On Thursday evening, CNN reported that the close to 5,000 National Guard troops who have been stationed around the Capitol since shortly after the Jan. 6 insurgency will stay in place until March 12. If it seems odd that the Guard is still in place weeks after President Biden was sworn in on Jan. 21, the reason they’re sticking around is because of another inauguration date. That would be the Mar. 4 date when many QAnon followers expect Donald Trump to emerge from hiding to be sworn in as the 19th president of the United States.
Explaining any of the above requires putting on hip waders and staggering out into the Q-swamp.
Right up until Joe Biden put hand to Bible and followed it up with an actual stroll along Pennsylvania Avenue, true-Q Trump supporters were expecting Jan. 20 to be “the storm.” That was the day that they were anticipating seeing federal troops swoop down to arrest Biden, Hillary Clinton, and all the other pizza-loving cannibals of the Democratic Party. When that didn’t happen, QAnon, predictably, went in search of a new date for their political apocalypse. March 4 is the next, last end of the world as we know it.
As NBC News reporter Ben Collins laid out in February, some Trump supporters believed that the entire Biden presidency was just an illusion supported by the media, while in real life Democrats were being hung from massive new gallows erected in front of the White House. They then cackled excitedly over the hangings they believed were happening from these photoshopped nooses. But a larger fragment of QAnon came up with a scheme so convoluted that it fit perfectly with the same minds who managed to link an international pedophile ring to Jewish space lasers.
And now Trump’s Washington hotel is doubling its rates on March 4, just as it did on Jan. 6. Really.
March 4 was the inauguration date for American presidents right up until 1933. That was when people apparently realized that there was no longer any reason to give incoming administrations five months to move their crap to Washington via pack mule, and shifted the presidential hand-off back to January. Which is a good thing. Considering the damage that Trump managed to achieve this cycle, just imagine what he could have done with a lame duck period that was twice as long.
Anyway … GQPers in desperate need of a date not already in the past have followed the Millerite script so completely that it’s almost amusing. Almost. They’ve strung together a new theory that says Donald Trump is not going to run again in 2024. That’s because he won’t need to. See, military leaders have secretly approached Trump and asked him to save the nation by returning it to the purity it held in 1776. To do this, Trump is secretly (and yes, that word will keep coming up) running the nation from Mar-a-Lago while Biden simply goes through the motions in Washington.
Why would Trump allow Biden to send him packing and let him sign executive orders and conduct policy if Trump is still running things? Because Barack Obama. Apparently, President Obama signed a mass pardon of every rogue Democrat forgiving them all their eclectic pizza tastes right up until Trump took office. So for the last four years, Trump has wanted to conduct those mass arrests. He just couldn’t. Because Obama signed something.
Instead, Trump had to allow Biden to get back in the White House so he could catch him in all new crimes. Smart, eh?
But ever since Obama left office, the military has been secretly working with Trump to document everything that Deep State Democrats were doing to ruin the nation. Also the Department of Justice was (not so) secretly investigating Clinton and Biden and Obama to document all their unforgivable post-Trump inaugural crimes.
And … deep breath. Okay, the reason Trump wasn’t at Biden’s inauguration was because it wasn’t a real inauguration. You’d know this if you read Trump’s tweets just right. Trump secretly initiated the Insurrection Act before leaving office, so everything that happened since then has just been a big trap for Democrats. The military knows this. They also know that the Jan. 6 insurgency was a false flag operation carried out by Black Lives Matter and antifa.
Instead, the real inauguration will come on March 4 when Trump sweeps back into Washington to hold his Bible upside down, and take his place as the first president of an all new Constitutional Republic. At the same time, Trump will also be the 19th actual president of the United States because every president inaugurated after Ulysses S. Grant has been illegitimate. That’s because an 1871 law secretly changed the United States into a corporation rather than a nation (an idea lifted from the “sovereign citizens” conspiracy). Since 1871, there hasn’t really been a United States of America, just USA Corp.
Hold on. If there have been no legitimate presidents since 1871, wouldn’t this also make Trump’s 2016 inauguration illegitimate? Come on now, don’t be ridiculous.
In any case, come March 4, Trump will take his place as the rightful leader of the new Constitutional Republic of the United States. Where “republic” is defined as a nation where a dictator for life rules with the support of a military junta. Just the way the Founding Fathers wanted it. This will return the nation to the purity of the Constitution in 1776. Which was very pure. Because the Constitution wouldn’t be written for another dozen years.
If all this sounds confusing, it’s because it’s confusing. It is, after all, a third generation step child of Pizzagate. For a video overview, QAnon debunker Julian Feeld did a decent rundown of the whole thing on CNN.
Despite all this, don’t expect the streets of Washington to fill up with Trump supporters on March 4, all set to see Hillary frog-marched to the national gallows. QAnon, like the Republican Party, is splintering. As Politico reports, there’s a whole other evangelical wing that is convinced that even admitting that Trump is no longer in the White House is “mocking God” and that Trump will be returned to power “soon.” Or soonish. Or never really left.
In all parts of the GQP, there are people who are actually waking up to smell the reality. There are QAnon believers who really have walked away in disgust and disappointment. There are evangelical leaders desperately trying to convince both their congregations and fellow pastors that continuing to treat Trump like some Biblical patriarch is doing permanent damage to both their movement and Christianity in general.
Just as with past apocalyptic movements, the group who is embarrassed they ever supported Trump may soon come to be the majority. But don’t expect everyone to give up just because March 4 comes and goes without a sweet set of televised executions.
After all, there’s sure to be a case for the Fourth of July.
