I knew I was different when I was 9 years old, and I had my first sexual experience with a neighborhood friend, one year older than I was. It seemed like something, though I did not know what it was at the time, awakened in me. As I grew I knew I had feelings for other men, so I did what most people in my age range did at the time, called myself gay.
But it never really felt right. I always knew I was attracted to some girls (And then women as of course I aged) but there was so much biphobia around I knew it would be safer to stay in the closet as a Bisexual man, even though I was out as a gay one.
It took me a long, long time to come out to myself and to others eventually that yes, I am in fact Bisexual. I’ve had 2 long term relationships to 2 different special women in my life, and I almost married one.
The idea that we, bisexuals, are some loose-moral people irritates the heck out of me. I have no desire nor would I, if I were dating a man, cheat on him with a woman, or vice versa any more than if I was just attracted to males that I would cheat on him with another man. We have morality, all of us.
The LA Times has a great article on what it means to be bisexual in America. I’ve gotten flack from both gays and straights because of it.
This makes no sense as I fought for gay rights as much or more-so than anyone else I knew. I kept my bisexuality hidden so I would not out myself.
I have heard them all...that bisexuality does not exist, that we want straight advantages, that..
“You’re just bored and looking to experiment with women” and “You’re just doing it to be trendy” and “You’re definitely going to marry a man in the end.”
Bierasure is the tendency to ignore and falsify evidence of bisexuality — being attracted to two or more genders — and its existence. That’s what leads to painful comments when someone comes out as bisexual, such as, “You’re just confused,” “You just want attention” and “You just took a detour on the train to gay town.”
I have even had people quote the “comic” Andrew Dice Clay to me when in his skit he denied the possibility of being bi and that we should just “pick a side” Wow! Quoting a raging homophobe to defend your hate of another sexual identity makes no sense to me then, and it does not now.
And forcing someone to “pick a lane” can be just as harmful as saying, “You shouldn’t be gay.” In my experience, both gay and straight communities frequently ridicule those of us who identify as bisexual. But trying to force us to stifle self-expression encourages the kind of closemindedness that only sets us back in history. It limits us from exploring the full range of our sexuality. It forces us to repress an innermost part of ourselves.
Sexuality is not a binary choice. It, according to much research, is based on a continuum from exclusively gay to exclusively straight...with many falling in between them.
I would never presume to tell my gay, straight, asexual, etc. friends that their sexuality does not exist, that it is just a phase, that they have not met the right person yet, etc. It is time though that we find for acceptance of all LGBTQIA+ individuals.
One of the key parts to the article that I wish more people would understand when they discuss bisexuality:
A bisexual person is not 50% gay and 50% straight, or anything in between, but utterly and completely 100% bisexual.