Yesterday, Nat Turner (NT), Shields Greene (SG), John Brown (JB), and William Poole (AKA “Bill the Butcher”, hereinafter BB) agreed to be interviewed from beyond the grave to share their insights on the latest trends in American insurrection.
Background: Nat Turner led a large slave rebellion in Virginia, Shields Greene and John Brown organized a revolt against slavery in Harpers Ferry VA, and Bill the Butcher led the Bowery Boys of NYC during the draft riots when the mob killed thousands of black residents of New York City.
Nat Turner(NT): They took the Capitol, on purpose, so I grant that it’s an insurrection, and the Capitol, to be honest, is one hell of a symbol so I give them credit for that. But it is kind of a technicality, because frankly that crowd didn’t even seem remarkable to me, it was just white folk acting up.
Shields Greene (SG): The white mob has been in control of the Capitol since the founding of the republic and this riot was another symptom of that condition. Angry crowd running around wanting to hang people? Hell that’s not an insurrection, that’s not even news. In my day we just called that Wednesday.
John Brown (JB): But they took the Capitol! The symbol of democracy! The rioters were so certain of redemption in the eyes of God and the public that they took video, and they wanted to hang the vice president and Congress! The damned Capitol is the symbol of equality and ...
SG: Stop shouting and slow down, John, or you're going back to moldering in the grave. A lily white Capitol built by black slaves isn’t exactly a symbol of equality and freedom for everyone.
Bill the Butcher (BB): We don’t agree often, Shields, but I agree with you — this riot was about reminding everyone that the white mob is in charge. These new Proud Boys and Oath Keepers are just like my Bowery Boys gang. We were called “know nothings” because when asked about anything political, we would respond “I know nothing” but we sure as hell knew that we were American white power chauvinists, and we were working for the chauvinist “American Party”. And when the American Party needed punches thrown, we were on call.
Our main role was “shoulder hitting” at the polls - looking for people to give a “friendly” punch in the arm, or simply scaring people away from voting. The punch needed to be hard enough to remind the voter and other observers that violence awaits the non-compliant. But our gang and others were also available for directed attacks in the service of western chauvinism.
JB: You’re an asshole, Bill, but back to the topic: these rioters recorded everything, so they weren’t expecting a lot of blood or even resistance. They were correct about the lack of resistance. St Peter, on the hand, will NOT BE AMUSED BY THIS SHIT because all people are created equal is the most incendiary and essential part of the US Constitution. We were fighting over that in the 19th century and we are still fighting about it in the 21st century. For instance, as soon as we are done with this interview, I plan to carve a swastika in Bill the Butcher’s forehead using an acoustic guitar that says “This machine kills fascists”.
SG: It’s unsurprising that my old friend John Brown is a Tarentino fan… but seriously JB, calm down. It’s not very Christian to torture a dead mans guitar and the stuff you said about Rush Limbaugh last week was creepy as hell. St. Peter could always change his mind about your admission decision! Get yourself under control old man.
JB: I get mad when people treat others badly. Real mad.
NT: That explains why you’ve been angry for the last 170 years, I don’t expect you will change anytime soon. So there is agreement that the rioters weren’t “insurrecting” against the system, they were rioting to remind the system that the white mob is in control. The rioters were called to violently serve the interests of established political power.
BB: It’s pretty hard to call it an insurrection when the leader of the mob gets acquitted.
NT: And the government only killed one of the rioters! After my rebellion, the government killed a couple hundred people and made it illegal for blacks to read or congregate without a white preacher! These rioters won’t even get kicked off twitter.
JB: Well, the former guy isn’t off the hook, but if he gets convicted they definitely won’t hang him. In the Harpers Ferry raid, we were fine with dying because being a martyr is more powerful for the movement. If you are happy to get killed, you might be involved in an insurrection.
NT: On the other hand, if you have a big ad budget and a stage and a catering tent and take videos, it’s not so insurrection-ish. Because the rioters had a southern battle flag in the Capitol, maybe we should call it a dedition sedition. But it wasn’t an insurrection.
SG: Hah ha “dedition sedition” has a nice ring to it. It’s true, I knew I was going to die when I decided to follow JB. He was seeing visions and tying everything back to bible verses, you might even say his survival instincts were hampered by his devotion. But JB was right about the value of dying for our cause. I would do it again.
NT: I also saw visions from God, it’s a tough burden. It’s was hard for Moses too. The Qanon shaman seemed pagan so his visions were probably from cacti or mushrooms which is easier to handle. But if you are seeing visions from the God of Abraham, you may be in an insurrection. Or you might be dehydrated.
JB: The Capitol rioters wanted everything to stay EXACTLY the same except with a different president, and thought they could muscle it through using chaos and violence. Black Lives Matter, on the other hand, was fighting against the existing system. Where can I get a BLM shirt by the way?
NT: John, you are so old we should get you some Occupy Wall Street schwag.
BB: Brawlers are gonna brawl. They had their fight, scared some people, but then they just took selfies. There was no plan, they just wanted to flex. They got a big crowd, though.
JB: Yep, that was a lot of people for a bad cause. When Shields Greene agreed to help me raid Harpers Ferry, we only had a handful of people to help us. Thanks again, by the way, for coming with me, Shields.
SG: JB, Fredrick Douglass told you they would kill us all. The greatest orator of our times spent hours trying to convince you it was a bad plan, and you have to admit now, with hindsight, he was right. We all got killed. You were a bit … headstrong. I’m glad Douglass didn’t come with us, because writing about our actions after the fact was the only thing that made it work out, he made us into martyrs for the cause.
JB: God’s plan worked out in the long term, we started that civil war. I would do it again, it was an honorable thing to die for.
NT: In summation, the rich folks are using the Proud Boys now instead of the Bowery Boys, and they attacked the Capitol building after a summer of attacking black people and the BLM movement. This white power mob of neo-know-nothings continues to terrorize folks in order to perpetuate the existing systems of oppression. It’s not much of an insurrection or a rebellion, and it’s certainly not revolutionary or revelatory. But it is American.