The following post is my first and like many before this, it started out in the comments section. However, I could not get this conversation out of my mind and the feedback was greater than I expected so I have put it all down in one place.
I have been reading this blog for about 15 years but only recently have finally removed my lurking cloak so I can participate.
My job keeps me busy 10+ hours a day, the daily post of “Evening Shade” sums up the day in tweets so I get a digest of the day's events. It is usually the last thing I read before I go to sleep.
I try to think of a good thing before sleep and since this was the last thing I read, I said thank you to the author. Besides saying thank you, I would add the good thing of the day. On this day, WhiteHouse Press Secretary Psaki on Biden: "He believes that transgender rights are human rights." This was music to my ears and said so. One person replied that it was great felt like Biden was trying to give us all a hug. That started a bit of a thread:
I agree.
This past year has been the discovery of who my kids really are. This has been a Golden Lining (as in Silver Lining) to this year quarantined. The anxiety was high around here under the previous guy.
Even had the opportunity to advocate for my kids with my Masonic Lodge. I opened some brain cells up I believe.
As a parent, all you want is your child to be happy and succeed. You start dreaming of your kid’s future as soon ask you know you’re going to have it. You plan, you guide, you teach, you love and provide a happy, safe home. However, you are not that child. Once you can set aside YOUR dream for them and begin to help them follow THEIR dream, happiness can abound.
To which they replied:
Your children are blessed with your wisdom and compassion. Under our masks, we are all humans who want acceptance.
I wanted to say thank you but felt I needed to dispel the impression I was 100% on board so to speak at the beginning. The statement above got me thinking and I started writing my response...
I will not lie to you that I was that enlightened at the beginning. Decades of familial conditioning; as well as society are still being overcome. But through some reading, and discussions with my quite wise wife, I had to ask myself: What changed since I now know this aspect of my child?
Hmm, What came to mind?
A different name?
-
Well heck, not sure I like my first name either. If I could have chosen, I’d have been David. Result: I guess I was born a couple decades late.
-
Those of us from a large family, and/ or with pets: Either the Matriarch or Patriarch wants to chew someone out and runs through all the names of kids and animals to finally land on the name of the youngest of both.
Result: Names can be placeholders. I can change the name of things and remember (well most of the time...remember decades).
How they dress?
Result: So what has changed??
Their physical appearance?
Alright then, what ISN'T changing?
Who they are as a person?
Kid#1 is going off to grad school to continue to follow their dream since age 10.
Kid#2 knows what they want to do and has a plan to get there.
Result: Nothing in the last year has changed those plans.
The love of this family.
Kid# 1 after telling us said something that made it real.
Kid # 2 in a completely different discussion said something different that made it real.
Result: Two kids who have our unconditional love and support through this.
[I am vague out of respect for these two I am lovingly talking about].
So in sum, these are all changes to what they are called and how they look. Who they are hasn't changed. Once I opened that door, my wisdom and compassion were reflected back at me leaving me only one choice...
LOVE
PS. I belong to a fraternal organization that talks about the internal of a person rather than the external. If that is an acceptance criteria for the organization, why wouldn't it apply to family as well?
Posted with permission from Kid #1 and #2.