The Mercenary Shtick: Satire
By Lyer, Fibski & Propagandovitch, famous Moscow PR outlet
For immediate release:
According to a senior official at the Republican National Committee, some Republicans are looking at hiring the North Korean army to fight wars for the USA.
Although the use of hired guns to do the nation’s dirty work is generally frowned upon, there is some recent precedent for such a policy. “POTUS Trump got Erik Prince’s private army to fight in Iraq”, he said, “and look how that worked out. Besides, we’ve got the Pardon, don’t we?”
“The DPRK army is always looking for someone to battle”, he continued. “The soldiers there are starving for a fight and that country needs the cash. By hiring them, we could defuse a tense situation and free up our armed forces. The North Koreans might even stop hacking our computer systems and stealing our money. And we could start many wars all over at a fraction of the cost. It would be a win-win for everybody.”
When reached for comment, a spokesman for the Russian Ministry of Defense said, “Brilliant! We should have thought of this outsourski option when we invaded Afghanistan.”