Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Happiness: Satire
By Lyer, Fibski & Propagandovitch, famous Moscow PR outlet
For immediate release:
A senior official from the National Republican Committee recently clarified the GOP position on the right to “Life, Liberty, and the pursuit of Happiness” in the Declaration of Independence. “We are always for liberty”, he said. “That includes freedom from education, freedom from affordable health care, freedom from gun safety, freedom for law enforcement to shoot unarmed people, and most recently, freedom from mask wearing. There are many personal freedoms like those that we support.”
“As for the pursuit of happiness”, he continued, “we make sure our donors and base stay happy. We have emphasized that we do not care about anyone else, so if you don’t belong to the GOP remember not to get too happy. Our jails are overflowing with the formerly happy.”
“We’re all about life as well, but that policy ends at birth”, he said. “There are limits, you know.”