so beautiful. And fashionable. And my nipples. Those nipples you bought for me and that bitch you married. Yeah - that’s it - people are jealous.”
Spanky shook his head, “Not sure about that sweetheart, there seems to be a lot of people who think you and Jughead are assholes.”
“His name is Jared. And yes, I know we’re not popular.”
“No honey, cancer is not popular - you two have taken it to a whole new level.”
Enter Steve Mnuchin to play the hero in this tale, yes - that Steve. Hard to believe, isn’t it?
The Steve who bought himself a wife so far out of his league that rumors of a lease to own deal circulated in DC for months. Either that or maybe a poker game that got a little out of hand. And that was that. Steve stepped in and crushed little Ivanka’s dream of an actual job. A job that came with a modicum of respect. Something that had been missing her whole life.
The world economy will never know how close it came.