Do they still teach science in grade school? I’m being semi-serious here. When I went to school, science was a major part of the curriculum, and I went to a Catholic school that continually taught me I’d go blind if I didn’t stop … uh … sitting so close to the TV.
But that’s neither here nor there. The point is that somewhere along the line, I got the impression that biodiversity was not just fun for birdwatchers but crucial for our own survival, as well as that of our planet.
If you Google for just a couple of minutes and don’t get distracted by images of Julie Newmar in a black vinyl Catwoman suit—like I did just now when I searched for “birds + endangered + Robin + Batman + ‘Julie Newmar in sexy black vinyl Catwoman suit’”—it’s not difficult to understand why biodiversity and the preservation of species are so vitally important.
For instance, I found a Scientific American article in about two minutes that very clearly speaks to the COVID-19 generation.
[A]ccording to new research published December 2 in Nature … healthy biodiversity is essential to human health. As species disappear, infectious diseases rise in humans and throughout the animal kingdom, so extinctions directly affect our health and chances for survival as a species.
[…]
"Biodiversity loss tends to increase pathogen transmission across a wide range of infectious disease systems," the study's first author, Bard College ecologist Felicia Keesing, said in a prepared statement.
These pathogens can include viruses, bacteria and fungi. And humans are not the only ones at risk: all manner of other animal and plant species could be affected.
In other words, our ecosystem is a delicate, interconnected web, and by fucking up parts of it, you’re more likely to fuck up the whole sodding enterprise. Which is why the recent news that the Bachman’s warbler and 22 other species have been declared extinct is so unsettling.
But conservatives can’t see more than two inches in front of their noses, so you get dopey diatribes like the following, from Daily Wire podcaster Matt Walsh:
Transcript!
WALSH: “Well, yeah, I don’t know what we’re going to do without the Bachman’s warbler. That’s a great tragedy—the Bachman’s warbler isn’t going to be joining us on Earth anymore.
I’m sorry, who cares? Who cares if these species are going extinct? What do we need them for? This one version of a woodpecker isn’t going to be around anymore. Oh, okay. Well, there’s other woodpeckers around that can fill their place, I’m sure. They can pick up the woodpecker baton … metaphorically speaking. And if we’re told that climate change is going to kill us all, then why are we trying to keep other species around that are emitting with their carbon emissions. It adds up. So should we be celebrating this, kind of thinning the herd a little bit?
I don’t know, but for climate change and environmentalists, they want to thin the herd among people, not among the Bachman’s warbler or the ivory-headed woodpecker. That’s what they want to do. … I know when I say, ‘I don’t care if these species are going extinct,’ people hear that and they’re horrified by it, it sounds like I’m some sort of sociopath. And maybe I am, but consider the fact that for a lot of other people, when they hear about human populations declining, they’re happy about that. They’re more upset about the decline of the Bachman’s warbler than they are about people declining in population numbers.”
Holy fuck, what a dumbass.
Do I personally care about the Bachman’s warbler? No, not really. But I am concerned about canaries in coal mines, and they seem to be dropping dead at an alarming rate these days. Mass extinctions are accelerating, biodiversity is shrinking, and the reason is, well, us.
As for “human populations declining” … when the fuck has that ever happened? What rapidly dying planet is Walsh living on? Because I simply don’t recognize it. Sure, human populations are shrinking in some places, but the arrow is still pointing steeply upward. Seriously, the human family has more than doubled since I became a part of it. If there’s one thing there’s no shortage of, it’s humans.
And that’s a big problem—not just for the Bachman’s warbler, but for all of us.
I’m not saying we have to start culling the herd, mostly because conservative anti-vaxxers are doing the heavy lifting for us. But at this late stage, the last thing we can afford is glibness from benighted dipshits like Walsh. So please, Matt, shut the fuck up. Because when it comes to climate change and other manmade ecological disasters, your Vesuvian brain methane sure isn’t helping matters any.
It made comedian Sarah Silverman say, “THIS IS FUCKING BRILLIANT,” and prompted author Stephen King to shout “Pulitzer Prize!!!” (on Twitter, that is). What is it? The viral letter that launched four hilarious Trump-trolling books. Get them all, including the finale, Goodbye, Asshat: 101 Farewell Letters to Donald Trump, at this link. Or, if you prefer a test drive, you can download the epilogue to Goodbye, Asshat for the low, low price of FREE.