Take the Money and Run: Satire
By Lyer, Fibski & Propagandovitch, famous Moscow PR outlet
For immediate release:
The Republican Party is all abuzz about Mr. Trump’s fundraising competition. As a steady stream of top Republicans undertake their pilgrimage to Mara Lago to kiss his…ring, Mr. Trump raises money directly from his base, continuing a still successful process he began much earlier. He reportedly has pocketed about one-half billion dollars since mid-October, mostly by asserting “election fraud”, even before the election took place.
The visitors can be divided roughly into two groups: the true believers, who use his club to raise their own money, and other GOPers who attempt to gently persuade Mr. Trump to cease and desist. The latter group is quickly labelled as RINOs, which means “very weak sycophants” in the jargon du jour, and quickly expelled. He even tried to stop them from using his name in GOP solicitations.
It is widely believed that the Former Guy is stuffing his coffers to help stave off the financial collapse of his reeling real estate empire and to defend lawsuits being prepared in multiple jurisdictions. He has surrounded himself with “cracker jack” lawyers who swear on their holy books that they will defend him—so long as he pays them. His base is dwindling, however, as many gullible people realize that they have been bamboozled.
Mr. Trump says he needs the money to run in 2024, but our guess is that he will run somewhere before that. The question is, who will take him in? They will all be RINOs then.