This morning on Fox News, President Joe Manchin (D-Big Coal) went on Fox News to make sure everyone understood that the platform his party ran on was a lie, and that there would be no movement on any of the key priorities that millions of Americans went out and risked their lives to vote for.
“Too many logs on the fire”, he said of the many problems facing Americans. And who can blame him? What possible role could legislation play in addressing these issues? Prices are too high, but if you deal with that by lowering costs for things like prescription drugs, childcare, and healthcare for millions of Americans, well then there’d be no more inflation, and that excuse to not hurt the industry that lines his Maserati-driving Yacht-speechifying pockets would go away. Can’t have that. Dozens of tornadoes rip through the Midwest and South, killing scores of people and destroying countless homes? Well, if you legislate to attack the climate crisis, he might lose 5 points on his investments. And we can’t have that.
President Manchin also shot down voting rights. Because if Those People have the right to vote and equal access to the vote, well, he might not be President Manchin anymore.
President Joe Biden was unavailable for comment. Ron Klain, his Chief Of Staff, was seen in the corner rocking back and forth muttering about a 40% reduction in child poverty that President Manchin had just killed in front of an audience of millions of adoring MAGA supporters. Vice President Sinema (D-Pharma) was unavailable for comment, as she was on a wine tour in the south of France.
Merry Christmas, Democrats. The irritating hippies were right all along — we’ve been had.